| A
male
age
36-40,
*rusturated0203
writes: I am an 19 year old college student and have been with my girlfriend for 7 months. We are very serious and I love her to death, but I have a problem getting over her past. She is 21 and has had sex with 5 guys between age 18 and 21 (lost her virginity at 18). I understand that she is older than me, but I don't get how she lost her virginity to a guy within a week of dating and continued to have sex with men who treated her like an object. She didn't have sex with me until a month had passed (not that I have a problem with that). I am a traditional kind of guy and lost it to her because she is the woman I would like to marry one day. How do I get over her past and why can't I understand how she could have been like this in her past?[moderator note: you don't need to post 11 different questions at the same time; perhaps a councellor could be of more help to you?]
View related questions:
her past Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, paddy +, writes (10 January 2007):
so what if shes had lots more experience im sure she much happier knowing that shes making love to a guy that truly cares for her and respects her. gd on ya ma8 and just try and forget the past and just concentrate on her!
A
female
reader, Reebe  +, writes (5 January 2007):
 You very into this girl, but everyone has a past and wether you agree with it or not it has happened and there's no way of changing it.
She hasn't done anything wrong to you and while she is faithful and loves you then I would keep your thoughts to yourself and hopefully in time you won't think about it at all.
This is just because your jealous of previous guys but most people have had past relationships and it's how she is with you now that really matters. Relax and enjoy this relationship!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): Were you a virgin before you met her? A lot of men who are virgin's have problems when they fall in love with a girl who is sexually experienced. If they are honest with themselves, they will admit that perhaps they feel hurt at themselves for not getting their "first".
You justify her "behaviour" by seeing her as being used as an "object" and I bet she loves encouraging this perspective, but the truth is she participated and probably enjoyed sex with these other people just as much as they did.
Perhaps she waited a month before having sex with you because she felt more for you? Girls who find themselves getting attracted to "nice" caring guys do tend to hold back on having sex with them. It is because they realise that real love, real respect and attention comes through talking, communication, affection and dedication, and not through sexual passion.
Your situation is hard to accept, and I feel that sadly, if she is your only sexual partner, you may not be able to really appreciate what I am saying until you are older, more sexually experienced, and have already lost this girl from your life.
Some random tips:
Give this time. Time heals pain.
If you can, talk to her about how you feel, but be very careful about how you word things. If you make her feel like she is a slag then her feelings for you will be damaged.
Consciously be aware of how she treats you now. Does she seem faithful? dedicated? loving? these are all traits that are very hard to find in people and you would be a fool if you loose that out of jealousy that she has been sexual with other people.
If you can get over this, you will become more close, and intimate to her than any other guy has even nearly got. You should feel special that you are her first that she has truely fallen for.
I am also the moderator who removed your other 10 questions relating to the same question. I don't remember them all, but I remember you talking about comparing what she has done sexually with those guys and yourself. Again, this is YOUR problem of jealousy, not hers. You need to stop asking her about her sexual past and concentrate on the love and respect. If you can have a truely proper relationship with her, you can become far more sexually intimate than she has been with anyone else - but as soon as you start along the lines of "why did you do this with him but not with me" you have already begun down the road of loosing her. By telling her things like this, you are inadvertantly treating her like a sexual object. The thing that, deep down, you know you are accusing her as being.
Time, time, time. Allow the past to pass and you things will be OK. Allow the past to haunt you, and your relationship will die. The choice is totally in your hands. All the best.
...............................
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (5 January 2007):
 Personally, I don't think that is so bad. If you do, then you have to deal with it. I started having sex at 15 with a 13 year old (who was built like a 25 year old - LOL), so I'm not exactly the bastion of virtue. Sex is sex. It's fun. It's exciting. Don't rag on her for being a little adventurous. Get over it or get on with it.
...............................
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (5 January 2007):
 I understand the way you feel right now. My partner has slept with 100's of women and it kills me, especially when I have to see them around. It can be hard to see how they can do this with people they don't care about and then suddenly be doing something different the second they get with you. I have a problem getting over this: surely they do the same with us that they did with them?
But he assures me this is not true. We have spoken about it and I think you need to do it too. He tells me how much he loves me and how wonderful it is with me. I know it can be hard to accept they've had other people before us but we either accept them for who they are or let them go and find someone who shares the same values as us.
I still haven't made this decision yet. I don't know whether I can marry a man with this past but only you can know whether you can marry this girl. It sounds to me liek she's not too bad, we all make mistakes. I think we could really help each other so send me a private message if you like.
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): i know this sounds wrong.. but im 16 and i've slept with 6 different guys but that was my passed, i've grown up now, my boyfriend doesn't have a problem with that. obviously your girlfriend trusts you otherwise she wouldn't have told u, if i was you i wouldn't let something so small ruin a relationship. but that's just me. x
...............................
|
