A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for 9 months and I had accepted her sexual past. Recently I found out that she slept with her ex just before we started dating. The thing is just before this happened we spent the night together as friends and she knew I was very interested. She refused to simply kiss me that night claiming she felt as though her and someone else were in a relationship. I respected this since she said if it didn't work out with him before the end of spring break it was over. However she slept with her ex of two months when she was home for break. I am just wondering if i am justified in being a little disturbed by this information and am wondering if i should be concerned. Thank You for you thoughts.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): Wow, really glad I came across this question...I thought my situation was hard.
My girlfriend spent the weekend with another guy, and we started chatting to each other for the first time merely days afterwards. It's an annoying fact...but she has me convinced that she didn't have any hangups about it, when we started dating. We're still together 6 months down the track and I think what you eventually realise (it does take time), is that you need to trust her - the bottom line. And if you don't, well then that's that.
It's annoying...especially if you feel she is 'it', the one, that the story of how you two began, was like this...but as someone said earlier, the world is not ideal. The beginning will fade into nothing, after years and many good memories that you create together...well, so it's meant to go anwyay. I wish my other half was my first, not that I regret my past experiences, but maybe she can be my last! Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs far as obsessing goes I don't really think I fall in that category as I found out less than 24 hours ago. Of course she did the classic " If it makes you feel any better it didn't mean anything" which of course made it worse.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs far as obsessing goes I don't really think I fall in that category as I found out less than 24 hours ago. Of course she did the classic " If it makes you feel any better it didn't mean anything" which of course made it worse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): i share similar experience with my current GF of 15 months. in the few months leading up to our first date we spent most of our time together as friends. i really liked her, she said she wasn't ready (getting over a break up). once we started dating i found out that she went on a date with a guy and slept with him that night, just a few weeks before our first date and after we started sleeping together. also, i found out the first two times we hooked up (nothing past 2nd) she had slept with her ex previously that same night.this information was VERY VERY upsetting to learn. i am still not completely over it. and while she might have dragged me along or taken me for granted, she really didn't do anything technically wrong as all of this happened before we started officially dating. so, while you can hold it against her, technically you can't. it will be your own personal decision if you can live with that information or not. my situation sounds worse than yours, and as time has passed i'm handling it better and better. i don't think i'll ever forget though, so that makes me doubt if i can spend forever with this girl.up to you man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): Note your operative words being 'before we dated'. Does that not tell you something? From a female point of view, perhaps she needed closure & that last shag probably told her that it was not worth going back there. Stop obsessing & be IN the current relationship. For goodness sakes, lighten up as you have a whole lotta years ahead of you & assuming hopefully you're not thinking of marrying her right away does it then not give you sufficient time to find the person best suited to you? PS: there's no such thing as the ideal person & in this eat or be eaten world, its best to now & again do an audit/reality check of our relationships to determine our status in the relationship food-chain.
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