A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a few questions actually.I have currently aquired a new boyfriend, he is in fact the first boyfriend I've had in over a year. We've been dating for a little over 3 months. I care for him alot but seem to keep my feelings for him at a distance instead of letting him in. Is it because I'm trying to protect myself from getting hurt again? He has a blood disorder, Von WilleBrands Disorder, that restricts him from doing certain things. He is wanting to join the Marines, but I made a comment about how his disorder wouldn't allow him to be accept. Should I have been supportive instead? I feel like I should have been, but I tend to speak my thoughts. And he is a little sensitive on the subject of his disorder keeping him from certain things, and because of that I shouldn't have been so blunt. He obviously has a right to be upset with me and is. I told him I was sorry and should've kept that thought to myself, I don't know what else to say to him about it. Help? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): It's fine to say, for example, that you think it is risky to join given his vWB.
You can express concern but without being nagging, of course. And after all, if there is a significant risk, experts examining his full medical records should be able to take this into consideration before granting him permission to enroll, right? Seeing the problems associated with this disease, I, too, would think he is likely to be rejected. In which case you can say you are sorry and that perhaps it is for the best, and that maybe there is another glorious mission awaiting for him.
Many things can be discussed provided that you express them in a nice, correct manner.
"I'm sure they will reject you because of your disease!"
sounds better put as:
"I understand why you would like to join them, but I would worry whether it is safe to enroll with your condition?"
If you think you were too blunt, you can tell him that you were feeling concerned but will respect his decision. And add the glorious mission part. That is it. Done.
Nobody likes to be reminded of their disease all the time (I can't tell how serious this one is) but, as boyfriend and girlfriend you should be able to express interest in one another also regarding your safety and health, being a trivial cold or a condition like this. Just don't overdo it. Another point to note is that issues of this type should be treated with delicacy so as not to make the person feel uncomfortable - he is still so very young and can be easily touched by certain comments, but I'm sure he is able to see your good intentions if you deliver a nice message. Also, people with different conditions usually don't like to be overprotected so... leave it to the medics, they will know if he is apt for this mission or not.
Best of luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): Supporting your partner is fantastic. Supporting them when you know there's a huge chance of rejection is foolish. Why build him up only to be more crushed down the track. He doesn't want to view himself as any less of a man because of his disorder, but unfortunately that's not the way things work when it comes to the army. Even asthma can stop you from getting in. It sucks, but don't feel bad, I think you did the right thing.
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