A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Now where do I start? Just under a year ago while attending one of my classes at university I met the girl of my dreams. I mean she was smart, pretty, nice, and caring, she was literally everything I could ever ask for in a partner. On the day I told her what I wanted to become more than friends she dropped the news that she was already in a relationship with one of her childhood friends. She told me that it was a mistake to have been in that relationship and that she was just looking for comfort during her days of grief. She assured me that I was not like anyone else that she has ever met and that I was special. So I ended up giving her my trust which eventually bloomed into a wonderful relationshipSo during the school year we were madly in love with each other. I got to know her so much as a person and I opened things to her that I have never told anyone. I also got close to her family to the point that they considered me as one of their own. To ensure that our relationship would be a successful one we made promises such as solving our problems no matter what, and expressing what we feel at any time. As naive and foolish as this may sound, I feel that this girl is the one that I would spend my live with and so with our promises it guaranteed that we would be together forever. Though it may sound like a problem that she was already in a relationship while we were still pursuing each other, her parents and everyone close to her always commented that she had never fully loved someone the way that she did with me. I was convinced that our love was true and no matter what we will always be together.Eventually, summer started and we were dealing with 30km of distance from each other. I made sure that I would visit her when I can and we always skyped and msgd each other every night and just before we started our day. After a month and a half, we started arguing over petty things (which i admit that I started) but always apologized with each other and tried to understand where we were both coming from. Suddenly, after fighting about something that I dont even remember she told me that she does not believe that she should be in a relationship at this time as she needs a lot of growing up to do. She didnt like the fact that when we were fighting that she could not focus on anything else other than her sadness.I did what every confused 18 year old would do and begged her to stay with me and pleaded that I can change in time. I reminded her about our promises in which all she could say was "Im so sorry". She said that she will still love me no matter what and that she doesnt want to lose me. After literally crying my eyes out for a whole day I realized that I cannot change her mind and just agreed that it would be best to seperate to do some self growing and find inner happiness within ourselves.Its been 10 days since we talked to each other and I am just heartbroken. I feel so depressed and lost. My feelings range from being mad that she gave up on our relationship while I was willing to go through whatever happened to us. Im also so mad at myself and wish I can just go back in time just to not have instigated those fights through skype. I love this girl more than anything in the world. I always think about what she's doing and if she's ok at work. I gave this girl everything, I treated her liek no other and made sure I told her how important she was in my lifePlease help me I am soo lost, when im at work or with my friends all I can think about is her and when im all by myself all i can do is be depressed.Its been a roller coaster of emotions for me. At times I feel happy and remember that things happen for a reason. But I always find myself super depressed everytime I wake up in the morning knowing that I no longer have her in my life.Im just so mad, she promised that we would always work things out and such a petty fight ended up breaking us apart. I meant every promise i made and was intent on sticking with her no matter what happened. Thats the one thing I dont really understand...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): a few things to consider1) if you were the one who instigated all the fights, then you're the one who broke the promise to work on the relationship problems and solve them. Apologizing afterward doesn't mean you are working through the problems, if you then start it up all over again the next day. she didn't break the promise for ending the relationship, it's you who broke the promise for continuing to instigate the fights that led her to want to leave you.2) you may have meant it when you promised to stay in the relationship no matter what, but is it fair to expect that someone stay with you if you make them really upset all the time?? if you decide you'll stay with her no matter what, that's your choice. She has the right to choose if she wants to do the same for herself and stick with you no matter how upset you make her of how often. 3) it's natural to feel depressed after a break up, but you will feel better with time, don't worry.
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