A
male
age
30-35,
*oopypants
writes:dear cupid, i am in a very loving strong relationship with my girlfriend and have been for the last 9 months now. last night, she and i were invited to a friend of hers lake house for a small get together. we all got very drunk, I even threw up a little in the water but i was fine, sweet to her, helped her keep from falling over and over the best i could going back upshore to the house, etc. however, as the night went on, she seemed to get more hostile towards me or annoyed by my presence or something. right after i helped her up she and her girlfriends had some private girl chat time, which lasted forever, of which i didn't think much at the time other than how long it was taking. Later on, I tried to get her to come hang out and she seemed too drunk to stay on foot, so i took her to our bed (or attempted to do so) so that she would be safe and comfortable. instead of being thankful for my help and care, she grew more hostile, calling me an asshole and a dick for no reason i or anyone else for that matter could determine. eventually, i was able to get her to the bed but she started pushing me away with her hand/hands on my face somewhat violently, even when all i would try to do is kiss her cheek and join her in bed to sleep. then, the most disturbing part began for me. she began calling one of her girlfriends and saying she wanted to talk to her and not me and various other drunken things to that effect, continuing to push me away when i even tried to get near her physically. keep in mind the entire time i've been sobering up because i vomited earlier, and since vomiting i had been concentrating on treating my baby as sweetly as i could and caring for her. her friend arrives at the room and lays down with her (and me pushed to the edge of the tiny ass twin bed) to see what she wanted/wanted to talk aboutbefore this, my girlfriend had been repeating the phrase "i want martha" to call her friend, very drunkenly. when her friend arrived my baby reeled away from me, i tried to kiss her, she violently pushed away my head, and proceeded to climb atop her friend and make out with her intensly, completely ignoring me. we talked about it afterwards when she was more sober and she didn't even remember it and felt absolutely horrible, because she did hurt me. her friend left the room, sensing perhaps how all this was making me feel, and i tried to talk to her but she simply asked to see martha more and to pronounce drunkenly that she wanted martha and not me and that i was an asshole, furthermore for reasons I couldn't figure out.now all of this is in poor chronological order and its somewhat of a novel. ever since the incident my baby has felt terrible, told me she loves me and still wants to be with me forever, and now she's sleeping off a slight hangover. i still feel very strange about what happened last night and i can't seem to get the image of her pushing my face away from her and mounting and making out with her friend, and every time it replays in my head it causes me a significant amount of pain. how should I feel about this? is this type of behavior normal, with such unexplained hostility? my girlfriend isn't normally even a hostile drunk, though she has been known to get angry every now and then. please, any words of advice would help me here. i still love her very much and want to find some way to get past this; it should be alot easier for her since she can't even remember the whole thing. thank you, hurt and confused
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female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (17 June 2007):
Perhaps she was mad because, maybe...you talk to her like shes a child calling her baby non stop. And when she wanted you go GO AWAY, you kept shoving yourself in her face.
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (16 June 2007):
 i think this is an awful thing for someone to do to someone they love.just because she was drunk and couldnt rememeber doesnt mean it didnt matter.u need to sit her down and let her know how hurt and horrible this made u feel.if u dont she will just do it again without thinking its that serious.i also need to ask her how she really feels and if she need some time to think about u,her friend and herself.if she has issues which i think she might,she cant keep blaming them on booze and she needs to talk about them with someone who can help.i also agree with frank she may have some unresolved past issues of abuse or bad relationships that she still hasnt come to terms with.if u cant resolve this then u need to think seriously about whether this is really wat u want and need.because u may have to keep dealing with this until it is all sorted.good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2007): her friend wasn't the instigator, my gf was. in fact, her friend was helping explain to her that i wasn't being an asshole and was just trying to help her, and seemed to get out of the whole awkward situation rather quickly
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (16 June 2007):
 You have every right to be hurt and confused. Does your gf have any sexual abuse of the past my a male? Those feelings of resentment may have come to light while the booze made her drop her guard.
She sounds like she has ALOT of baggage.
Look, she may be bi, and I doubt this is the first time she has been with a woman. My guess is that she has issues that she needs to work out, and it may be best to walk away from this. I think that at some point she will do something similar again.
You got lucky that all she did was accuse you of being an asshole and such. In her state, she could have accused you of alot worse, and her friend (who obviously would LOVE to see the two of your break up) would have jumped onboard.
My guess is that her friend was hoping to rekindle their sexual relationship, and spent her night turning your gf against you while your gf was drunk, in the hopes of breaking you up, so that she can have her, for herself.
-Frank B Kermit
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