A
female
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anonymous
writes:I feel uncomfortable with what goes on between my bf and a girl friend of his.On numerous occasions he has gone over her house and shes just 'accidently' been naked- even at times when she KNEW he was coming over- it was pre arranged a time and everything and she said she would leave the house unlocked and he can just let himself in...and what happens, ooops shes naked! Yeah right it was just an accident each time.And then she 'needs' his help putting sunscreen on at the beach- not just the hard to reach parts such as back though, like arms etc...cant she do that herself?Do i have the right to feel insecure with their relationship? On top of all of that, he has another girl friend who makes passes at him- suggesting she wants to sleep with him- and she is not joking.My bf tells me all of this and it hurts like hell. Sometimes i have to wonder if hes telling me because he wants to be honest and not hide anything or because he wants to make me jealous and gets some cheap thrill out of all these girls after him!Im afraid that if i ask him to stop all this behaviour that he wont because i get the feeling that he likes the way these friends of his act. Im afraid he will just be like 'it doesnt matter, i dont like them liek that ,i like you' and that will be the end of conversation. I mean, it doesnt take a genious to work out that those things would upset me right? So why does he let it happen? I feel so hurt, like as if im not good enough for him, despite how much attention and love i give him- and trust me i give him alot!!! please help, me and my bf are 20 years old. i hoenstly thought he was 'the one'- and i dont say that often or loosely. I am not having doubts though.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Basically your boyfriend and this other girl are crossing boundaries of intimacy. The lines seem very blurred to me. Friends are friends and I don't know about you but even to see one of my closest female friends naked would be uncomfortable just because of basic politeness and discretion. She is doing it on purpose and lets stop dancing around the point - she is hoping that by appearing naked in front of your boyfriend he will say "oh wow you are incredible I want you not the girlfriend I already have." Believe it or not I think this other girl is sad and obviously desperate if she is having to play 'dirty tricks' like this to try and get hold of your bloke. Men turn a blind eye to this blatant flirting because they quite like the attention and are not able sometimes to see the obvious. The suncream rubbing on sessions are just another 'excuse' for intimate contact - initiated by her. I think there are a couple of ways you could make your fella see he is hurting you. Firstly you could talk about your male friends and develop a scenario which could involve intimacy (description only) such as - "oh when I went around to Bens to lend him this book he wanted I couldn't believe it he'd been to the gym and was getting changed I never knew he had a six-pack like that". Then wait a few days and suggest you might start doing sports massage classes because you think there is a market for it and a few of your friends have offered to be 'pupils'. This kind of thing may not fit in to your life but I'm trying to suggest what might get your boyfriends attention. If and when he 'bites' at what you are saying you will have the perfect excuse to say "Oh, its ok for you to catch XXX naked and rub sun cream into her body but its not ok for me to give Ben a massage." Failing that idea I would invite the girl in question over and when your boyfriend is out the room say to her "We're not stupid dear, it might be better if you found yourself naked with someone who does not already have a girlfriend." You are hoping your boyfriend would know already that what she is doing is wrong but trust me he doesn't want to know - he's too busy enjoying the attention.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Talk to the girls behind it!
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A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (9 January 2009):
 Ok, he tells you that when he arrived at her house he found her naked. But did he tell you what happened then? Did she imediately get dressed? Did she say or do anything suggestive? Did he? How was his expression when he told you? Was he amazed? Did he laugh and think she is a kook? Or did he seem to find this tantalizing? Or was it matter of fact to him and he really didnt care?
Many people are very open and relaxed about their bodies. Perhaps she is a nudist and doesnt really care that he sees her naked. I am a nudist and so is my boyfriend. He just recently told me a story that happened several years before he and I began dating. He was traveling to a town where the sister of a good friend (who also happens to be an ex-girlfriend) lived. He called up the sister to spend the day with her. They went to the local nude beach and he got naked. There was absolutely nothing sexual involved. He is just very confortable with his body and really doesnt give a whoop about who sees him naked or the fact that the sister was not a fellow nudist. The friend was rather upset with this scenerio, but since she was no longer a girlfriend she really had no say in the matter. He is the kind of guy who will get naked at the drop of a hat!
So perhaps this girl is the same way? Perhaps she knows your boyfriend doesnt care and therefore is confortable being nude around him? It is just a suggestion. But even if this is the case she should not be getting naked around him if it makes you unconfortable and it is HIS job to let her know this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 January 2009):
 QUOTE ****My bf tells me all of this and it hurts like hell. Sometimes i have to wonder if hes telling me because he wants to be honest and not hide anything or because he wants to make me jealous and gets some cheap thrill out of all these girls after him!*****
First of all I find it a little iffy that he didn't tell her ( when he "found" her naked that he would come back in 15 and that she better be dressed) And the walked away, yet he seems to be open with what goes on. Hard to say if he's playing games.
IF you think he is the ONE - you need to realize that you are making yourself sick and your mind is working overtime analyzing things he says and does, which in time will erode trust and love in the relationship.
TALK to him. Tell him how it makes you feel. Be open, be calm when you do, no accusations no drama.
You said:
I feel so hurt, like as if im not good enough for him, despite how much attention and love i give him- and trust me i give him alot!!!
He should know that!
You are both 20 years old, it's about time you learn how to REALLY communicate!
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A
female
reader, Dani28  +, writes (9 January 2009):
If this guy loves you he will understand ur insecurities, u shouldn't have to feel like this, i find it bizarre that his 'friends' would behave like this. Men love to know that they are longed after, he will lapping this up, but if he doesnt see the emotional impact that this is having on u he isnt worth having sweetheart. If this doesnt change for u sonn and i mean soon i would consider letting him go and see if he comes back, this matter will drag u down until u have no self respect left, dont let that happen. Message me, id love to talk more about this.
take care Dani xoxoxo
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