A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been dating a girl for nearly a year, I'm on holiday in the UK and we both know that I was going back to Aus in the end, I have been completely honest from the start about all that. I leave in 6 weeks, and she just told me she is pregnant and keeping the baby, i'm not in love and i don't know what to do, Help?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): SHe is about 7 weeks Preg now. We are still together but it is stressed and i don't know what to do. I don't think i could be happy with her forever and she keeps pressuring me and telling me that i should do the right thing and give up uni for a few years to stay and have the baby. I am very homesick and don't want to wait any longer for uni, I'll be 30 by the time i graduate already and i don't feel i can cope with the responsibilty and financial repercussions of supporting 3 other people. Being half a world away is the main problem, if it weren't for that then i'm sure we could work something out. I'm happy to stay friends, put my name on the birth certificate and keep in regular contact with them, but she says that its not enough and that i'm being a coward for considering it, despite the fact that she originally suggested that option. I get the feeling that whatever i do it will never be enough, which has been the biggest problem we have had throughout this whole relationship. I really just don't know. Thanks
A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (23 July 2009):
 Ok, you have had your lectures and now you have to live with the consequence but I do feel that you will have to sort this out with her before you leave.
How are things between you now and how many months pregnant is she?
She has a son and is not a teenager so she is equipped to be a mum and she has choosen to have the baby and to bring it up on her own so you need to do as much as you can to remain a part of the childs life, keep in regular contact, have your name on the birth certificate, tell your family and get a webcam so you can see your child when its born.
Study and study hard, save up and one day you wont be a poor student and can send regular money for your child.
Children dont choose who there parents are and you cannot change the past but you can be a dad to be proud of and you can influence the future for you and your child.
Just because you are not with the mum does not mean you cannot be a part of your childs future.
Work it out with girlfriend and lay some ground rules, send money when you can and make sure you and your folks are a part of the childs life.
Make it happen!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): She had an IUD present and we used protection, it was just really really unlucky and completely accidental. I am going back to study as I am in no fit finacial state to support anyone, let-alone with child, and i want to make a future for myself. She is 30, and already has a son of 10yrs, and i am only 24, i do want kids but am not ready for them yet. I feel scared and horrible.
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A
male
reader, S-Breeze13  +, writes (22 July 2009):
If you are not in love, then why would you be having unprotected sex with her and why would you be dating her for a year? Well your crazy actions resulted in a baby and you are responsible for it. Be there for it. This does not mean that you have to be with the mother if you don't want to be.
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A
female
reader, loves_giraffes +, writes (22 July 2009):
well you need to support that baby no matter what. and you have been dating her for a year and your not in love that is a long waste of time sorry to say. but i hope you the best of luck and move on but still try and make things work
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (22 July 2009):
Im assuming this was an accidental pregnancy?
Why did you not use contraception, even if she says she is on the pil, that is not foolproof and if she got ill she may be not covered by the pill.
You had sex with her knowing it was a short term relationship with no future yet you still had unprotected sex (I mean without a condom)
If you did have a condom on and it burst, should you not have gone with her to doctor for morning after pill.
Sex is the responsibility of both parties and now a child will be born with only one parent that wants, loves and cares for it, when taking precautions and being responsible would have prevented this.
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (22 July 2009):
 Well regardless of whether or not she knew it was a "short term relationship" or not, YOU obviously didn't take the "precautions" to not impregnate her, you are both at fault!
First, you need to make sure that she is absolutely pregnant, go to the doctor with her, buy a pregnancy test for her & look at it for yourself. Please make sure! Because sometimes women (not all of them) will say that to get you to stay with them. Hopefully that's not what shes doing.
Second, if she is...then you have no choice but to take care of the child. That is your responsibility, and it doesn't matter if you go back to Aus. You can still care for the child (and you don't have to be in love with or stay with the mother to do that), even though it will be hard considering your distance.
Hopefully this helps you a little.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): hi there, well the best advice i can give you is to just be honest with her and tell her how you feel in the nicest way. if she knew it was going to be a short-term relationship, i don't know how the two of you could have let this happen, but i think that the two of you should probably talk to someone about it, anyone as long as you can get different ideas on how you can handle this situation. i hoped this worked and good luck !!!
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