A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I recently broke off our engagement because my parents and her could not get along. Both my parents and my now ex-girlfriend are strong headed and would not try to find a common ground. She felt my parents were evil and every time things were going good for she and I my parents would do something to derail us. My parents felt I was too good for her and that I deserved better, and told her this in person. Anyway we have been broken up for 9 weeks now, but I am always thinking of her. Even though she has been really mean in the past few weeks, she will call every now and then to ask if I could be a person of interest for background checks for jobs. I am stuck for everyone I talk to (friends and family) say I should let go and find someone who deserves my love, but my heart wont let go. I yearn to have her back in my life. Should I just give up and try to move on, or should I hold out for the possibility of her and I getting back together, I don't know.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2008): I was one of the anonymous who wrote earlier. Now that I read the new details of your story is more clear. Obvioulsy this girl is NOT the one for you. Get down to your knees and praise God because he kept you from commiting a big mistake. What were you thinking? Relationships before marriage are supposed to be about fairy tales and happiness and then hell; not the other way around. Now what I'm thinking is Why were you attracted to that controlling woman in the first place? It always has to do with the way you were brought up. I still think your parents have to be controlling too for you to be attracted to someone so manipulative. Anyways, keep your relationships apart from your family, although it seems like you live with your parents...but it can be done because I've done it. And forget about this mad lady. It's understandable that you miss her but you have to suffer a little first so you can be free. You'll thank yourself for staying strong and not going back with her in the future. I still think you need time alone so you can reflect on the defects of this woman and your dysfunctional relationship and what can you do tho prevent this form happenign again. What is it that attracts you to this kind of manipulative women? Was it the model you saw on your parents' relationship? Are you always attracted to problematic people? I'm asking because it happend to me and it's called codependency.
Take an online test and learn about it so you can recover form it before you chose your next potential wife.
Blessings
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Well you certainly added a lot of details and I am getting a picture here, correct me if I am wrong, not of your parents or her but of you.
Do you still live at your parents house? I am getting the feeling that you are not the most assertive person around and are easily lead by those around you.
Perhaps you just want to make everyone happy, perhaps you lack a back-bone. You stand up to NOBODY. Not your brother (what were the two doing, this bit is very confused) not your fiance, not your parents.
It sounds like there is a lot more going on as well.
Whatever, you cannot make everyone happy in your life. If you like this girl and can life with her strong personality so be it, but then you have to tell your family to either accept or stay out of your life.
You need to tell her that she is going to have to come with better reasons then "evil" if she expects you to cut your parents out of your life.
Take charge of your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you too those of you who responded and had other questions as well. To LazyGuy he said " your parents attacked your women and you didnt defend her." How could I when I was not in the room and did not find out until the next day. Then when I confronted my stepmother she denies it. Who do I back. My girlfriend of at the time 9 months or the lady that raised me for 15 years? To Thatgotgirl The negative qualities my parents listed were that she was manipulative, controlling, and would not compromise. To all other anonymous responses. The reason we got engaged was not how I wanted it to go. I did not get her pregnant or anything of the likes. I was going to ask her on our 2 year anniversary. she did not know. Our anniversary was in November and April she got mad when I would not tell her when I was going to ask her father for her hand in marriage. She told me that if I loved her I would ask her father that very day to marry her or she would leave me. Be that I was going to ask anyway, I did just that. I called every phone number of his to get ahold of him. He did not know that my asking for his daughter to be my wife was an ultimatum set forth by her. We had set back our marriage from August until January because she got into it with my parents about my older brother. She did not want him or his wife to be at the wedding. She has major issues about my brother. She wants to be a cop and knows how to defend her self. My brother being a military marshal arts instructor years before asked if she could defend against some move. She said that she could but did not want to. She said that my brother continued the move amongest her many No requests. She said he preformed the move. She did not defend her self because she did not want to hurt him and cause a strain in our relationship. But it was just the two of them in the kitchen at the time of the incident. I was changing to go out and my brother had been drinking. She said that she could have defended but chose not to. Why? I know mu brother can be a Horses A--. I would have understand or she could have called our for me or come to my room. The reason I broke off the engagement was that she did not want my parents and older brother at the wedding. She said that the would have gotten out of hand and that they would purposely ruin the wedding. She also said that if we were to ever have children that my parents would never see them until they were on their death beds, and that would be the only time they would get to see their grandchildren. We had resolved the part about my parents at the wedding once before but she wanted to change it once again. It was ongoing. My parents knew we were getting married but did not know when as her request. I know that they would have tried to make things right if they had known the date and time frame they had to work with. I hope this fills some gaps for you all. Once again thank you.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (19 March 2008):
She deserves someone better. A man should stick up for his woman. A woman should stick up for her man. Your parents attacked your woman and you didn't defend her?No wonder she was mean, your parents hurt her feelings and you let her down.Advice to the girl, find a better person, one who doesn't let his love be dictated by his parents and friends.Note how you don't even mention one thing she has done to even remotely justify your parents remarks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): You don't know because you care too much about what your friends and family think. At your age you should be mature and emotionally independent enough to know what you want in a woman. Therefore you should know if your ex might be the one or you are loooking for some other qualities she doesn't have. I don't know, but if you got engaged with her I think you really liked her. Why did you let your parents 'break up with her' as if they were the ones engaged to her? I know friends and family opinions are important, but in the end you are the one who's going to be marrying her and not them. I think both your parents and ex know you have a fragile personality and they manipulate you. I suggest keeping away from your parents and ex for a while and getting to know yourself better so you'd know what you want and who you are. Manipulative parents can prevent us from getting to know our real selves. They act as if you were their extension (of their personalities) and not a separate person with a different personality, values and interests. We engage in manipulative relationships with the opposite sex because it makes sense to us. Of course, because they are treating you exactly like our parents. But at the end they don't work. Read about toxic parents, codependent relationships and dysfunctional families if you want to take charge of your life
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (19 March 2008):
 Why do your parents think that you deserve someone better? What are the negative qualities that they list about her?
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