A
female
age
,
*tretchy
writes:I have a girlfriend of my brother who comes over to my house to see my boyfriend while I am at work only, My brother used to live with us but he moved away, He has since moved back and she is still coming around. I asked her months ago not to come around while I am at work, She is more than welcome when I am home. My other roomate says she has still been coming over. Oh yeah she is also married but having martial problems. My boyfriend is always willing to help anyone in need. He doesn't see anything wrong with her coming over , he says I am ujust being jealous. I don't think its respectful for her to come over while I am at work. I really need some advise, It's ruining our relationship.
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female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (9 October 2009):
 How close our close friends should be when we are in relationships?... It often depends on the relationship. Unfortunately, two people getting together to complain how unhappy they are in their relationships can lead to more than just talking. Are you happy with your partner? Maybe the whole matter is innocent enough. You can estimate based on what you know of your partner. I think you should bring this to his attention once again but more effectively. Yes, some people are most tempted to look outside their couple when they have internal problems, this isn't necessarily the case here though. So I will ask, what do you have to say about your boyfriend's integrity, as that is a key factor in this story. He may be very good dealing with people and advising about their life problems, but he should be expected to have his own problems and his own relationship and it is not nice of her to take advantage of a person's availability, if she is. So tell your boyfriend it is not a jealousy issue from your part, but a matter of what you consider appropriate and what not, and that you wish to participate to their chit chat, and maybe bring your own ideas to the table to help this friend. The problems discussed may be personal and intricate, but maybe in this case a counsellour could help more? In the meanwhile you would like to be able to be present most of the times when someone enters your home and you are sure you could even be the loveliest host, isn't he? Now, if they only see each other seldom, I don't think this should be made into a big deal. In any case, the integrity of the people involved is quite a factor in this mix. Each relationship has its own specific and customs, and if you like to be able to share your friends, that is not uncommon and to some will seem very natural, if it doesn't, to your partner, then maybe you should have another more open and clear discussion and understand the different views you have on the subject. The friend shouldn't have anything against you being there unless she has other intentions or you are perceived as unpleasant - in which case she should be realising by now she may be creating dissensions in your relationship and gracefully cut down on the contacts or back off or your partner should do something to compensate for this. I don't think you are being unfair or controlling here, you are not forbidding him to have friends or talk to them, but simply stating you like to share a good time, all of you, together, if possible, I don't see anything wrong in this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): Sounds like your boyfriend and this woman have no respect for you. If you tell someone not to come to your home when you're not there, they should respect your wishes. If you tell your boyfriend you are not comfortable with this woman visiting when you're not home, he should respect your wishes. Even if it is a case of you "just being jealous", he should care enough about you to not do anything that would make you jealous.
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend.
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