A
male
age
36-40,
*ike28
writes:Ok here it goes. I've been writing and talking to this girl for a couple months now, and were starting to get along really well. We're both the same age, 28 and have a lot in common. It started off as just getting to know each other as friends, and now she's wanting to take it further, and i do too actually. My problem is this: She brought up the subject of her past boyfriends, telling me she's had 5 total. She asked how many girlfriends i've had before and thats the problem. I've never told anyone but i am still a virgin at 28. I've never had a serious girlfriend, really nothing more than the rare date. I've always been kind of shy and not good at meeting new people; it takes me a while to open up for others. I also was never much on going to bars or clubs or things like that so that didn't help. But now i feel like i am ready and i don't know how to procede. I don't want to lie, because first off that doesn't seem right and second i'm no good at it, but i also don't quite feel ready to bring up that i've never been in any kind of a relationship. I feel like this could get serious but i could really use some advice and i didn't know where to turn to. I came across this site and was reading some of the posts and decided that maybe someone else on here had been down this road and could help me out. I don't want to screw this up, so anything anyone could tell me would be greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, kepler20  +, writes (23 July 2012):
I was seeing a girl my age for a while. She brought up her past 'accomplishments' (a lot more than 5!). She later asked me about my first time and I told her that I was still a virgin. She was a little surprised but it did not put her off. I would recommend telling her the same.
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (2 July 2012):
Having girlfriends, and having sex, are two different (though often related) things. At this point - especially since she raised the topic - you should probably let her know that you haven't had a serious girlfriend before. Assuming that you're a more-or-less typical guy this shouldn't be a problem for her if she has noble intentions. In fact, she may actually find it rather attractive and charming! It'll probably be a real problem only if she's out to "carve notches" by sleeping with as many guys as possible, in an attempt to find her "ideal" sex partner.
Before you have sex with her - and I mean days or weeks before it happens, not as you're undressing each other - she really should know that you're a virgin guy. If she's considerate and understanding of both the physical and emotional implications of this she'll approach the event somewhat differently. Again, if she is interested in YOU as a person and not just a bed partner your inexperience may well be especially attractive to her.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 July 2012):
 I think you should just say to her you have never been in what you would call a serious relationship. Tell her you where not wanting a girlfriend up until now. Arrange to meet up and see where things go. You do not need to tell her you are a virgin. Just get to know each other more and enjoy each others company. Once she gets to know you more face to face and you are comfortable around her then you can reveal that you want her to be your first. Just remember it is up to you when to tell her this, but don't lie to her because if this does become serious you may regret it. Also remember never to be ashamed of being a virgin. It is good that you wait until you meet someone special and you are ready.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (1 July 2012):
I think you should just say to her you have never been in what you would call a serious relationship. Tell her you where not wanting a girlfriend up until now. Arrange to meet up and see where things go. You do not need to tell her you are a virgin. Just get to know each other more and enjoy each others company. Once she gets to know you more face to face and you are comfortable around her then you can reveal that you want her to be your first. Just remember it is up to you when to tell her this, but don't lie to her because if this does become serious you may regret it. Also remember never to be ashamed of being a virgin. It is good that you wait until you meet someone special and you are ready.
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A
male
reader, Nehemie Mb  +, writes (1 July 2012):
Well, this can be delicate matter, but it can be simple really. In my book virginity is not an issue, I'm sure if your girl is mature, it won't be for her either. Actually, from anecdotal data, I can tell you that it's rather a big turn on for women [smile]. So, if you've made it this far with her, you'll be okay. I'm sure she doesn't go around telling everybody about her past relationships, this means that you've already built a certain level of comfort and intimacy. You're special to her.Just be natural, be yourself. And you don't have to bring up that subject, but if she ever does, tell her the truth with a bit of humor, like for example: "This is great, it gives me the opportunity to get some action going since I've been a little rusty for the past 28 years". This may not be to your taste but, use something like that, be creative, humor lightens the atmosphere.Don't be overly serious about it, she'll worry about it ONLY IF you're worried about it!!! I know how it can feel to be a virgin when society considers you shouldn't be a virgin anymore. I've been there and I didn't give a damn about it. Don't either. It probably means you've been busy with something constructive.I bet she'll feel honored that she's your first choice EVER! Yeah, it's pretty special. And I think this will be a test to see if she really likes you for who you are. If she can't accept the fact that you haven't had any previous experience, then she's really really really, but, really not worth it!If all goes well, then somewhere down the road, it'll come time to actually do it. Don't read the rubbish they put in books/magazines or porn movies. Every woman is different!!! Trust me, ask her a lot of questions, ask for her help, ask her what she likes and how she likes it. Communication is important. Don't do the cocky-I-am-the-sex-machine persona, it doesn't work, it never does. It's not a contest, it's the most intimate moment two human beings can have or the funnest :)And the funniest thing about sexual performance is that being worried about it actually decreases it! So, set an easy mood, allow yourself to stumble, and goof a bit, she'll find it very sexy.From where I stand it comes right down to this: Who would pass up factory fresh for second hand merchandise? eh? And I'm here today to tell you my friend that YOU'RE FACTORY FRESH :) Think about it! And all in all, relax, it'll be just fine! Good luck!Lucky 28 eh? I surely do hope so :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2012): As the complete gentleman you are you do not need to discuss any of your past girlfriends
Nor do you have to reveal that you are a virgin.
You can, or you can choose not to.
You can thank her for telling you her past history. Though she did not have to reveal that. In fact what anyone did in the past sexually or did not do sexually is no one else's business.
Out of respect for all the parties I think what you did or did not do is irrelevant.
You have chosen to be with her.
There may be some anxiety. You could even make it into a little scenario and tell her that you would like to treat it as if it the first time you have ever made love to a woman who you truly WANT to make love to.
Not a lie as such.
And to inspire you perhaps check out this article I saw mentioned in another post
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/spicing-up-your-sex-life.html
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