A
male
age
30-35,
*ndrew loves hali
writes:hi im 15 and goin through a hard time. okay heres how it all went down. my girlfriend who is 15 but older than me still told me she smokes i was shocked cause she said she hates people who smoke which doesnt make any cents. anyway i asked her why and she said i don't know its fun. i was like what? thats not fun. she said well my life sucks right now so nothing matters. she also said " its not that bad" and i was like um no its really bad you dont even know babe. she said well i can do what i want(i agree with her but i dont want her doin something that can kill her oh she said she smokes weed which is illegal too and its all really bad) i said well can you not at least do that she said no im guna keep doin it. me: well i thought you loved me and if you did you would stop this for me. her: whys it such a big deal to you though? and we got into a really big fight and i told my sis cause i can tell her anything and she bitched my girlfriend(ex now) out and she told my mom and now my girlfriend (ex) says that we are over and she doesnt want me textin her or callin and i cant do that so my question is " she says im tryin to change her, how do i let her know im not just tryin to chnage this cause it aint good and that i love her and i dont wanna lose her"????? any ideas?
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male
reader, Cowboy254 +, writes (13 March 2009):
Listen you need to understand some people use pot and cigs as a crutch to feel good when everything is bad and pot isn't that bad compared to cigarettes but you gotta give that person support instead of getting on her case about it you shoulda said what's wrong babe find the reason why and try and help
A
female
reader, Mrs. Mom +, writes (13 March 2009):
 Oh dear. You made two BIG mistakes. You got your sister involved, and your sister, rather than just being sympathetic and saying "There there" stuck her nose in. That's a real mistake. And the other was saying "If you loved me, you'd quit."
It really doesn't have much to do with love, whether someone quits smoking, quits drinking, quits hanging out with the wrong type of people. It's something they're doing to address something inside themselves.
So before you do anything else, look at your part in the problem. If this happens to you again, don't do either of those things.
If someone you love is doing something that you either don't like being around or worries you for their sake, just state your concerns straight out. Don't try to manipulate them by saying "If you loved me, you'd do it!" or make it into something about you.
Being in a relationship is about being together while allowing the other person to be who they are. It's not good to start telling your loved one how to live her life.
On the other hand, you don't have to put up with a smoking girlfriend. You're within your rights to say "I can't keep going out with you if you don't quit smoking." Then you both have your choices to make, and you never have to feel like you have to put up with unacceptable behavior.
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