A
male
age
30-35,
*yc Martian
writes:So I met this girl about a month ago.. We pretty much got along very well and talk everyday. We hangout all the time and have become very intimate. We got to the stage where she is telling me she loves me.. But then we had a serious talk and she told me that she basically has been with this guy for a couple years... She told me that she has known him since they were kids and that there families are also close to each other. She told me that she doesn't love him and there is no connection between them. But that he is a really nice guy and he won't ever leave her. She told me she feels safe with him. But that she never felt so comfortable and connected to anyone like me. She told me this a few days ago and we've spent time together and things are very intimate still. She tells me that she will only be physical with me and that we always talk and spend time with each other so I shouldn't worry. This weekend she's going to see him bc it's his brothers birthday... I asked her if she will make a decision and she said not this weekend bc it's the brothers bday and its a holiday(new year) Need any advice or help. I've been in a situation like this before with girls having boyfriends. But she's telling me she loves me.. On top of everything the past weekend. We had unprotected sex for a few days and finishing in her... We even talked about how she could be pregnant. What is going on in her head..
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2016): In case you are not aware of it, what she is doing is slowly breaking down your boundaries over time to see how much you will tolerate. She's not as confused, sweet and innocent as you perceive her to be.You serve a purpose in her life and so does the other guy that she's seeing, in addition to all the other men she played before you came into the picture. You need to run to the hills and forget about her ASAP. Don't buy this nonsense that there's nothing going on between her and the other guy.I had to laugh so hard when I read the "he's a nice guy and won't leave her part", because that statement is something that someone with narcissistic tendencies would say. She doesn't love you or anybody but she loves the attention that she's getting, and by creating an atmosphere of uncertainty men will chase her that much harder to win her over. Normal people don't stick with partners because "they won't leave them". She's getting something out of all of the guys that she is playing. Make no mistake about it.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 February 2016):
 "I just need some advice about our situation not about how to have sex or what not"
Don't have sex with her. Wait until she is officially single to have sex with her. Is that difficult in some way?
"Alright she is actually a nice clean girl" ... as in, she's good at personal hygiene? Or as In, she's been seen by her gynecologist and at the moment of the exam didn't have any detectable STIs? What does that even mean?
Let's see, you've known her a month, she has a boyfriend she didn't tell you about, you failed to take sensible precautions, you wouldn't mind if she's pregnant because you like her so much.
" Obviously I don't like the situation I'm in"
Well, then stop doing what you've been doing to put yourself into the situation you're in. Are you in someway incapacitated or unable to handle yourself in a way that you haven't mentioned here?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 February 2016):
 You think you would be okay with her getting pregnant? Can you afford a baby. What will happen is if you get her pregnant she will claim the baby is her boyfriends and not only will you be left alone, but you will have another man raise your child. I think you need to grow up a little before you go around fathering children to girls who are already taking. Please go get checked for STI's as you don't know if she is clean or not. She is after all sleeping with two or more guys.
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A
male
reader, Nyc Martian +, writes (3 February 2016):
Nyc Martian is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah it's the same girl.Alright she is actually a nice clean girl- shes well off so I know she's not trying to trap me or whatever. I didn't know she had a bf. We went away for a ski trip and that's when the unprotected sex happen. Afterward she told me she had never done that before. And that's when all the love talk happen.. After we came back we had a talk and she told me about him.. Obviously I was upset she was crying.. I told her to be with him and that she should give it a try. She told me that he was a nice guy and loyal guy but she didn't have a connection with him. They knew each other since kids and there families are close. Obviously I don't like the situation I'm in.. I really like her.. She tells me she really likes me. Now loves me.. I said I'm stupid bc I feel like I'm taking advantage of her sexually a little. But honestly I wouldn't mind if she was pregnant bc I like her so much. And she kind of feels the same? Bc we know we are taking the chance... I'm not judging her bc I understand that she has a guy who's very well off and won't leave her.. I just need some advice about our situation not about how to have sex or what not
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 February 2016):
 I think you are being a BIT stupid here. It's been less than a month and you have unprotected sex with someone with a BF?
I mean what happens if you KNOCK her up? Have you thought that far?
I have a few tips for you:
1. GO buy condoms. Know how to use them and DO so every time UNLESS you want to be a Daddy or a sperm donor who has to pay child support for the next 18 years.
2. If a girl tells you: "I have have a BF" - you say Bye bye.. Block and delete her number. She isn't serious about you and she IS cheating on her BF. You don't fall for her "I love you and not him" crap.
3. It's been a MONTH! you really don't know her. All you DO know is that she is cheating on her supposed BF with YOU.
4. If this is something you do, (sleeping/dating girls with a BF) then I suggest you take a hard look at yourself and your motivations. My guess is it's easier to "date" a girl with a BF because you don't have to give it your all.
5. Go get checked for STD/STI's. You may not be the only dude poking around in her unprotected.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 February 2016):
THIS girl? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-she-not-very-sexually-experienced-and-im.html
You've known her a month, you keep repeating a pattern, you aren't taking precautions to avoid STIs or pregnancy.
My advice would be stop having sex without protection. Stop getting sexually intimate with girls who have boyfriends. If a girl is telling you she loves you after a month then she's not very mature. If you have fallen madly in love with a girl with a boyfriend and have unprotected sex, the question really is, what is going on in your head?
Stop thinking with your genitals and get smart. You're going to be a father to a child who will have a mother who isn't too bright. A father who isn't too bright plus a mother who isn't too bright.... what an challenge for a child to overcome.
Stop having unprotected sex, get yourself to a doctor to check for STIs and be prepared for a paternity test.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2016): right now this girl has the best of both worlds. She has the security a boyfriend she has known since she was a child and she seems close to your family. If she was ever into him before she no longer is and right now it is just practical. If she were writing, I would advise her to do the hard thing break up with him. yes, that would probably destroy their friendship and at best make things really awkward. his family would probably make her out to be the bad guy for stringing him along and it sounds like something she should have done a long time ago.as for you, she would probably take offense if you gave her an ultimatum or if you accused to even talk to her until she cut off all ties with the guy. how long were you seeing her? how did you meet her and did you have any friends or hobbies in common?? did you know where she lived or worked and did you drop in to surprise her once in awhile? those are things people do when the relationship is new, before they get intimate. unless you are both only in it for sex, and you were both crystal clear about that, after the first couple dates it makes sense to ask her where it's going. it makes sense to give her a chance to tell you if there is anybody else or another potential person. if she said yes I'm casually dating several people until I choose then you could decide if you're okay with that. it's all about open communication. I would tell this girl that you don't want to deal with these problems and that it's time to say goodbye
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (3 February 2016):
What is going on in her head? What is going on in your head? You mention you have been in this situation before, therefore I would be inclined to think that maybe you would have learnt from past experiences not to make the same mistake twice!!
She told you she has a boyfriend, and yet still you have sex with her, you are aware that not using protection could not only leave her pregnant, but that you both could have an STI. Maybe you should think about getting your sexual health checked and staying away from this girl.
She was dishonest from the start, she then decided to tell you the truth. She says she loves you but honestly they are just words. She is a cheat and a liar. How would you feel if you where her boyfriend? You need to stay away from her. Even if she did leave him for you, she will one day get bored off you and leave for another guy. It sounds like she enjoys the thrill.
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