A
male
age
41-50,
*yersd
writes:I have been going out with this girl for about three months, although we have kind of paused twice whilst we each went on holiday about a month of that. We are both 33, and it has been a year since we both broke up from long term relationships. We have dated around 8 times, and last week we met up and she said she could not commit to a long-term relationship with me (and she is aware that that is what I want - which is she is correct about), and we kind of ended it there. She said we may meet up again in a couple of months or so as friends, then on Thursday she asked me out for lunch. I kind of took it to be lunch as friends, but throughout the lunch and then some light hearted shopping she was flirting with me as she did when we were dating. She is off on holiday again tomorrow for 2 weeks and I am off on holiday for two weeks in a weeks time, so I did not try to seek clarity about what is going on. I really like this girl and feel very differently towards her to all the other girls I have dated this year, and am finding it heard to get her out of my head. She seems to say one thing then do another. I acknowledge that I have no idea how to read how she is thinking. Any ideas how to progress with this?
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broke up, flirt, on holiday Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 August 2008):
Tell her that you don't like being messed about and don't want to be left hanging for 3 weeks. Agree that you'll talk about it properly when you get back.
She probably just realised she doesn't want you to have a holiday romance.
Take control, tell her to wait till you are both back and available and then sort it out in 3 weeks.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, myersd +, writes (23 August 2008):
myersd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd things get even more complicated. She now says she was hasty in breaking up and that she want to carry on going out with me.
This she says just before she is going away for two weeks, and I am away for the third. Talk about great timing!
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A
male
reader, myersd +, writes (23 August 2008):
myersd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI may wait a life time to actually understand her (or any woman for that matter)!
Is she toying with me? I have no idea.
Is she interested in someone else, I don't think so.
Is she traumatized by the last jerk, I don't know. I have the same job as her ex, but I think that is where our similarities end.
I find it hard to think of her only as a friend, but you are correct, it is the best policy.
Many of my friends are saying to move on, but there is something there between us and I have a feeling it is not completely one-sided.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 August 2008):
She's discovered that she's happy being single.
If you are wanting a long term commitment then she doesn't want to mess you about when she is happy just dating and going out and having fun.
She's let you know that she doesn't want marriage or a long term boyfriend, so you have 2 choices, you can either:
1. Move on and find a girl who's ready to settle down, move in, get married and have kids.
or
2. Keep seeing her but accept she is more interested in shopping and having fun than thinking about the future. Don't have any long term plans with her and just see where it goes.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, doe44  +, writes (23 August 2008):
Back off and be only a friend until you understand her.First make sure that she is not toying with you . Second make sure that she is not interested to someone else.
3rd. Make sure that she is not traumatized by the last jerk.
Stay calm and collected, keep control and wait. After getting used to you if you only look at an other girl she will die.
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