A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:April 24 after a 3 1/2 years relationship I was told "leave". End of story, have had no ability to contact in any way. I go between depression so deep I'm suicidal then I go to anger. I will flesh out the problem. Met this person and it was love at first sight for both. Madly deeply in love for both. She has 2 sons who are now both in their 20's who are mentally challenged. And I was just leaving a 17 year marriage that was 2 people just there to raise child and when that was done so was the marriage. I made a vow to myself I am good and need nothing more in relationships. That's when love at first sight kicked in. Did not want it, plan it, nothing. Tried to break it off, she insisted all could work out.We moved in together and I was the only one working. She did a Mary Kay thing but no real money to speak from it but I wanted her there to take care of the boys needs to.Are far as relationship even up to the Just Leave Part" was kisses and hugs when we got up, a kiss when one of us left, or call home. Holding hands when we passed each other in the home. We sat side by side when we ate and both would have to set down our forks from time to time to just hold hands for a second. Making love was good every-time. Text messages everyday when apart 10 to 30 times. Did we have arguments, yes, but never a hey if this happens again its over kind. No physical violence, nothing. There was a lot of stress on me money wise and I was a monster sometimes. But I also confronted the issue with her asking for her help to get through that. I never ate lunch, ever to save money. I never bought soda's. To get married quicker I passe up a fight on a 250,000.00 business sale in my marriage with the agreement they would pay for the divorce when the assets were out of my name and it was cheaper to get divorced. I neglected my credit rating to give all my money to the family.I even wore the same pants and shirt to a sales job everyday with the button sewn on the pants 4-5 times to save money for the family.Not one repair was made on my truck in 4 years, including no oil changes to save money. Her car was fixed immediately so I did not worry about her and the boys. She had better cloths for her "job' then I including I had only 1 pair of shoes for home and work in the 4 year span.The week before we had talked about our wedding. I had had a good month and could afford to pay for it myself and I knew I could also catch up being behind on all the bills, give a deposit for a short honeymoon and a family weekend vacation. The biggest problem I gave her was all the family get together s. The first year and a half I was ostracized at them and it left a taste in my mouth so whenever they were coming up I had anxiety and it did cause friction. I explained this to her as well and asked for her understanding. So that day , I got and Easter card with her saying she wants to be my wife, that afternoon I was in a minor argument caused by anxiety and told to just leave. I had no where to go, it was 5 days before the good payday, no family. I left she stayed at her mothers, shes 47, and I tried to get answers by texting, calling and was told to stop. The day before payday I slept in my vehicle, and in dirty cloths went to work, I did not really sleep, and by evening I knew the following day I had to decide on new apartment or pay bills.I tried to contact her with all means, nothing. Called the police and complained of harassment which now I have a court date on. She said through her daughter she made arrangements and her family was going to help her with her bills. they were not any help when i was struggling before and now they are here in the beginning helping.She explained to them I was a monster, 2 that speak to me told me they have never heard her complain before. i have all the text message up to that day and never is there one of disappointment, hurt or anger. Everyday its hugs and kisses to each other.Just leave, nothing again and I am here alone and lost. Help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank everyone for their suggestions. It does help. Got to sleep. I know got to move on but so angry at me for missing things and her for just dumping my trust and confidence. Four weeks ago you could not have said I would be posting, here but I see now many have their owns to. Thank you everyone very much.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): Hey Brother,
Story is so common. you are not the only good guy dumped suddenly. This happens. About the sacrifices, in general Men are programmed fool to earn and do sacrifices for family. About she shopping and you not, it is universal phenomena, you can not help it. wife, girlfriend or in any other relationship, it is 90 % of the cases.
So brother, Move on.. Neither you can change yourself and nor her. Best is to move on. Learn the lessons. Find another partner who is more love-worthy, less exploiting, who is with you for yourself. ( slightly difficult ) but try to devote some time some where else.
She is gone. Even if she come back, she is not worth your hate or your love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe monster part is part of the shield. It pulled everything between her and her telling me to my face what the problem is. And as far as her not asking for the money, that's not the point. If someone comes into your life and sacrifices their well being for yours. Their is some closure owed. Some.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 May 2011):
 I see you made a lot of sacrifices to be with this women and I can understand your anger at the outcome. But here is the deal.You can't make someone love you and want to be with you. It does seem odd that she did a 180 on you and don't even offer an explanation. Something happened for her to go from wanting a marriage to her calling you a monster.. And you had no idea?
However, YOU made choices about your financial situation, she didn't tell you to give up the $250,000 settlement/split - she didn't tell you to neglect yourself and your truck. So I wouldn't "blame" her for that.
I strongly suggest you keep the NO CONTACT and move on.
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