A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love my girlfriend for the past 2 and a half years more than i ever thought possible. In the beginning we would talk all night and realized how much our lives had been the same. I told her the worst things about me and completely trusted her. Over the past few years i am constantly finding out so much information about her and she has completely lied to me about how her life really was. She was engaged, then planned on marrying and moving in with another guy right away and then she met me. I have caught her lying so many times and we get in huge fights and she cry's looks in my eye's and promises to never lie to me again. She also says I love you to all her boyfriends and talks about having kids with them. I don't trust her because she has lied so much and everything points to her trying to get her ex back in the beginning. I would just like to know, if somebody truly loves you would they lie to you all the time. Also, do you think it is fair to tell the one you love explicit sexual details of all their lovers? I was under the impression that she had the worst life ever and hadn't had many boyfriends. She's never been without a guy in her life.
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engaged, her ex, her past, I love you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (10 April 2007):
 Hi
I am sorry you are in one of the worst relationship ever, I have been where you are right now but with a man of course I am sure several people who had been unlucky with love can easily relate to your situation and they will all agree with me when I say forget her because her behaviour has turned out to be a circle its unbreakable unless she tells herself she wants to break it.
In her own meaning yes she does love you but inlove with u? we can’t be sure as you say she tells that to all her boyfriends. Anyway amongst others this is one person you will never change no matter how much you love her. Change has to start with her she has a lot to sort out, maybe one of her failed past relationships is the cause, maybe her family background is, there might be a lot of scenarios that might have triggered her unstable behaviour if its possible advice her to see a counselor if she is not keen you might have to leave her and find someone who is worthy of your love and trust otherwise you will just be staying for more heartache.
Jovial
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): You mean she has lied about her sexual experience before she met you.
You make it sound like she lied to you to hurt you. Actually I would guess she lied to you because she didn't want to hurt you. When you are arguing and she is looking in to your eyes and crying she does so because you are breaking her heart by accusing her and making her feel like she is some sort of lying slut.
You come across as being quite insecure about her sexual past and you need to learn that it is YOUR problem and not hers.
You say you love this girl then look in to her eyes with compassion and love. You've had two and a half years together, surely that must count for something rather than what she did before she met you?
It sounds like she loves you and doesn't want to be with anyone else. I feel if you don't accept this fact and continue to accuse her in this way she will eventually no longer be in love with you and you will loose her. I guess you have to decide whether or not that is what you ultimately want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): I would say, if somebody truly loves you they would not lie to you. Especially not all the time. I your age and I experienced it very much different to you. I'm with my boyfriend for 2 and a half year and I told him about my past on the very first day, we became girfriend and boyfriend, and so did he. We know everything about each other pasts. So we could decide at the very first day, if we can manage to live with the others past or if it would be better to keep seperat. We decided to forgive each other and all this keeps us very much grounded and we really can trust each other. But still if you don't tell each other at the beginning you can make it up now. That would meen that you invite her for dinner and would talk about all this to her. You could explain to her how much she meens to you and how important it is to you to know about her past. Explain to her that knowing about her past would be important to get closer to her. It would be easier to trust her and also it would bringing you forward in your relationship. You should explain all this things to her as easeful as possible. Than you ask her, what she thinks about that and if there is something she would like to tell you. Tell her that you told her the worst things about you and completely trusted her and how much confounded you when you found out her past. Than she would have to say sorry to you and really show, that she would never lay to you again. She really has to make sure that you can trust her in future, not only say sorry!
If she would carry on lying to you, for you it would be better to close this friendship. Because if you can't trust her, how will you have a close relationship? And how do you know what she is doing right now? In this case it would only brake you, if you don't brake the friendship.
But there is still hope for you two. Talk to her and see what happens.
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