A
male
age
36-40,
*aster of Disaster
writes:A few months ago I got into an intimate relationship with a collegue of mine. She is a quite the full package: attractive, intelligent and amiable. The problem in our relationship (I should probably put that word into brackets) and why it eventually ended was that she's actually married and a mother of 3 year old son. I knew that from the very beginning and didn't mind that she embarked on a sordid affair with me. Her husband had been treating her very badly. Since he knew that her wife had found a good male friend at work he started to get jealous, but never surely never suspected any kind of sexuality between us. Except for flirting maybe.Suddenly he changed, promised to improve his ways and indeed broke with his previous obnoxious behaviour towards her - which is why she decided to give him a second chance, hence "breaking up" with me. I didn't feel bad at all when she told me she couldn't go on with a sexual relationship and that we should remain friends as we more or less couldn't avoid eachother anyway at the workplace. We are still on good terms and she exchanges emails and messages with me frequently. Now the big problem is that I think I now have fallen for her. I can't get her out of my head. At the time we met for sex I didn't have any great feelings for her. I just liked her very much. My last break-up after a longer relationship was painful so that I swore to myself I wouldn't let myself get "drifted away" again. Well, here I am pining for a woman I obviously can never have a serious relationship with. Communication works so fluently and brilliantly between us and I never get bored chatting with her. We share similar interests and she's the first woman taking interest in my hobbies. Not to mention that the sex was the best I've ever had. Should I confront her? I fear I would ruin or at least harm our friendship. Her birthday is approaching and I might meet her husband which will be quite ackward, too. How should I behave towards him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 September 2010):
 Im not sure if I can answer all of your questions, but here's what I think when I read your story. It is best to remind yourself that she is not such a great person as you imagine her to be. You said she is the full package.. she is not. She lacks one feature, and that is loyalty and being faithful. She was able to cheat with you, she is able to cheat on you. Try to get yourself to fall out of love with her. You had a sexual relationship, that is on a very shallow level. You do not know her beyond that, and do not know if conversation would flow just as easily if you got further into it. In order to distance yourself from her emotionally you should have as little contact with her as possible.
Work and romance seldom mix well. Try to get out of this one before it goes further.
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