A
male
age
,
*ickLC
writes:I would appreciate some insight (help) from some ladies. I am in a relationship that is going well in almost every way. We are getting pretty serious but I have a concern. I am 56 and she is 52. We have had an active sex life but she doesn't seem to want me to help her climax. I have tried manually and orally but she seems to be easily distracted during our lovemaking. She never denies me but I don't want to always hop on and be the only one to climax. When I ask what I can do differently she becomes defensive which creates strain. She has told me to not stress about it and part of me feels silly for complaining. Maybe it's my ego,.....Thanks in advance for your help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2014): Sir, after menopause a woman's sex drive may be somewhat diminished. You should do some reading on female sexuality over the age of fifty and after menopause. Even you aren't functioning as you did 30 years ago. Many factors must be taken into account about her sexual-response, and you may want to minimize verbalizing to her what she should want.
It's her body, and perhaps she is content with the way things are in the bedroom.
It takes women longer to orgasm, and sometimes the harder you work at it; the effort seems mechanical or laborious, and thus looses it's appeal. You wouldn't want to come-off agitated or disappointed. That could lower her self-esteem or embarrass her; because you may be pressuring her to react in order to pacify your own ego. If she isn't complaining, leave it alone.
If you want to know what's going on in her head, you can warmly ask her what truly turns her on sexually. If she's old-school, she may not feel comfortable having graphic discussions about her "orgasms;" so she avoids the topic altogether.
She's only defensive, because you're getting too sexually explicit for her comfort level. Like men who don't feel comfortable discussing erectile dysfunction. No one likes any implication they may be deficient in some way. If she seems distracted; perhaps it's because you enjoy sex more than she does. She asked you not to stress about it. The bedroom is the last place you want stress and anxiety!
You didn't ask for another male's opinion. It helps to have different perspectives.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 November 2014):
 Isn't it hard to be a man? If you don't help her achieve orgasm, you are selfish. If you care too much about orgasms, you have a big fragile ego. As long as you both enjoy sex, that's what it matters. Some women take a long time to orgasm and they feel all that pressure and panting is not worth it. For me, it's the duration of the sex that feels good, not the end result of it. For some women, they just have to know what an orgasm feels like, get rid of that mystery, that's it. And for others, they need an orgasm each time to complete. We are all different and honestly I don't feel having an orgasm is a must. If she asks you to relax about it then relax.
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