A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyoneI have a problem with a man who apparently is grieving for his wife. He showed a lot of attention to me before she died. He went cold for a little while but now its back again. His wife died 9 months ago. Unfortunately for me. I fell head over heels for him. He picks me up and drops me when wishes. He wants my attention but yet won t move forward. If I am not giving attention he always goes out of his way to get it. If not he is playing the game of the grieving man I am not interested in you. I have now cut him off completely. I at a loss as to what else to do. help please. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (5 February 2016):
 To be honest, it sounds like the relationship is all about him: he'll see you at his convince and when he wants to. It also sounds like he doesn't care too much about your needs and desires.
You don't give us a lot of clues to go over on what makes you attracted to this guy or why you keep going back for more. You love the guy and I realize that is emotionally driven, but at some point you have to come to the conclusion that the pain he is causing you isn't really getting what you want. And in the long run you will likely get hurt and left behind.
First off, if you haven't already done so, explain to him how you are feeling. Tell him exactly what you are looking for. Explain to him that you don't sense he is in it for the same reasons you are.
And then listen.
See if you are even on the same wave length. And work from there.
But my guess is that if you've cut him off and he isn't responding, then you are clearly not a match.
The key in this is to know what YOU want and need. If you are along just for the ride or hoping "something" will happen that will make you happy, you'll always be left hungering for more. Figure that out and find ways to make yourself happy and the magic will happen.
Eddie
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 February 2016):
 Keep him blocked. If he find a way to contact you, block that too.
He has nothing to offer, right now. Doesn't mean he doesn't want attention etc. It is NOT your job to help him deal with the loss and guilt. That is on him.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (3 February 2016):
 I think you have done the best thing. Yes it is difficult when you love someone to let go, but it will be kinder for you long term.
I genuinely believe that this man is not ready to make a commitment, yet he is using you to make himself feel better, when you are not showing him the attention he needs he contacts you, but then as soon as you do he backs off. He is not in a place to start anything serious with you. The best thing you can do is protect yourself and block him from all avenues. Good luck.
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