A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do anymore. My wife of 19 years is no longer the woman I married. We have three children 11, 13, and 19. In the last few years she has taken in pets and recently has taken on 8 more added to the 15 she already has. She spends ALL her time on these animals and when me or one of my girls tries to talk with her or even spend time with her she brushes us off and says we are taking up her time she needs to clean the animals. She works full-time and from the time she gets home to midnight or so she is cleaning and playing with the animals. My girls have confided in me that they feel completely neglected. My 19 year old is expecting her second child and she feels her mom will never find the time to be a grandmother to them. My middle says she plans on running away from home the second she is legal, and my youngest is completely withdrawn and will not communicate with me (probably because her mom has pushed her away for so long). What do I do about this? We want to sit down with her and talk about this, but we know she will feel ganged up on and probably run out crying. I feel like I am no longer married and I'm a single parent. My girls need their mom but she won't give them the time. How can we talk with her without making her feel ganged up on? We've each tried to talk to her seperatly, but she won't give us the time.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 Your children are exactly that children, you need to be the one to take responsibility and try and get through to her, so sit her down and tell her how you are feeling, don't take no for an answer. Tell her how this is effecting her children. It could be menopause or it could even be depression. Maybe she got in to a routine with the family and wanted a hobby and now the hobby has just over taken her life. Tell her she needs to start showing attention to her children before she loses them and you. Something needs to be done and soon, even if it means selling some of the animals. It is not fair on you or your children. Be a man stand up to her and tell her exactly how it is. Tell her to then go and talk to her children.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (1 November 2011):
 sounds like she is using the animals as a form of escapism from her routine with the family. talk to her. is she menopausal or pre-menopausal? (a blood test can detect this) - if so this can do crazy things to a woman's mind as she experiences the shit storm of hormones, maybe it has her feeling broody and this is why she is taking animals in and looking after them like you would a baby, they have that same helpless and dependent quality. just a thought. read up on menopause, get educated to what you may be dealing with
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