A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone.I have been good friends with a woman for nearly two years. She is married with two young children. I have been divorced for five years with three children. Recently, my feelings have gone beyond the good friend stage and I have become attracted to her emotionally and physically. I am sure she feels the same way about me.The thing is she has recently separated from her husband who she has been with for ten years. They are no longer living together and are making the separation legal. My question is how long do I wait to tell her how I feel? She has told me she is no longer in love with her husband and is ready to move on. But I do not want to pressure her or scare her in any way. This is still a lot to go through for someone regardless of whether or not they still love their spouse. What should I do? Should I still keep being her friend? How do I turn off the spark that I feel for her? We both know it's there but can't act on it yet. We flirt with each other and have a lot in common and laugh together. I really care for her and want to be with her. I want to make sure I do all the right things. Does anyone have any experience on how to approach a separated woman for a long term relationship? I know she is the one for me. I lose sleep at night over it. I just want to be there for her and let her know I am her friend without putting any more pressure on her. My feelings are scaring me because I am afraid that she can still let me down.Can anyone give me some good advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Relationship.Chef +, writes (3 February 2012):
 The more you wait, the better the feeling becomes. Just like fine wine, bottled for a hundred years, just before it turns into vinegar.
OK, casting aside the sarcasm, there's no best time to open up, yet, there's never a bad time to do so.
Speak to her, tell her that you won't sacrifice your friendship for the intimacy, yet, she means more to you than just a friend.
Women treasure friendship more than companionship, as, with the latter, there's always the danger of heartache.
Don't hide your feelings, yet, don't present her with the ultimatum. ("It's either a relationship, or, no friendship at all).
Instead, tell her that you will always be friends, no matter what, yet, you've always been attracted to her, and, it's important that there are no secrets between the two of you.
:)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2012): "Can anyone give me some good advice?"
Make it explicitly clear to her that as the divorced father of three children you have witnessed first hand the trauma kids suffer when their stable loving happy homes are torn apart, irretrievably broken and snatched away out
from underneath them, and as such your and her sole priorities from now until the youngest reaches adulthood are to be the best parents you possibly can be to your own children, precluding any chance of romance for the next several years, minimum.
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (3 February 2012):
 You sound like such a caring lovely guy.
I am sure deep down she appreciates you putting her first and giving her that space and support to "recover" from her previous.
From what i gather you both get along great, you have chemistry (flirt) so there is no reason why she would not like to get together with you.
Yes keep being her friend, enjoy the friendship. Do the things together which bring you joy. Dont focus on the niggling doubts.
Ultimately you will know when is the APPROPRIATE time to reveal your feelings. The right time will be when your comfortable with it. That's when!
My advise to you, is that there is really nothing to be afraid of...there is nothing to lose sleep over because so far the boat is sailing steady (so to speak).
Try not to worry about it because the more you worry the more unnecessary stress you give yourself. You dont deserve stress.
So continue to be her friend, enjoy the friendship stage and the getting to know each other without rushing, and when you feel comfortable with your feelings share them with her. I am sure she will reciprocate.
I wish you the best of luck!
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