A
male
age
51-59,
*061sarahs
writes:hi. my girlfriend kept a secret meeting from me a while ago. she says she was visiting an aunty. so i thought nothing of it. then i found out it was some guy. not a date, friends. i didnt believe her. she told him not to contact her. this was in julyyesterday, i found an email to him saying that she was disappointed that he hadnt phoned,september, the sat morning this is twice now for my reasoning for not trusting her.she knows what i want from a relationship and trust is a biggy cos of the past hurt.i dont want to end it. i cant say that i have found this e mail.your ideas and thoughts very welcome.thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (21 September 2008):
 Well you know she's is not telling the truth. What do you have to lose by telling her what information you have? You don't have to tell her how you know, just that you know. If she is actually guilty she doesn't really have much to stand on. By not letting her know what you've discovered, your guts will keep twisting. Let's face it, you didn't find an email that said " keep away from me, I'm not interested" You found the opposite. If she is actually doing what you're afraid of, why are you afraid of her reaction. She should be afraid of yours.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): What is the meaning and why be in a relationship if you cannot trust your partner?
What is the value of the relationship to the partner that is lying and being deceitful or is it okay for one partner to have secret meetings and contact with friends of the opposite sex without informing the other? If it is innocent, why not being open and honest about it?
Would she be okay if it had be you hiding this from her?
Life is give and take; she must value and respect you and your relationship; if not, you are wasting your time and will get hurt again.
I suggest you talk to her about honesty and trust; explain once again how important that is to you; tell her that you will value and appreciate her always being honest with you, but will have difficulty forgiving blatant lies; give her a chance to come "clean" and open up; but if she does not; well you have the choice; 1) you can confront her and get lots of apologies and explanations but will you be able to trust her? Or 2) if she does not come clean and open up on her own....MOVE ON.
I could not pretend to be happy with somebody if I know that they are not being honest with me; that is a sign of underestimating my intelligence and I consider that a major insult.Dishonesty also tells me a lot about the person and the persons integrity.
Sometimes when these things happen in a relationship we tend to ignore the red lights "flashing" and then in time to come we regret our ignorance.
You have been hurt; I suggest you be very cautious; you will have a gut feeling about this; don't ignore those feelings.Can you love somebody and be happy with somebody that is not honest with you; knowing, that honesty is one of the core ingredients in a relationship; honesty affects TRUST, RESPECT.
I wish there was an easy answer, but when dealing with human emotions it is never easy.
Arrange for a meeting, go somewhere nice and quiet, somewhere with little interruptions, and have a serious "talk".
COMMUNICATION is vital and in this matter I do believe extremely important.
Hope this is of assistance to you.
Keep us posted.
Best wishes and keep SMILING.
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A
female
reader, x..Rachel..x +, writes (21 September 2008):
 I think that you are loyal staying with her even though you have doubts. I think you should confront her with all the facts and ask for answers,which is what you deserve.Don't make a big deal of it,try to stay calm and react reasonabley.Good luck.
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