A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive dated 7 girls and im almost twenty but ive never had what i would call a real girlfriend. All 7 girls lasted for less then a month to two months and things fell apart because of their issues because of past relationships or some outside issue just made it fall apart. They always say its not my fault and some have said they will date me later when they sort things out or the issue resolves themselves.The most recent account was my last, the 7th who is a little over a year so away from turning 18 and her parents wont let her date me until she moves out or is legally an adult. She loved me and still does but she couldn't handle waiting that long even tho she sat on her feelings for me almost two years without ever saying anything. We got really close recently till she just snapped and couldn't take not seeing me and now were taking a break till she turns 18. She is talking to another guy who is younger then her and she has admitted to me and several of her friends that she is more or less planning to use the guy to keep herself sane while she waits even tho we all think that's a terrible idea.She broke down on me and basically and basically said she has to feel physically needed otherwise she becomes emotionally unstable. *Can women actually be that way, she acts like getting physical affection is the only way she can be happy in life, is this some sort of mental condition? It doesn't seem like that would be necessarily healthy to think that's the only thing that makes you happy. She has always seemed to not have any interests outside of people and relationships really. She has no real hobbies or things she really gets into. I was and will continue to try to help here find interests but so far she has yet to find anything. *Does any of this point to know conditions? She feels like she has to use this guy even if its ethically wrong to selfishly make her self happy by faking emotional attachment for a year and possibly devastating the guy if he doesn't get wind of this before she cuts it off if im still available. *Should i find a way to warn the guy?Its because up till now she cared how other people feel, if their sad, happy,in pain, or any other emotion. After she couldn't have me her emotional condition dropped hard and now she is afraid of being hurt again, afraid that if she waits a year i will find someone else while were physically distance and has stopped caring about other peoples emotions only her own. Her ex boyfriends have done similar things when her parents black listed them, and the guys always left her for another girl because of the distance. She wont listen to reason and gets defensive when you argue with her logic and just doesn't listen and gets mad. Were trying to stop her from making a mistake but she wont listen. I was willing to wait but after she refused to listen to me or her other friends, ive told her and have started looking for another relationship since she is, she wants me to use someone as well and i refused and told her if i find someone else i like or love she is going to loose her chance over her stupidity. Ive already found another girl who seems interested in one day of looking and im talking to her but i haven't told her this and don't honestly know if i should.*What should i do about the above situation? Ive been told im very attractive and a very good guy yet even tho a lot of girls show interest i feel like i always feel for those ones that are too complicated emotionally to have a working relationship and things fall apart before they really start. Im a virgin and have not done anything more then kiss, and that wasn't like a hardcore fondling grabbing kiss, just sorta kissing and holding. I almost had sex once but it didn't feel right when she advanced on me and i panicked and then as she kept coming on to me we got interrupted sorta saving me. It was ultimately a good thing i didn't loose my virginity then because she just ended up hurting me and cheating on me. Its not like im looking for girls with issue it just keeps happening. Is it possible that im subconsciously attracted to girls with issues? Ive always been a caring person and i wonder if that my mind is drawn to these girls because of it. Even the girl im talking to now is shy and has possible issue but i haven't got into her personality deep enough yet to know. *What can i look for to avoid this and what traits can i look for in women to not keep falling for the ones i cant have a relationship with?Im really starting to feel like my age is the worst place to be right now relationship wise, younger women are to young emotionally and the older ones are usually a little to different to work i guess, maybe i have a little growing up to do still before im compatible with them. Thanks Aunts
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): ok, so i know i'm only 15 and that means that anything i say may not even be relevant to your feelings, but what is there to loose in trying to help :)
i've been in 4 relationships, none lasting over 3 months and the first 3 i went through involved nothing further than hugging or holding hands. in my personal experience, i never found this to be a problem.
i understand that as you get older these feelings could change but i think that it could be quite unhealthy to crave physical contact as much as you say this girl is. i also agree with you in that it can't be healthy for this to be the only thing that makes her happy.
you should encourage her to start doing something (a sport or hobby etc) in her free time. she might find something she really enjoys doing and a way of taking her mind off any problems she may face.
i'm really sorry but i'm not sure how to answer the other parts of your question but i really hope that something i've said can help you
all my luck and good wishes :) xx
A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (23 March 2010):
 If she can't date, so can't date you, ... then how does it make any sense that she is going to be able to date someone else instead?
As for other stuff, ... yes women like affection, expect it in a relationship, will bitch at men partners who don't give it to them, (me included lol) ... but no, it is not right that anyone of any gender have their overall happiness determined by whether they are getting any or not.
I don't think there is an actual condition encompassing this sort of need, but i would say that the person does not really know themselves, is not of a strong disposition, and rely on others to make their happiness for them instead of finding their own reservoir within. Not good imo to be allow others to determine our own realities to that extent. Put's a lot of pressure on partners and friends too because I imagine such a person would be very touchy and could make others either feel guilty/bad, or just plain ol piss em off when responsibility for anothers happiness kinda gets lumped on them as their obligation. Sounds like hard work so they'd wanna have a lot going for them otherwise to bother taking that on.
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