A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So basically we have history we used to go out for a year, after that they started to date for 3 years, the last year of that relationship, he neglected her and she was tired of it, but also feels she's part of the relationship failing too. So now here comes the curve ball. They broke up in summer, I started talking to her again in October and started dating in November it's now January and it's very evident she's not over him, and I am at the point where I love this girl and I'm doing everything to try to make this work out being patient, and taking it slow.She says she cares a lot about me and she does truly like me, but her love for her ex is getting in the way, she thinks a relationship isn't what she needs right now, yet if that were the case, she would have broken up with me, and now her aggravation is surfacing since I'm the only guy she really talks to like this, I obviously and getting the feedback, I know somewhere she does truly want to be with me, but her love for her ex is getting in the way, personally I don't believe he deserves her love for what he did to her.What do you think I should do, she said she's not going to break up with me because then she would be acting selfish.
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female
reader, scotlandgirl  +, writes (13 January 2009):
I have had a similar experience to you (except that we didn't have a prior history and we met while she was still with her ex). After that she said she couldn't handle a relationship at the time and needed time to get her head together. I really thought that it was over forever. I thought she'd meet someone else before she felt she was ready to get back together with me. She then came back to me, so I guess patience pays off.
It is probably better for both of you to spend some time apart and let her get over her ex - these things take time. It will be hard for you, but better in the long run to suffer a little now and then be ready for her when she's ready for you than her staying with you out of guilt and then leaving you because she wasn't able to give your relationship a chance.
If she says she isn't for a relationship right now, you should listen to her! Good luck!
A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (12 January 2009):
 "If you truly love somebody, set them free. If they return, they were always yours, if not, the never were."
Maybe she needed more time to get her feelings set up. It depends on the person who quick she/he is to get over an ex, they all do, eventually.
The best thing to do, in my opinion and it might not be what you want to hear, is say that you just want her to be happy and that you want to feel loved but understand that she can't for now and that it would be best if you could sort those emotions out before moving on.
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