A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My wife made me destroy all the pictures I had of all former women, just friends also. Recently I just found pictures of some of her old boyfriends also (one of whom she has his name and hers tattooed on her leg)when we were going through some old boxes. me thinking logically and fairly asked her to get rid of them. She had no intentions of doing so. Am I the only one who thinks that is not fair at all? I understand what memories are and she made me get rid of all of mine, but she can't do the same for me? Why?
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male
reader, Saleem  +, writes (11 August 2008):
i think if she thinks that you should move on from the past and destroy certain things (whether its right or wrong to do so) and you respected that and did it then she should respect you and do the same..it is totally unfair for her to ask you to do that and she herself wont do the same..
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (10 August 2008):
 I wouldn't have married her if she was like that.
In my view, no one, absolutely no one, has any right to make you destroy any part of your past - even if you have moved on from it. And, similarly, you have no right to demand that she gets rid of hers.
Our pasts are what makes as what we are; the mistakes as well as the good times. People, those we have had an unsucessful relationship with as well as those we haven't, are all part of that past and should be remembered.
Pictures, letters, gifts, should all be kept and treasured - not because of the person involved but because they are all part of you just as hers are all part of her.
It's too late for your pictures, but you need to be alert. People who control to that extent, who take away your past, are taking part of you and may well go on chipping away until there is nothing left of the real you. I know that most of these controllers in a relationship are men, but there are women who are like that too. You need to be strong, firm, and to set the boundaries.
The strength of being married is the combination of two people, two characters, two souls with all their differences and all they have experienced and learned - not the absorption and destruction of one by the other or, for that matter, the exclusion of anything you don't happen to have in common.
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