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*uvchild
writes: Well I guess I didn't explain the question right. The deal with my ex and me is we're still in touch with each other and seems when we're with each other and around each other we connect very well. Sometimes, like anyone else relationship, has ups and downs. There was an STD that basically broke us apart. She seems to not be able to get over it. She tries but then boom. In my face. She says if she can't get over it thats it. She still Talks and laugh with me, but like I said when she goes through it, Boom!! I love her and I know she loves me, but gives the cold shoulder. As easy as it sounds, how can I approach her to see where we stand and where we can go. Together!!I tried leaving her and getting her out my system,but.... We're still there and I just want us to build trust once again and be happy together forever
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (19 October 2006):
 Hi Luvchild,
Thanks for clearing this up.
Firstly listen to Irish49. If you did take responsiblity for something that you do not know for sure you did, then you are suffering for no reason.
I do not know alot about clamindia, but I would suggest to talk to all your former lovers, and get them tested. At least you can rule them out as not giving it to you.
That would be your first move, and that action taken might indicate to her your sincereity.
I know what you mean about men being given the flack for this, but I am going to share something with you that might shed some light on it. I was brought up to beleive that birth control and everything related to sexual protection is MY responsiblity as a man. It is up to me, and not rely on my lovers. It is an unspoken rule in many cultures and that might be why people seem to treat you more harshly than her.
I hope you take some time out for yourself, and just get away from things. If you can afford a weekend away from your area, it may be healthy for you.
-Frank B Kermit
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2006): Maybe I have this wrong..but is what you are saying, is that one of you had chlamydia? And it's not known who spread this to the other and where it originated? If you both had sex partners before getting together, you may never know where it came from and who had it first. Don't be so quick to take full responsibility. By doing that, your ex gf then assumed you gave it to her and she's finding that hard to forgive. And that is unfair to you. Sometimes, people (especially females) have a very emotionally traumatic time when they have an STD. They feel tainted and soiled. This could be what she's experiencing. Tell her that you are concerned about the pettiness and alienation going on in this friendship/ and because no one knows for sure where this STD originated...it's time to forget the past and lay this to rest, once and for all.
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male
reader, luvchild +, writes (19 October 2006):
luvchild is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst off, I never cheated on her. Also I said I was the one she blamed straight off the bat. I'm not saying that it wasn't me and I'm not saying it was; however, I fessed up and had taken full responsibility for this situation. I love this woman and always try my hardest to prove it to her. I started thinking to myself, why am I blaming myself and she isn't stepping up taking any part. Its easy to put the blame on someone bam just like that. What about that person in the mirror. It was chlamydia. I guess this is how you spell it. I love this woman with all my heart. Once again, NEVER DID I CHEAT ON HER. That was for the record. I appreciate the advice. I know its hard for her, but what about me. It seems like guys always get bashed on and looked at wrong. We don't make all the mistakes now. It takes two or did people forget taht one?Thanks for the over critisism though. I apologize for not being clear. It still hurts to this day that sometimes I just can't think straight. Forgive me.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (18 October 2006):
hey Man,
First, you might want to try taking responsibility for what you did. I must "infer" from your post that you gave her the STD, and did so through cheating on her, becuase of the vague nature of your writings. If I am wrong please correct me.
That being said, you also do not mention what the STD is. Is it something treatable and temporary, or life threatening?
Assuming you gave her something permanent that she will have to live with for the rest of her life, and assuming it happened becuase you cheated on her, as oppose to you already had it and did not know until it was too late, then dude, maybe you should be taking your lumps.
Again, I say maybe, becuase your post is not clear.
If you really really want to prove your loyality to her, then pledge your monogamy to her.
If your post is any indication of the way you take responsiblity for the pain you inflict on others (yes, giving someone an STD is such a form of pain and viloation) then she has every right to blow up at you.
-Frank B Kermit
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