A
male
age
41-50,
*NEAK
writes:I'm very deeply in love with my wife, but I have some issues. I can’t stop cheating. I have an addictive personality. Once I do something I like I continue to do. It’s crazy because my wife has the BEST SEX I have ever had in my life. There is nothing she is lacking in that department. I don’t even enjoy sex with other people but I can really tell you why I do it. I think I’m addicted to the chase. My wife has no idea what I do. I’m very sneaky and I keep home happy. As far as she knows I’m a perfect husband. To be honest with you, I hate the CATCH... I’m not putting all of this on the net so you can scold me. I’m looking for help. Maybe a website or a phone number. I hate being a cheater. I don’t even sleep well at night because of this problem that I have. I have nightmares of having sex with woman that I’m not even attracted to. I’m constantly waking up out of my sleep praying to god asking for forgiveness and asking if I can get some rest without the nightmares. It’s pitiful because most people who cheat drink of do drugs and that’s their excuse. I’m 28 years of age asnd I have never done either. I have no excuses for what I do. It’s so bad that I’m scared to leave my house at night. Can somebody out there please give me a website or phone number so I can get some help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ashleee.  +, writes (19 August 2008):
firstly stop the cheating, and confront your wife, noone is perfect
you need to start thinking about why it happens, what is missing in ur marriage that you feel the need to do this.
think about the things that make u trigger to cheat, admit u have a problem and admit to ur wife, because u are not perfect and if u have a good marriage which should incorporate communication then yo should be able to dicuss this, yes she will be hurt, but in the end it will be better than her finding out through a 3rd party.
find what is triggering it and seek councelling becuase if ur sex life is good there is something wrong with the way you are thinking and responding to women.
this does happen, it isnt abnormal but it needs to stop.
take care.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): Yes I use protection & I’m honest with the females that I sleep with. They all know that I have a wife at home that I’m happy with.
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A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 You need to get help before your wife finds out and your marriage goes to crumbles.
Because no offense to you, but if she catches you cheating and then your excuse is "I'm a Sex Addict?"... I wouldn't blame her for not believing that and kicking you out.
Go see a doctor, and have them refer you to a psychologist or find out if there's somewhere where you can have group therapy.
Don't let this problem stay hanging above your head, get treatment for it so your mind can be put at ease and you don't face the possibility of losing your wife!
Take Care
xo
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): There is help available for sexual addiction, the sooner the better. Talk to your physician, check into rehab (it's easier to be clean in a safe environment) and tell your wife(not right away...get some help first) Google sex addicts anonymous for a meeting near you...it will help if you don't feel all alone in this struggle. Do it now, it is harder for a sex addict to be clean without a loving partner and trust me, you can't hide something like this forever, your wife probably is already suspicious but hasn't figured out what it wrong.....when she does, you have a very big chance of her divorcing you. Run, don't walk, to the nearest doctor.......good luck you
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A
female
reader, bemused +, writes (24 June 2008):
 Hi there. I read your post twice...just to try to get a sense of what is happening here, to you and to your marriage. I will put my two cents worth in as will the other aunts but I can say with conviction...get professional help now. I know there is help out there for sexual addictions. You are to be commended for your honesty and courage in faccing up to this. You mentiond praying about this issue. I am assuming religion looms somethere in your life and that is causing you guilt also. Were you raised with the notion that sex was somehow not something to be enjoyed, something to be kept in the closet?
From the sound of your post it would appear that you are having no trouble at all attracting sexual partners. Are you upfront about your martial status with these people. If you are not you could be hurting additional people here. This makes me think you have developed a sales pitch with is aiming these women where you want them...in the bedroom.
Are you having safe sex with these people...if you are not there is the awful prospect of stds...so very destructive. You mention you have no issues with other addictions but in some ways this can cause more pain for others as well. You seem to have so little regard for the women you bed and quite a high opinion of yourself. I guess I am just being blunt here.
Anyway I guess I sound like I am being pretty judgemental here. For the simple fact of your health and that of your wife...you need to wrap this up. I suspect that in the course of the counselling you get they may ask you to come clean about this to your wife. Your impulse control regarding sex could be marginal and there are meds for that as well. You have shown courage...good luck. Hopefully one of the other aunts will have specific contact info on where you can get help in the States.
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A
female
reader, bemused +, writes (24 June 2008):
Hi there. I read your post twice...just to try to get a sense of what is happening here, to you and to your marriage. I will put my two cents worth in as will the other aunts but I can say with conviction...get professional help now. I know there is help out there for sexual addictions. You are to be commended for your honesty and courage in faccing up to this. You mentiond praying about this issue. I am assuming religion looms somethere in your life and that is causing you guilt also. Were you raised with the notion that sex was somehow not something to be enjoyed, something to be kept in the closet?
From the sound of your post it would appear that you are having no trouble at all attracting sexual partners. Are you upfront about your martial status with these people. If you are not you could be hurting additional people here. This makes me think you have developed a sales pitch with is aiming these women where you want them...in the bedroom.
Are you having safe sex with these people...if you are not there is the awful prospect of stds...so very destructive. You mention you have no issues with other addictions but in some ways this can cause more pain for others as well. You seem to have so little regard for the women you bed and quite a high opinion of yourself. I guess I am just being blunt here.
Anyway I guess I sound like I am being pretty judgemental here. For the simple fact of your health and that of your wife...you need to wrap this up. I suspect that in the course of the counselling you get they may ask you to come clean about this to your wife. Your impulse control regarding sex could be marginal and there are meds for that as well. You have shown courage...good luck. Hopefully one of the other aunts will have specific contact info on where you can get help in the States.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): The only advise I have for you is to go to your doctor. Ask them if they can refer you to a psychologist.
Get some treatment there and you should be able to uncover the reasons why you keep doing these things that are hurting yourself and would hurt your poor wife should she ever find out. I think then you will be able to deal with your issues and stop this dishonesty.
You know that it must stop and I must say well done for being brave enough and good enough to come forward and look for help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): The only advise I have for you is to go to your doctor. Ask them if they can refer you to a psychologist.
Get some treatment there and you should be able to uncover the reasons why you keep doing these things that are hurting yourself and would hurt your poor wife should she ever find out. I think then you will be able to deal with your issues and stop this dishonesty.
You know that it must stop and I must say well done for being brave enough and good enough to come forward and look for help.
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