A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My group of close friends is made out of 7 guys and 2 girls (me included). The other girl just recently joined the group. She was my ex's friend (he introduced her to me) and, within a week of me introducing her to the group, a guy fell for her.She is very pretty (long blonde hair, thin, beautiful eyes) and is that type of sensitive, over-emotional girl. So we all have to be extremely careful around her, as she sometimes snaps into a depressive state if we tease her a bit. However, she is also a huge attention seeker (screams, repeats things a thousand times, makes tantrums, if I tease a friend by tickling him she immediately does the same to another person, things like that) and has absolutely no academic skills (she's 22 and didn't know what was an even number. seriously!).I, on the other side, am chubby, average looking, pretty eyes and that's all. Intellectually, I'm very similar to the guy (we usually have interesting conversations) and I'm very cheerful.So, long story short, it was pretty obvious that the guy liked her, so he told her. She is obviously in love with another guy (from outside the group) and told him she saw him as a good friend, but that she didn't want a romantic relationship with him. However, the girl keeps texting him, hugging him, kissing him, tickling, you know, that cliché flirting. She trusts me a lot (honestly don't know why, as I never gave her much trust to be friends) and told me in a personal conversation that she really doesn't want him at all.The guy (one of my best friends) also told me he is over her. But then he acts like he isn't.. For instance, just today he kissed her neck several times.I will be honest: I may be interested in him. He is a very nice guy and we have very similar personalities. If she had never been introduced to the group, I am almost 100% sure that me and him would end up dating. I considered asking her to back off (since she's not interested and he SAYS he's also not) but she'd either go tell him or would be so obvious that he'd end up finding I'm interested in him..So I know she isn't interested, but why doesn't she back off a bit to help the guy forget her? Why does she keep "innocently" flirting with him? And if he is so over her, why is he always hugging her and touching her hair and biting her neck?Should I say something to her? To him (I honestly don't feel comfortable exposing myself to that point though)? Should I just stay out and let them keep this? Should I try to fight for him? What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): OP this is only pissing you off because she has the balls to do what you don't and she doesn't even like him.
OP they're both adults, he knows she doesn't like him so she's not playing with him or anything, he knows where he stands and still flirts with her.
You don't feel comfortable exposing yourself to that point? Then you'll never get with him then it's that simple and no OP it wouldn't be fair for you to tell her to back off because you're asking her to be rude to him and create awkwardness due to your inability to make a move. I mean he'll want to know why she's suddenly acting cold and then what? You expect her to lie for you, you expect her to ruin her position in a new group of friends because you're too passive and to sort out your jealousy? That's low OP, especially when you don't even like the girl.
With all due respect OP grow up. She's done nothing bad to you that you condemn her so badly and dislike her so much. Most of that stems from jealousy if you ask me. She may be ditzy, a bit of an airhead but she has done nothing to warrant your attitude towards her as she's done nothing to fuck you over, she's not even interested in the same guy as you or anyone from your group, yet you're still jealous. In fact she thinks she has a friend she can confide in and all you do is slag her off. Not exactly friend of the year are you?
OP all they're doing is having some harmless flirting fun, if you didn't even like that guy then it wouldn't bother you to this degree and the fact he's not doing this with you when you'd really love that is not her fault.
"If she had never been introduced to the group, I am almost 100% sure that me and him would end up dating."
OP her being introduced to the group has done nothing to increase or decrease your chances. Even if she wasn't you'd still lack the balls to make it happen. And frankly OP she is well within her right to do anything she wants with him because you've done nothing. Even if she wasn't part of the group do you really think he'd be single for as long as you need to get your courage together?
Look it's not fair for you to put this on her, this is your problem, not hers. She probably would back off if you asked but you shouldn't put her in that position. OP you can't let this continue this way, you're getting jealous, bitter, you're blaming someone else for your failings and you very much risk turning into a complete bitch about this creating some major trouble in the group, not purposefully of course but emotions make the best of us crazy and it's already starting with you. Jealousy is a very powerful emotion OP, this girl is in no way a threat to you in the group, in fact she may be your best ally and the one best placed to help you out with getting this guy. But instead you see her as some kind of enemy when the real enemy is your own fear.
OP you never get anything in life without taking a chance and good people don't expect others to have to change who they are or how they act with people because of they're jealousy.
This is what happens when you're too afraid to take risks OP, you get left behind, you become bitter, you blame others.
It's time you made your move and tried it on with the guy you're 100% sure you could have gotten. Once you do and she finds out I bet she'll back off on her own out of respect. I bet if you talked to her and asked her for advice on how best to approach him she'd be there for you and do whatever she can to help you. I bet she'd even be there if he rejected you and you would be well within your rights to ask her not to blatantly get cosy with him in front of you because everyone will know you like him and it'll be out there that you tried.
Instead of condemning her OP, give her a chance to be the friend she believes you to be and see what she has to offer. She certainly seems far better at the whole guys thing than you, she may every well have some insights into that kind of thing. She may not be intellectually on your level but someone who claims an intellect such as you do should be able to see that's not the only thing people have to offer.
Why do they continue to flirt that way? Because they can, both know where they stand so they can be completely comfortable doing it. I'm like that with my female friends when I'm single and they are too.
It's time OP, the choice is simple either be an observer and watch as others get the things you desire or be a woman of action and get those things yourself. If you choose to sit back and watch in life OP don't be jealous of those that get what they want, it's not their fault you don't. You shouldn't punish them for that.
Best of luck OP, the worst that can happen is he says no, and that's not even a bad thing because like them you'll know where you stand.
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