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male
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anonymous
writes: My girlfriend of 3 months just recently told me we needed some time apart for herself she said she still cared for me and everything and said that she wanted to be with me. This decision for time apart came out the blue to me; we was happy and everything. What can I do to get her back since we both want to be together? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2006): I agree with Clarey. Besides, why on earth would you want to be with someone who had to be talked into it? I know that's easy to say. My bf of a year - the only man I've ever really loved - broke up with me 3 weeks ago. And I would give anything to have him back. I have to see him nearly every day, as we're in grad school together, in all the same classes. I just saw him tonight, and it killed me to be near him, talking to our mutual friends, but not to be with him. But what are you going to do? I hate it, and I cry about it almost every day. But look - he loves me and knows he'll never find anyone better suited for him. Nonetheless, there are other problems - his problems - that make it impossible for us to be together. My guess is, that will always be the case. Eventually he'll get over his hang-ups, but by then it will be too late for the two of us. I'll move on and so will he, and we'll both find other people to make us happy. Maybe not happier, but just as happy as we ever were seems hypothetically possible. The only thing you can do is give her the space she asks for. My guess is that she won't come back to you. I've asked for space before, and it usually meant I knew I wanted out but was too chickensh*t to say so. I was afraid of giving up a good guy, even though I knew, fantastic though he was, he wasn't right for me.Hold your head up high (at least in public) where possible, and cry your heart out at home in the evenings. I'm getting more and more comfortable with that idea. Everyone keeps telling me it's okay, b/c love matters, and it hurts a lot. If I can do it, so can you. Believe me, I'm not that strong.
A
male
reader, brads5 +, writes (3 February 2006):
hi there sorri to hear about whats happened, i am currently in the same position but i am partly to blame for that, but i think i have slowly learned already you have to sit tight i know its hard and i find it so hard not to text or ring, but am now gonna give her space and see if not i will move on- try be strong keep your head up mate
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A
female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (1 February 2006):
 The answer is not to try and get her back. It is the most likely way of acheiving it. If you can show her that you can manage without her and even perhaps make friends with new girls (not necessarily girlfriends) the power balance will shift in your favour. If she does not want to be with you though there is nothing you can do that will convince her. You will just seem more and more needy. Try the power approach, you never know you may meet someone else at the same time.
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