A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife of a decade years used to be extremely tight. I could barely push in to her. We have not had any kids and yet now when we have sex she feels very loose. There is almost no friction. It's hard to even get off sometimes because (pardon me for saying this) it feels like having sex with a plastic bag. She used to grip me tight and even when she did not I felt like I was in a "tunnel." Now it feels like I am in a (I know this sounds bad) bag of chicken livers. Given that she hasn't had children I do not understand this change. Should I mention this at all? If so, how can I put it delicately? I am not sure she even realizes the enormous difference. She has gained some weight since I first met her. Does that matter? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): I don't think the weight has a lot to do with it, but exercising those kegel muscles does....If she is up for different positions that might help a whole lot and you can find what creates the most friction. I know I am not as tight as I used to be....45 and two college kids, and dealing with ED as well, but we have sex every single day, and really good sex on most of them.Missionary does nothing for either of us after a few minutes, but when I am on my back and legs just about over my head and he pushes down on my legs, that seems to almost compress me for lack of better description...we both feel it. On my stomach, legs down, him straddling me is also good, as well as me on my side, him behind and he pushes the leg that's on top down holding onto my thigh. And then there's anal...took a long time to learn how to do this, but I can honestly say, it was worth it, because not only does he like it, I actually do too. It's a lot of prep work for me before hand, so it's not all the time. Any of these could be better or won't do anything for the two of you...but it will be fun to try them out and find out, right?I would talk to her though.. and yes, it is a delicate subject...however it's very common, very normal as women age, just as ED surfaces for men as they age....she should have a discussion with her doctor because there is something she can do about it. You don't want her to feel like there is something wrong with her, but more about what the two of you can do to enhance your sex life and make it more pleasurable for both of you. Good luck.
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (1 December 2011):
Its all to do with muscles, and how you broach this topic will be an exercise in diplomacy! Maybe you need to exercise together, go to a gym, the regained physique will make different positions more fun. There are a few key exersises that help, have a google. I know your problem, an old girlfriend went so lose I was sometime not sure if I was even inside! (and I'm a good average too :) !!)
Its important she enjoys herself too, you can't expect her to work on this if there is no reward for her.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Down south the saying goes."there's the big old good ones and then there's the good od big ones!" I can't personally imagine a complaint that goes along with coitus of any kind.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): OP here.
What position worked better, bernard?
I know she can do exercises, but she won't do them unless I can tell her there is an issue. I realize that it's going to be touchy. There is somewhat of a double standard in that when a man has erectile problems the woman knows about it and some women even get put out about it. She doesn't have to say anything, though, because it is so obviously visible. However, when a woman becomes loose it is like a taboo subject.
It did not happen overnight, but it did happen rather suddenly. I would say over a few years. Is this just a natural consequence of aging or a statement of her fitness? She used to exercise a lot, many times per week, and now she only does so once a week or even every other week. If she loses weight and works out more again will that affect how tight she is? Ladies, do you have an idea of how tight you are? That is, do you think she is aware of it herself?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Could there be a chance that she is pregnant? I guess the only way to tighten these muscles is to do some kegel exercises. Am not sure that there is a nice way to talk to her about this though without hurting her feelings, so I guess it is up to you is it really that important to you for you to hurt her feelings.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): I don't know how you can put it delicately, because honestly if my man said anything to me like that, I would tell him simply that he wouldn;t have to worry about it anymore, because he wouldn't be getting near it anyway. You have been married for a decade, the more you push into it, the more it stretches and as time progresses, the looser a woman becomes. I find it absolutely disgusting as the way you have described your wife's anatomy, in time things change. Be thankful you have a loving wife. She can do pelvic floor excercises, you could suggest them, but honestly I think you should just keep it to yourself if you don;t want your wife to be uncomfortable with you, and self-conscious about her body. Good Luck.
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