A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this girl on and off for about 4 months. It has been really a weird relationship as she has a very troubled past. We would go out and have fun the 1st few months but all her contacts with me revolved around when and where we were going out. It seemed for a very long time, I was that person that she "used" to take her out. When we would go out, she would hold my hand, sneak in brief kisses but it never got any further. Even when we would go home, she would just fall asleep without acknowledging my sexual desires for her. While sex usually happened naturally in my prior relationships, I found myself asking for it the 1st time in my life. She turned me down several times citing that she has yet to be comfortable with me, or that she is afraid that I would leave her after the deed like many guys did before...A few weeks later, after repeated casual arguments and for her refusal to commit to a relationship, I left her. She waited 10 days and called me and asked if I wanted to hang out. I let my guards down and agreed to go out with her and that night was the 1st night we had sex. i honestly felt it was pity sex and she had sex with me so she can keep me close and so I wouldn't walk out on her again.Anyways, we kept going out and got closer although she never committed to a "relationship". It felt like while she enjoyed being around me and didn't wanna lose me, she wanted to keep her options open.It also must be noted that I am totally different (in both looks and personality) from the guys she has been with. I was probably the 1st guy she's ever been with that had a stable life. She also referred to me as "pretty boy"!We started having sex more often (about twice a week) and her desires for me in bed kept getting better (the first few times were absolutely terrible from her end).Last week, since she doesn't drive, she asked to borrow my car. She knows how much I cared about the car and that I would never let anyone borrow it but she insisted. I knew she had several matters to resolve that day including meetings with her lawyer, doctor and Christmas shopping and I was working all day so I couldn't drive her around. I kept saying that I still don't trust her and she assured me that no one would ride with her and that she would strictly drive it for the aforementioned reasons and would drop it off as soon as I come home. So I reluctantly relented.She borrowed the car and pretty much texted me every hour to comfort me that she was fine.However, an hour before she was supposed to drop it off in the evening, she called me to say that she was exhausted and that she would drop off the car in the morning. It was very suspicious but in case she wasn't lying, I sure didn't want her driving tired and in the dark considering she isn't an experienced driver.My suspicions took the best of me and I had a friend drive me by her house a couple of miles away. My fears came true as my car wasn't there. I immediately called her and asked her where she was and she, again, assured me that she was sleeping in her bed.Knowing that she lied to me, my primary goal was to get the car back. My friend advised me not to start any commotion and just wait it out till the morning.She dropped off the car in the morning and I again asked her where she spent the night. She again reaffirmed that she was at her house and she firmly stood by that stance. I didn't say a word to her, dropped her off, she said "call me later" to which I said "don't hold your breath". I texted her later to tell her that she was scum to borrow my car to spend the night at some dude's house (which is what I suspected). She maintained her stance that the car was parked on the driveway (which is a total lie) (I also noticed she had pajamas stuffed in a bag in the morning).To top it all off, she left a makeup bag in the backseat (which to me signaled a night of partying) and was frantically texting to get it back. I never responded to her texts and called her mom to let her know that I would be dropping it off in 2 days. She texted me again to say that she is "tired of my insecure azz" and that she wasn't at some dude's house!She couldn't wait for me to drop off her bag and had her mom drive her to my house to get it, which also served as an opportunity to give me my Christmas present. We didn't talk at all and she probably wondered why she wasn't getting the presents she knew I bought her (and which I promptly returned).While I told myself not to respond to her texts or calls (I honeslty feel hate for her right now and feel betrayed and duped), I responded to her "Merry Christmas" text but I am sure, knowing her, there will be several more texts to try to reel me back in. How should I respond to these texts knowing that I have strong feelings for her? Should I respond and be short? should I agree to go out with her again to only be let down a couple of weeks later? should I totally ignore her? Thanks and sorry this was so long!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): Ok, I must admit, her being at some guy's house was just an assumption and may not have happened. But the fact of the matter is she lied and if she had any respect for me and our relationship, she would come forward, apologize and tell me everything, which she has yet to do.
Knowing her, she will never admit she was wrong and she will call or text in a few days asking me out like nothing happened. I will probably either totally ignore her and "swallow" my hurt or respectfully decline her advances.
Am I being reasonable by expecting her to make the first step and apologize? Or am I just overreacting?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): well the fact that she wasnt at home does not mean that she was out with a dude, she may just have been doing something youy may notbe comfortable with so she doesnt wana tell you, but if you feel really upset or angry about it then maybe you should confront her and tell her that you cant trust her until she tells you the reason your car wasnt on the driveway that night and ask for a reasonable answer
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