A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I met this girl a while ago, we swiftly hit it off and became friends. Knowing this girl was in a relationship, I didn't push for anything more. After a while we became best friends simply spending each evening talking, it had been a while since I had been in a good friendship like this, but problems started to arise when I discovered I had feelings for her after I started to feel jealous of her boyfriend. Anyway, I dont think I was very subtle about it, because she soon picked up on it. Btw her boyfriend isn't a bad person, he's generally good and kind to her, he can be a bit neglectful on the odd occassion, but they have been going for 4 years and I suppose thats par for the course.So we where talking every evening for about 4+ hours at this point and she confronted me on my feelings. I admitted how I felt, but didn't want to get in the way of her happiness and was content to stay just friends. Things seemed to go back to normal for a while. Any way after a long night conversation, the topic was brought up again, but this time she admitted it wasn't entirely one sided, and that I was supportive and there for a her in a way her boyfriend wasn't. Anyway at this point neither of us really knew what to do, so we decided she needed to go away for a bit and decide what she wanted before we did anything brash. About a week later she had made up her mind, she had a relatively strong relationship and didn't think it fair to give up on it so easily, which I respected and we decided to remain friends.The problem is, for her everything went back to normal in a couple of days or at least that's the face she put on, things for me on the other hand have been incredibly hard, I have a some other crap going on atm.But I feel she still expects me to be there and be as supportive and positive as I was before. But this has really upset me, i've tried to put on a brave face and soldier on, but i've started drinking more heavily and hiding away from her and i'm even hesitant to log onto facebook because she might message me. I cant help but feel a little bitter about this whole experience. I've started to feel like i'm nothing more than a support for her current relationship to fill in where he lacks.What should I do, should I soldier on or walk away or is there another option?
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (1 March 2011):
You have to move on, that's pretty obvious. Staying with her will hurt you, and you will end up hurting her. So there is no real profit from that friendship.If you walk away you will save yourself from a certain pain. She will miss you in the beginning but she will get over it. And you will be saving her from a certain pain too.If something burns you, you snap your hand away fast as possible as a reflex. You don't have a reflex for getting away from her as she will hurt you. So do it rationally.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): Just walk away. Shes already in a serious relationship. It seems that she is just using you as a support post. Sounds like attention to me man. Just walk away and save yourself the pain. You dont need that. You sound like a decent guy, but you just fell for the wrong person.
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A
male
reader, Advice_man  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 You say it on your last sentence and I totally agree with you:"I've started to feel like i'm nothing more than a support for her current relationship to fill in where he lacks.". That's exactly what you are to her, be sure for that. Women can be very snicky manipulators when they have something important to gain. She has no feelings for you, you are just her backup shoulder-to-cry-man. What you should do? First of all spare the i-just-want-her-to-be-happy crap. Watch out to protect yourself otherwise I guarantee you will end up very hurt by this girl. Cut any contact immediately! It's hard, i know and when you do you will often wonder if you are doing the right thing...it's a trap, don't fall into that. Just move on, walk away and look only forward, focus on your path. Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (28 February 2011):
 She seems to have made her decision very clear and being her friend i think you need to accept her and be happy that he treats her well. It would be a different matter if he abused her or something but he sounds like a good guy. As a friend i think you should support her, soldier on. There are plenty more girls out there that would be happy for a nice guy like you!
Good luck =)
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