A
male
age
30-35,
*oolkid
writes:ok im 17 iv been dating my gf for about a year,just today she told me something she had kept from me this whole time,it was that she played strip poker and whent skinny dipping one time a couple yrs ago (shes 16) with her friend and a guy,this ticks me off because i asked her if she was hiding anything from me and of course she lied,so wth do i do??? i have no reason to trust her,for all i know she could have done other stuff....please give me your best answers Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): This is not about whether her sexual acts were a big deal or when they were done.
This is about trust. She is not trustworthy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): This happened before you were with her yes?
Get over it. You will drive her away. My bf and i have had major problems because he cant deal with the fact that i was with guys and did stuff BEFORE i met him.
Its very frustrating because it has nothing to do with him, like this has nothing to do with you.
Focus on what you have since you have been with her and move forwards, not backwards.
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A
male
reader, JustinNki +, writes (24 December 2010):
 you guys are so young. getting upset about this in a juvinile relationship is not worth it.
and i mean , she DID end up telling you man, so she kept it for a while but she did indeed tell you the truth.
girls do crazy s**t bro, atleast your with her now and she has a reason not to do crazy stuff like strip poker.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (24 December 2010):
People often lie to cover things up they aren't comfortable telling the other person, and obviously she was right in doing so! I'm sure when it happened, she thought she'd just let it be covered in the past; it was something that happened once and wasn't that big of a deal. She probably thought you'd react like you have which, in my opinion, is an overreaction.
I'm sure there are things you've said to her earlier in your relationship that weren't 100% true, whether it was to impress her, appear innocent, or hide something. We all do it. She came clean and its now your obligation to forgive. If you don't, it will slowly wear your relationship down to the bone.
Try not to hold petty grudges! Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): If your business partner is a liar then you would be stupid to trust them.
But if you only discover evidence that they have been lying about their PAST dealings with other people, BEFORE you met them . . . then you would still be stupid to trust them.
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A
female
reader, Worrywart  +, writes (24 December 2010):
 I'm sorry if you find this harsh,but what does any of this have to do with you?If she had been a prostitute or drug-dealer,had a secret child,then these are the sort of important things to be told to a new partner,at the beginning of a relationship,as well as sexual health history,but being a typical teenager,experimenting with her sexuality&probably experiencing some peer pressure,taking clothes off is really NOT a big deal.Maybe she didn't think it was important,maybe she was embarrassed or maybe due to you asking her if she'd been hiding things from you(what made you ask this?What sort of things did you expect to hear?)as she knew you wouldn't approve.What is it you are looking for in a girlfriend?Are you strictly religous&looking for a virgin bride or do you just want somebody who just doesn't have any past?If you think so badly of her,don't continue to punish her or yourself.Let go of the relationship.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (24 December 2010):
when you look at the bigger picture, this isn't really a big deal. She played strip poker once and went skinny dipping - lots of young people do these things. It's hardly crime of the century.
If it was something more like there had been another boy before you or she still keeps in touch with an ex or you thought she was a virgin before she went with you etc, then there would be more of a reason to get het up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): ~WHY SURELY YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?!~Big deal!...that has absolutely nothing to do with you and her....that's her past!...and nothing's horribly wrong with what she did.If you cannot accept finding things out about her past unexpectedly ((and who know some real really fucked up shit might surface))...then it would be in the best interest of the two of you if you would promptly get to uh stepping down the yellow brick road.I am not being rude, just real.It is trivial concerns such as this that create unnecessary conflict in and the resultant deterioration of love.Gosh...Jimmy Dean's Crickets!!!~CHILL~
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