| A
male
,
*_shade_of_gray
writes: I'm worried that my girlfriend may be cheating on me with her ex.The story is basically this;She went out with him for a short period of time about 5 years ago (possibly more) but broke up with him because he treated her badly (I'm not sure of the specifics). He's a drug dealer and a burglar.She had a relationship with another guy for three years. He didn't treat her badly but they drifted apart. She ended up cheating on him with the aforementioned guy and leaving him.He treated her badly again, refusing to commit to a relationship, seeing her only when it suited him (ie. using her for sex) and finally leaving her for several months. When he eventually returned she began seeing him again and having sex with him, right up until she met me.For the first few months of our relationship she refused to tell him about me. She insisted that he was just a friend but admitted that she used to love him. Several more months into our relationship after we'd moved in together she wanted to stay and work in a town a couple of hours drive from our place. A town which coincidentally happened to be where he was living at the time. I work long hours and it would have been unfeasible for me to see her. She didn't do it in the end but I thought it worthy of note.Months later she told me one morning that she was going to meet him at a music gig along with her sister. Later on that day I arrived home from work and found that all the curtains in the house were closed, including our bedroom curtains and she was having a shower (something she rarely does at the end of a day). She was also acting hornier than she'd been in days. She told me that she'd met him at our place instead and they'd spent the day at the beach (without her sister). I was highly suspicious and upset but she assured me she'd never be unfaithful to me.Another month or so down the track I noticed she was texting him alot. I confronted her about it and she said she'd stop texting him (I didn't ask her to. I just told her that it bothered me).A month later I noticed that she was still texting him. I decided to trust her and let it go.Recently she drove to a nearby town to visit him. The next day I happened to be in the bathroom when she was going to the toilet and saw her wipe away some thick clear looking goo. She noticed that I'd seen and joked that she starts 'overflowing' if she doesn't have sex for a couple of days. Can that really happen? The only other times I've seen that is after we've had sex.Am I over-reacting? She's only seen him 3 times that I know of in the entire year I've been with her. I wouldn't ask her to stop seeing him because she considers him a close friend. Even if I did she would still see him in secret. It just bothers me that she still has obvious feelings for him regardless of how he treated her and it makes me worried that if she still has those feelings she'll take them further and cheat on me. What should I do?
View related questions:
broke up, her ex, moved in, period, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, him +, writes (21 May 2006):
oh, man i'm sorry... i've been there and it is one of the worst feelings out there.. you mentioned that you came hom and all the curtains were closed.. if your suspiscious that she is having "relations" in your home why don't you opt out fof one of those alarm clocks with a camera inside. just make sure she has no clue what it actually is.. you also said she had cheated on her previous boyfriend. telltale signs...
A
male
reader, Sparks +, writes (19 May 2006):
 Your girlfriend has cheated before (“…ended up cheating on him with…”). That’s the first red flag. She says she will stop messaging the guy, yet you catch her resuming her little conversation with him a while later. Another red flag.
With all due respect, sounds like your girl is not the trustworthiest out there.
Also, where is her self-respect? She spent years letting herself be used for sex as you put it, with a drug dealer and burglar of all people… I mean, what sort of standard is that? That’s not some impulsive mistake; it’s a conscious decision of spending years with some criminal.
Now to top it all, had she cut her ties with that low life, but no. She has a need to keep seeing him and just has to maintain contact. At this point, since you seem like you tried to “understand” her, she is probably taking advantage of the freedom you gave her. I’m sorry to say this, you partially to blame for your omissions.
When people want to move on, they may keep a cordial civilized contact with former partners, but there’s no room for the so-called close “friendships”. That’s just an excuse for sustaining a bond a person is not willing to let go.
From your story, the harsh truth is it sounds like this girl loves the other guy, but he can’t give her a proper relationship she wants – so that’s where you come in. You are probably a guy she likes too, even if she doesn’t exactly love you (or she wouldn’t feel the need to be talking to the burglar guy). It’s all too convenient for her.
I would move on ASAP if I were you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2006): Sounds VERY suspicious. You know yourself better than anyone and if you think that you smell a rat, its probably because one is lurking just below the radar. I'd keep a very close watch on this situation if I were you. I'm just sorry I dont have better advice.
...............................
|
