A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:K so here's the thing: I'm 18 and I've been going out with my girlfriend for about two and a half years. We started having sex a couple of weeks after we started dating and had it once every 2 or 3 days for a while, but now she never wants sex anymore and I have no idea why. She recently told me that she always felt uncomfortable with sex because she thinks that's all I want from her and said that she would want it more if she didn't feel like sex was always on my mind. The problem is that I never pressure her at all and never get upset when she rejects me anymore, and I always do the things that she wants to do like go out for dinner or watch a movie together, but she still never wants sex. It goes nowhere when I try to talk to her about it and the whole situation is starting to kill my self-esteem and make me feel like I am being taken for granted. I am so nice to her and do anything I can to make her happy, and she is happy but I'm not at all. We've had sex once in the past two months (both of our birthdays were in the past two months and we didn't have sex on either of them). This is really bothering me and the fact that all my friends have regular sex with their girlfriends isn't helping. I really do love this girl and I have so much fun with her, but she doesn't seem to care as much about my needs as I do about hers. I dont know what to do :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (31 May 2010):
 Red Boy - no disrespect meant, but "Too young to be having sex"? He is between 18 and 21, perfectly old enough to have sex, legally. "Sex is of no importance in a relationship", ok I don't think sex should be the most important thing in a relationship, BUT if sex is of NO importance, it changes the relationship to a friendship, rather than a SEXUAL girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. I think you are sadly mistaken if you believe sex is unimportant. Perhaps you are asexual? Nothing to be ashamed of, but please understand, sex IS important to the majority of adult human beings.
I'm not sure why your girlfriend has gone of sex in such a big way. Once in 2 MONTHS is just not on in my opinion. I couldn't handle that. Not if there isn't a legitimate reason for it, like illness, emotional problems.
She needs to open up to you about WHY she doesn't want sex with you. She has to understand that sex IS important to you in a sexual relationship. Try to explain this to her as kindly as you can. Explain that you love her and want to be with her, for her, BUT that you cannot sacrifice who YOU are and YOUR needs for the rest of your life. There needs to be a compromise. Tell her you love her and you are prepaired to do anything to make her happy and make this relationship work. Ask if she is happy with your sex life, with quality and quantity. Ask if there is anything you can do to help her feel more sexual towards you. If she refuses to respond to this and work with you on your joint sex life, you need to be clearer with the message, You will need to say, you need a sex life, its clear she has no interest in making you happy in your relationship, so if she cannot understand how important this is to you, you will have to leave her in search of someone who does, as much as you DO love her.
If this doesn't work, maybe you will have to realise she is not the girl for you. Don't fret. There ARE women out there who want a good, regular sex life. I am one of them.
A
male
reader, Red Boy +, writes (31 May 2010):
Well actually you are taking her for granted if all you can think about is sex. You proved right now you are way too young to be having sex just like the majority of teens. You started having sex really quick and now that's like all you think about. She's being a normal girlfriend. A girlfriend is suppose to want to spend time with you. Why does she need to have sex with you for that? you don't even seem like you really care that much about her at all. more like you love the idea of loving a girl but what you love is sex. I know I'm right because people who truly love each other don't complain about sex the way you are. Sex is of no importance in a relationship. Did you like your girlfriend because of the sex or because of her? once you answer that then you should be set and if not then you're just exactly what she said you are. A guy who just wants her for sex. Stop taking her for granted
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