A
male
age
30-35,
*zfreedom
writes:Well to start things off, im 19 and my recent ex is 17. I have been in college for one year, and she recently ggraduated from high school. We are young. We decided to get an apartment together as i transfered schools, to be closer to her and my family. Things were going great for a while, but she is one of those people who are always getting on to me about cleanliness, having other friends, and making sure that accidents can not happen. Well, i broke up with her 2 weeks ago on a Friday, and she took it pretty well at first, but later in the night, she bagan to cry to me, telling me she could change. I have given her many chances before, and i told her that i was feeling confused, but the arguing rose. I went home to see my mother for the evening, and when i got back to my apartment, she had 2 guys and one of her girlfriends there. she was snuggled up next to him. Even though it was may apartment (because i pay the rent) i decided to keep my cool and show some respect, and not kick them out. i went to sleep and when i awoke, they were all still here, and they were still sitting next to each other. when everybody left, i just saw red. I told her that she had to leave and go home. (she lived only 20 minutes away.) she left and then after the weekend, she came back. i told her that she had to move out and she agreed, but i couldn't just throw her out in the streets, so im letting her stay here. The days went by, and she constantly told me that she wanted to get back with me, and that she loved me very much. I still love her with all my heart and i was beginning to realize that i made a mistake. Then everything turned around. She loves to go shopping, and the other day, she was getting ready in the bathroom, saying she was gonna go shopping. I wanted to go with her, but she said she wanted to go by herself. I began to grow curious, although she has the right to do anything she wants, it still hurt knowing that she might nit actually go shopping. she stayed out all night and i began to get worried, so i called her multiple times and when she finally picked up, she got really mad, telling me that i need to quit being annoying and leave her alone. the next morning, i sat with her and asked her to tell me if she was with that guy, she looked into my eyes and said that she hasnt seen him since they were at my apartment. The next day she took a shower and left her cell phone on the couch. I know it was wrong of me to do, but i went through her phone. I saw messages from the guy (the one who was at my apartment with her) saying that he was on his way and that they were going to meet at the mall, and go out for a movie and dinner. I confronted her about it, and of course, she was upset that i went through her phone, and i asked her very nicely to tell me what was going on with him. then it happened, i broke into tears, begging her to tell me. she told me that she met up with him and they went out of town and ate dinner at a fancy resteraunt. I also saw messages of her saying " mmmmmm:) about a week ago we were pulled up next to a gas station" and "you were amazing". and that killed me, after begging for hours, she told me that all they did was make out in his truck, parked at a gas station. I have been hurting all night and all day. I cant stop crying. The reason im so upset is because the whole week, every night, she asks if we could cuddle together, because she found a new place and she is moving out soon, saying that we should make the best of it. She tells me that she wants to be together and that she misses me and she loves me. and like i wrote earlier, i began to feel like i made a big mistake. She looked into my eyes and lied to me. The thing is, i have not done anything since the break up, its hard because i just moved to a new college campus and i dont know anybody yet. I have no one to talk to, no one to cry with, and no one to give me advice. I know that when i hook up with someone, or when i begin to start doing other things again, it will hurt her miserably, and i dont want to do that to her. I still love her with all my heart, and i want to get back with her, but i dont know if i should or not. She tells me she loves me and she doesnt want to be with anyone alse, and she goes out and does this stuff. I know im the one who broke up with her, but i had no idea that it would be this hard. I know all this sounds pathetic of me, but she is my first love and i know we are young and naive, but i litterally cant laugh, cry, smile, eat, workout, or go to class. all i need is advice from a few to help guide me. thank you
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female
reader, toomuch stress +, writes (29 September 2010):
 First off, I realize you say you want to get back with her but I honestly think that is not the best idea. As a girl who has done what she is doing, I am telling you she is playing games with you. Snuggling and trying to get back with you while she is there, and then going out with this guy and showing no remorse for it. She doesn't care if you know! She's using you. I would tell you that you need to get rid of her, but I know you won't because I have been there. Everyone has. We hold on to people even if we know we shouldn't because we feel it hurts worse to not have them. What you really need to do is to tell her you need a break from her. If you guys are currently living together and she has another place to go, tell her to. Be firm and stand your ground. Let her know you still care about her but you need time to think about things and if she wants to continue anything with you she needs to give you that space. During this time with yourself: turn your phone off, try to take your mind off of her. Try making new friends there, or go home for a visit. Be around people and keep busy. This space will give you the time and distance you need to realize for yourself is she's really what you need. Don't be with her just because you don't have anything else to do because you will realize without her you will make new friends who will treat you better.
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