A
male
age
41-50,
*netwoone
writes:please help me!! i had a long distance girlfriend for 3 years and we spent some amazing time together, both deeply in love with eachother.3 months ago, as she was finishing college she broke it off with me after about a week of silence from her end [we were in two seperate countries at the time]she cited reasons like the spark wasnt there anymore, and that she wasn't ready to settle down. she said she felt suffocated at the idea that our relationship was 'the one' and she wasnt ready for it.it broke me to hear that and i became pretty upset over it, especially as she never communicated any of this previously.which she aknolages saying she just doesnt know how she feels most of the time about things and thus cant talk about it.. anyway, a few weeks later she was back in the country where i live and we met up as freinds on a few occasions.eventually things became physical and we spent a weekend together, shortly after things finished again with her saying she only wanted to have a casual relationship with me and i felt differently and wanted more..i decided to move on and convinced myself she wasnt the one for me. apart from 1 or two times replying to her texts over the last 2 months, i havnt communicated with her and felt like i was almost over her, until last night. we spoke on the phone for some time and she told me she wants to meet this week. she also says she's moving away half across the world in a few months time[ dropped caually into the conversation by her]. after speaking to her, i relaised i still have lots of feeelings for her, and if she moved away i might be upset over her all over again.she also says shes pissed off at not hearing from me at all since the breakup and that ive avoided meeting her.[which i have, as i felt i needed to move on]. im going to meet her tommorow at her request[ she wants me to stay over at her plasce a few hours from where i live], but im worried that we might get attached again, even though she says she is moving away soon. what should i do?? i still love her , even though she has her faults. could it be possible that she wants to see how much i still feel for her, and she could be having doubts about moving away because of that??? she has a lot of pride in her and she wont admit her feelings unless she feels she is in a safe place to do so.so its so hard to gauge where i stand with her. i just dont know why she wants to start meeting again now that she says she is moving away and possibly for good.if i get attached to her again and she moves away for real, i know ill be devestated.or she could be wanting to see if 'we' are worth another try..help me!! any advice out there??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (25 July 2008):
I think you are setting yourself up for a fall here.
She may just want to see you to say goodbye, and to make sure there are no bad feelings before she sets off.
You did the right thing by cutting contact and I think it's a bit selfish of her to complain about it.
She might want some casual sex over the time that she sees you but please don't fall into the trap. See her but keep telling yourself that you are over her and it is never going to happen.
My best advice is not to risk it and don't go but I have a feeling you would go anyway.
Good Luck!! xx
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