A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I love her but she's married...After close to a year she's told me that she can't continue and she can't give me what I want but she values my friendship more than anything. I dunno why but I can't seem to let her go. What do I do? Am I wrong for even starting this?
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female
reader, bemused  +, writes (29 September 2007):
 Statistics bear out the cold reality of this situation. Most people seek a significant other who will first and foremost be there and available for them. Common sense would dictate that a married person...no matter how well intentioned cannot do this. I guess you can either live with the limitations of this or you cannot. I would agree with Phiatiger that you are being offered friendship so things are kept harmonious and you will not say anything. Look at the reality here...you are not being appreciated or respected and you need to cut all ties and back away and do not put yourself through this heartache again. Not all the world is your oyster where other peoples feelings are concerned. This gal is comfortable in her marriage and much as she might like you..you were a diversion. She has done you a favor as now you are free to find the person out there who is looking for you and CAN give you something. Good luck
A
male
reader, Jaymanlee +, writes (28 September 2007):
Thanks for the feedback all. I really appreciate you all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): Been there done this bro. Still in love with my ex who I homewrecked with her BF of a long time and I hate that I still want to be with her. :-\ I tried to be friends but cutting ties is easier on you in the long run. Let her go and learn your lesson of hooking with a married chick. I learned the sex was good but the drama and heartache that came with it wasn't.......not so much.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): As a woman who just in the past few days ended a relationahip with a married man, (I didn't know he was married for six months and I was emotionally in deep. Stayed for three more months of hell) I feel for you.
But you have to realize that you will never win out over her husband. If that was going to happen, it would have happened early on. It hurts, but you've got to end all contact. Also, ask yourself if you are more miserable when you are apart than you are happy when you are together.
Also, ask youself if she would be there for you when you are going through a rough time in your life and really need that friendship that she values so much from you. Friendship is a two-way street. I'd guess no, she would not be there for you because it would compromise her marriage. I had an aunt who had a long-time affair with a married man and when he got cancer he was not there for her and she died alone.
Married people who engage in affairs, in particular with single people, and have no intentions of leaving their marriage are being selfish. And don't buy into the line that they will end their marriages "eventually".
Good luck! It hurts. I know.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (28 September 2007):
 How would you feel if it was your wife? Do you even have to ask if it was wrong of you? Cut all contact, and move on. It is not about how you feel about her, it is about how she treats you.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): Yes it was wrong starting anything with a married woman, She was the one committed however, and should have not allowed any relationship to continue.Whats suddenly made her want to be faithful to her husband? guilt?
I dont think that she does value your friendship, I think she wants to keep her options open and keep you sweet so you dont tell.
Im afraid you will have to cut your losses, staying friends wont work.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (27 September 2007):
 Yes, it was wrong to start seeing a married woman, but people do it all the time for various reasons. Usually you think they'll leave their spouse for you. Sometimes they do. This one didn't. At any rate, someone usually ends up getting hurt when the affair is over. A friendship is going to cause you more pain, so if she's serious about staying with her husband, then back off and don't be so available to her anymore. You may even want to start dating other women. It'll help you get over her, and if she really does love you, she may actually file for divorce and choose to be with you instead. Good luck.
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