A
male
age
41-50,
*rew_86753
writes:I have been dating this girl for about 5 months now. She is a rape survivor and it happened about 3 years ago in a long term abusive relationship. She really is an amazing woman who had to deal with alot. Recently she said she want me to be her boyfriend and so we made it official that its what we were. I hadn't been pressuring her and told her that it would move at her pace because I know its hard for her. About four days later she told me that she couldn't do the title of girlfriend, and had to take it back. She didn't want things to change and came over and gave me a hug and kiss later and told me she was sorry, she knows that she is "f***ed up", and she really thought she was ready. I understand why she has to do it I guess, though I don't know what a difference the title makes if nothing else is changed.I just don't know how I should be feeling? On one hand I really want to help her, be there for her, and like her alot, but the other i thought we had taken a step that I guess we hadn't and am confused and hurt by her taking it back. Part of me wants to stick it out with her, but also realize that even if I do that it may not happen. How do I deal with this situation? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): Ok then, She is still your girlfriend and you are still her boyfriend. She just doesnt want the title. So let her have that. Its really no big deal, just be together and let things go forward.Trust me she wants you, shes just scared. Let her get used to being with you and show her that she will be safe and slowly she will come around.However I do advise you to be careful, if she has crossed the point, then she will never come good, so set a realistic point in which you can leave if it just isnt going to happen.Not everyone wants to be saved
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 January 2010):
I think she still needs time. She clearly does care about you a lot, but the title of girlfriend probably brings back memories of her relationship with the the other guy, so please don't take it personally. I think with enough love and care she will open up, but it might take time. If you love her, then take time over her, listen to her, reassure her. See where it leads.
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