A
male
age
41-50,
*yrone007
writes:Well here's my scenario... ive been with the girlfriend for six months, i went away on holiday for 2 weeks a month back. I called, i told her how much i missed her and that I couldn't wait to see her. We met up as soon as I got back and she was distant, I'd had a tough time on holiday and needed to feel loved and cared for. It wasn't forthcoming, i confronted her and we had a big arguement, only the 2nd one in six months, afterwards she said that she needed some space for a bit. Her grandfather is seriously ill and she has issues at work. I apologised loads, said sorry, said i'd change etc, the only thing that has changed is that she never calls or texts. She replies to everything i send to her. This is why im confused, she hasn't said its over, she hasn't said anything at all really, im trying to move on but cant get her ut of my head, i just want to be there for her. I have eased back and text or call every few days to let her have space, but we seem further apart than ever. Before i left we were great together, i could see it in her eyes and the way she was with me. We have been through a lot in a short space of time, with another death in her family. I want to do the right thing by her in this situation as she has a lot to deal with, the only difference beig that when the major incident took place last time she wanted me there, and this time she doesnt... im lost!
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male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (11 July 2009):
 Well unfortumately there are times when we must withdraw to our separate corners. It seems in this case that with what you said(she has a couple of deaths in her family in a short period of time, etc)that she in fact may really need some space. People grieve in different ways, and there is no set time frame anymore for a grieving period.
I would simply suggest you be the bigger person, as hard as it may seem, and simply leave her be for now. You have to understand that traumatic situations like death makes people reflect and take stock of where they are in life. It may be as simple as that. I would not push for any resolution anytime soon to this, for if you come off as needy or pressing the issue to her you may in fact drive her away completely.
After what you may feel a sufficient time has passed, invite her to dinner and simply voice your concerns then.
The waiting game can be long an arduous, but in this case I advise taking is slow as molassess
A
female
reader, Sarah in trouble +, writes (11 July 2009):
You went on holiday, which evidently didn't go well. On your return you wanted to be 'loved and cared for'. It seems that she's the one in need of love and care. You say it wasn't forthcoming, but were you offering it?
From what you say about her grandfather and problems at work, she feels emotionally unable to support you at this time and has reacted by backing off.
Try telling her that YOU are there for HER, listen to her, have you come across as needy rather than giving?
Ask her what she needs from you, she might not even be sure herself at this time.
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A
female
reader, josephy  +, writes (11 July 2009):
 I don't know why we prefer men to call first and start the things we are mad.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): I'm sorry to hear of the problems your having :( Do you think its possible something could have happened why you were away? Has she done some thinking? Or is she hiding something? The death of many a relationship is caused by lack of communication - I know she wants space, but what about you?
If she will talk, be patient, listen and take stock - it may be that you're doing something she doesn't like without meaning to or realising. It sounds like you've done everything right so far, don't get angry as it will only make her clam up even more.
Space won't sort the problem out - if she doesn't think there is a problem then maybe you need to re - evaluate your position within the relationship and call it a day. I know she's going through a tough time, but it doesn't mean that she doesn't have to put ANY effort into your relationship.
Decide what you want and if you don't see any chance of you getting it from this relationship, move onto someone who will give you what you need and deserve.
Good luck.x
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (11 July 2009):
 she probably hasnt called or text becoz she has alot going on in her life at the moment.
have u tried talking to her?
have u asked why she doesnt initiate the texts first?
it can help u both if u open up with each other at this tough time and share your feelings otherwise u wont know what each other is feeling.
you wont know whats goin on until u both have a heart to heart.
she sounds like she needs a lot of TLC so be kind to her.
good luck!
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