A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've had a VERY close female friend for the last 10 months, in the past we've admitted we both like each other more than friends but never really did anything about it, she even went as far as to tell me I have all the qualities she's looked for in a guy. In the last week this girl had been getting very intimate with me, holding arm/hands, rubbing my face/hair, starting to do small things out of the ordinary to make me happy, randomly singing the lyrics to love songs and even asking what my future plans for marriage/kids are!This was all getting rather full on emotionally as I still like her too, so I had a talk about how we should progress with each other and was told that she still has feelings for me, but opposites attract and we get along too well to enter a relationship, she would compete with me as a friend.I have no idea what that means and it's left me incredibly confused, she said she couldn't put it any simpler than that. Can any females explain this for me?!?I get the feeling she doesn't really know what she wants, but it's too much emotional stress for me to stick around and play games anymore, she seems to prefer to lose me completely than even giving anything a try.Thanks. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): To be honest she sounds like a bitch.
You can't lead a guy on and then refuse to see it through.
Either you act like a friend or you act like a lover. You can't have both.
Clearly she wants some asshole who treats her like crap. And let have that arsehole. Eventually she'll grow tired of that crap and when she crawls back to you, you will have found a woman who's not an immature little skank.
Flynn 24
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply, perhaps I didn't make it clear in my original post, but I'm well aware of what I want. We both can't stick around in this phase forever, so either move forward or move on. It's a horrible thought to lose her but what we're doing now isn't healthy for either of us, and I'd sure as hell prefer we move forward rather than move on.
What I'm confused about is her reasoning, in my head it comes across as 'I like you a lot but I'm not going to go out with you because we get a long too well' which is kind of like saying "we're really good together, but I'd rather pick someone I'm not as compatible with". Maybe I've misunderstood, maybe someone can see a different reason in that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply Griffo, perhaps I didn't make it clear in my original post, I know what I want, and I know that we can't sit in this state we are currently in forever, we either move forward or move on, I've come to except that although I don't think she has. Sure I don't want to lose her just as much as she doesn't want to lose me, but where we are is not healthy for either of us.
What I'm confused about is her reply, in my mind she has said 'I love you but I'm not going to go out with you', I'm wondering if I've misunderstood or if she really just is too confused about what she wants, and why someone might choose such an option.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Simply put, she's not sexually turned on by you.
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Sounds to me that she is more confused than you are. You see if you want to be with someone you have to be friends first and by being friends you figure out all the qualities of each other. Some get very close others don't but it takes friends to become lovers.
Porn stars have this notion that you are either a friend or a lover. Lover meaning sex partner. But you see that's just it, your just a sex partner. Now for some reason this has rubbed off onto general society and social culture where people actually believe the same rules apply ... But they don't. You can be best friends and great sex partners ... Think about it. Who ever said you can't?
Although to you she seems like a lovely person I feel her mind has become corrupt by these notions of separation between a friend and a lover and because of this I don't see it working with you both unless she opens her eyes and sees this too.'you can try to explain to her or show her, however be aware that you may either get hurt or lose her. If your lucky then you know what will happen.
The best relationships are the ones that start out by being friends first and the stronger that is. The stronger you will both be together.
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