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male
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*sky2201
writes: I just recently got back with my girlfriend who I had been with for three and a half years. I had broken up with her the last time becuase I was unsure that I was ready for marraige. We are back together now and are moving in together soon. I just found out that she slept with a friend of ours five times while we were apart(which was less than 2 months). The first time was a week after we broke up! I am absolutly crushed! I had a sneaking suspicion that she was but she always denied it and would make me feel bad for asking about it(she would say what type of girl do you think I am, I have self control etc.), which was complete bullshit! She feels terrible about it and regrets it. I do still truly love her and believe her I just don't know how to get over something like that. Any advice is really appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2006): From what I see YOU have let her go, you hve let her down because you were not sure of getting married to her. The similar situation happened to my best friend, her boyfriend of 11 years kept on leaving her because he was not ready for marriage and comming back, every time, he slept and had relashionships with other girls. The last time, they broke up for a year and she finally had a relationship with a new guy. When they came back together, she ommited some details and lied, because she knew he would freak out and because she knew he had no rights to get mad at her after, He had left her. When he found out, he wanted to let her go again, because she was a ****in his eyes, finally some sens came into him and they are now very happy, getting married.It was a rebound and if you gf is not with him anymore, everything should be fine let go of your man ego, girls go to that extreem too to feel go after a break-up. Let it go, think about what you have done by letting her go in the first place. This will be the biggest test to see you really deaply love her enough.
A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (21 July 2006):
 She made you feel bad for asking that question?:-O thats pretty rough...Ask yourself if you think it may be possible for you to ever forgive her and trust her again. What if there's another problem later on, will she do something similar? Once you know those two... well I guess it'll be a start for you to decide what you wanna do next.If you dont think you can get this out of your system or if you think your gf wont hang around long enough for you to get to terms with this, then I think you should leave.And Malyce_Synn72, thanks for the advice on the first few lines! Useful and works with anyone;-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2006): When someone feels the need to answer a question with another question; they are defensive and hiding something.
That she put the burden of responsibility of answering that question back on you is a most common indicator of someone lying and wanting hide something.
You knew she was lying, how did you deal with this?
Have you both discussed getting some counselling?
This is a good and viable way of uncovering any flaws of the relationship; it is a good way to learn of one another and what is expected of one another.
Do you want to trust her? Do you want to forgive her? Do you love her in the feeling sense and then love her in the verb sense?
Is she willing to commit to you? Is she willing to work on having you trust in her? Is she willing to be honest?
It is true that if you cannot trust and rely in someone you love and if they are not willing of changing; is there really a point?
Get some counselling and don't move in until you can trust in her, until she has proven to you she can be trusted in, until you have forgiven her. This will take time and counselling is a good way to spend that time.
Best of Luck Guy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2006): Don't bother trying to get over it she is a liar and was probably carrying on with this other person before. Let her go, and move on, the trust has now gone and you will NEVER know what she is doing now, or who she is with, or whether she is thinking about someone else. If she got together with this other bloke a week after you broke up, she wasn't very sorry to see you go then, and lets face it, your gut feeling probably tells you she was with this other person all along. I think uyou deserve better and your probably trying to justify her actions, but face the facts, otherwise you will get hurt.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2006): This is almost identical to the situation I found myself in a few months ago. The problem you have here is that and think carefully, was she the one who was pushing for a break when you broke up or even hinting at it. If so she had been thinking about him for a while, thought about what she would do and then just did it - not considering your feelings.
I bet that when you accussed her the waterworks started as well to make you feel guilty about asking, then you would have to apologise and make it up to her.
My advice here will hurt like hell because you love her so much. I would advise letting her go.
Your situation only differs from mine in that when we got back together, she didn't stop seeing him. In your case, you now know she's an expert liar so how do you really know its not still going on? You now know what she's capable of. I bet although deep down you had suspicions you didn't really believe they were true and this is tearing you up inside ie. picturing her having sex with him.
Trust is gone and so will your sanity go if you stay.
Good luck I hope it works out for you.
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