A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has a daughter from his previous marriage. I’ve been a very good girlfriend to be friendly with his daughter. I was told she likes me a lot and thinks I’m a cool person. The closer I am with her, the more things I learn about how she’s feeling. She told me she’s unhappy since her baby sister was born. Her mom isn’t paying as much attention as she used to. She said her daddy rather spends time with me instead of her. I guess I care too much about the little girl and my boyfriend’s feeling. I feel bad about being the bad person getting in between their relationship. I got to the point I don’t know how my relationship with my boyfriend can go on knowing since there’s nothing I can change about him having a daughter he has to care for the rest of his life. I was in tears about it and said something I really shouldn’t have. I said I don’t know what to do anymore and I wish he was just a normal guy. Maybe that upset him. He turned around and calmly said to me I should sit down and decide what I want. He was mad at the fact I keep saying stuff like I don’t know if our relationship would work. The fact he has a daughter will never change. His relationship with his daughter is separate to our relationship. All he asks of me is to be nice and polite to his daughter. He is trying his best to be a good father. He have bigger problem to deal with regarding his business and he doesn’t need me to create more problems for him. What upset me the most is when he told me the only 2 people that can decide for his daughter is him and his ex-wife. It’s not my business so I shouldn’t be stressed about how to be the girl’s mother. Maybe my boyfriend has his points. But can I really stay out of it all and just let my boyfriend deal with his daughter himself?
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (6 September 2007):
 She said: She said her daddy rather spends time with me instead of her.
Is this actually true, or is it the interpretations of a child about what she assumes an adult is thinking?
Are you feeling guilty, or were you already looking for an excuse to leave this relationship becuase you are not ready to be a step mom.
How much experience do you actually have with kids?
I think that if you have to question yourself at all, then put some distence between you and him ASAP. I do not think you are ready for a mature relationship with a man that has kids.
Your BF is right about one thing...it is not your place to have a say in his daughters life. You do not mention how long you have been together, but unless you are going to be her step mom, stay out of it.
-Frank B Kermit
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