A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a girl online october last year she was in my country at the time, now she is back in her home country but soon to return to mine to study and also be with me.. it has progressed to full on love from not knowing each other at all a few months ago and being from totally different backgrounds. My question is, she tells me she loves me as much as i do her and all her words echo this sentiment however her actions rarely do! As its only online (and one rather awkward phonecall for us both as i guess we were shy and nervous) we only talk on msn and facebook.. but she hardly ever comes online i mean couldnt she at least take time to write me a little message on a night or when she woke up? i know im on my pc A LOT so maybe i see it as she never comes on but im always around for her. When she is on she says 'OMG I MISS YOU' etc.. but when i told her how i felt about this she got upset and said maybe i need a gf who is around me all time.. all i was asking was too maybe receive a message to see if she cares? Also when she is with me on msn she is always just leaving to do something else... so i guess what i want advice on (sorry i struggle to share my thoughts at the best of times nevermind when im going crazy on this subject) is if she really does love me or im just someone she can talk to when she feels like it and her love etc is all a game :S ive been through alot of shit and i was so low when i met this girl truely gave me some hope in my life now i just wonder is it all fake?! p.s. she really does make it feel like she loves me when she wants too. hence my total confusion... its been days since we spoke.. all cause her mum took her credit card..all she said was f*** all people etc then left me :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto be honest i think the only reason im writing this and another post i made is to try and vent some of my emotion so i dont hurt myself or do something ill regret its becoming unbearable :S at least its only 2/3 months till i see her then ill know ?? thanks anyways guys xx andy
A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (7 February 2010):
You are her online friend. That's very limited. She can be whoever she wants to be online. She can pick and choose what she tells you about what's going on with her. You say you feel shy and lack self confidence, so that may be part of the appeal for you too - you can be whoever you want to be online in a very low pressure situation. She doesn't have to see your body language or pick up on when you feel insecure, or awkward, etc. Same goes for her.
When we are feeling low about ourselves, we always look to get that "boost" from outside ourselves. This girl gave you a boost to your self esteem. Now you have become dependent on her boosting you, kind of like an addict. Which is why when she backs off you get kind of freaked out. Hey we all do it, we all need a boost now and then from others to help us, but honey, it's not fair to expect another human being with their own faults, issues, insecurities and day to day problems to always be there for you that way. And also, then what happens is your own self esteem becomes dependent on another person... if they "feed" you, you are up... if they don't, you are down. That gives a lot of your power away to another person -- and also puts a lot of responsibility on their shoulders. Nobody wants that responsibility for another person, it scares people away.
What you need to do is take the boost she gave you and build on that yourself. You need to take back control of your own self esteem and feed yourself. Then when she boosts you (or any other woman) that's great. When she doesn't you aren't lost, you can still feel good and strong. I hope that makes sense.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionye i here what youre saying im not niave or anything i think.. she recently appears to have changed alot.. not with me perse more just what she tells me.. i.e. getting expelled.. credit card took off her ..but then there is this innocent loving side and stuff its wierd :S... we ould have met but for my lack of self confidence etc. x
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (7 February 2010):
Hi honey,
Honestly we live in challenging times. I know your feelings are real... but real relationships don't happen in cyberspace. They happen face to face. Have you two ever even met? If not, then I think you have fallen in love with the "idea" of this woman, instead of who she maybe really is. I think you need to take a big step back of what you expect.I don't see any reason why you shouldn't have hope if she is going to be moving near you soon... but just don't let your hopes get ahead of themselves. You won't really know what you've got going on until you can be together face to face, and then you need to take it one step at a time.
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