A
male
age
30-35,
*ollingorange12
writes:I have recently engaged in a new relationship with a wonderful girl. She is 17, a senior in High school and I am currently a sophomore in College. The age difference really doesn't affect us that much. My problem is that this girl never seems to have time for me. She is very mature for her age and has her priorities straight (doesn't drink, smoke, etc.). We have been dating since right before Christmas, and I still have yet to go on a date with her. I have asked countless times to do something with her, and she is almost always occupied with something else (doing laundry, chores, studying, homework, working, spending time with other friends, etc.). The only time I ever see this girl is when we are both at work (we work together, and she works another separate job as well). I highly doubt this girl is trying to avoid me, because I know she has pretty strong feelings for me (based on the way she has acted around me and what her friends tell me). I really want to just give up on asking her to do anything with me anymore, because it seems to be a waste of my time. It seems the only time I ever get to see her is if all of her friends want her to hang out with them (her friends are also my friends), which is cool with me, but I really want to spend time with just her and I. She is really naive and sort of shy, and has not really had a previous relationship, which is also the same situation I am in. I have a feeling that she just does not know how relationships work, and I need to show her the ropes a little bit, but if she never has time I don't know how to without nagging her constantly and becoming clingy. I really do not want to end things between us...I have been single for nineteen years and can assure there are very few girls like this one who has similar interests as me and has similar experiences as I do. I have considered just not bothering to ask her out on dates anymore and just let her come to me, since everything I consider never seems to work for her, but I also don't want to strike her as not caring about us and make her upset. What are my options here?I am sorry if I seem too confusing....
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at work, christmas, engaged, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ggunit  +, writes (7 January 2009):
ok, from experience knowing other girls who dated guys that ere out of school, this is what i know.
she most probably feels uncomfortable with you around people that she knows. although some people who know you that she knows will be diffent. but for the majority especially the guys will most probably think you are a looser, and the only girl you can get is one that is still in high school. so she has most probably heard that, and if she goes to your parties but you never end up going to her parties, then that is most probably the case.
if she is close to graduating, then keep with it because as soon as she graduates she won't care because you are both out of school. her friends won't care and your 2 social circles will start to mix.
if she is too far away, which i assume because it is january now, then my advice is let it go. she will be under so much pressure from friends and feel uncomfortable that it will end up putting strain on the relationship and it will end up failing. peer pressure can do bad things..
anyways hope it works out
GGunit
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (7 January 2009):
 Hey mate, rememebr its just been christmas and new years, she probably already had heaps of other plans and things to do even before like chrissy parties with friends/family etc. Its a busy time if the year.
Just take it easy don't be too pushy and just wait for her to call you. Then do some casual things like walks and stuff.
Its all cool.
Cheers.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): How about instead of special dates you try to do everyday things with her?
Like... offer to help her with the laundry (even if afterwards you won't do anything but stand there), help her with homework, ...
Don't worry. She's just being shy. In time she'll open up to you, feel more carefree around you and affectionate. For now she'll only feel comfortable if her friends are around, which is not a bad thing at all.
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