A
male
age
36-40,
*imonZ
writes:I am a 22-Year-old guy, and I have been living with my Girlfriend who is 21, for about 8 Months.I absolutely love her. We never argue or conflict. We were made for each other.Heres my Problem: She is Jewish. I am not Jewish and Uncircumcised. I want to convert, and we want to get married.I have no problem with her faith, and actually planned to convert long before we met.But not once, even with sex, did circumcision ever become a discussion until now.We had our first argument last night, and she told me that she always assumed that I would want to be circumcised, as well as have my sons done.But after I told her that I want to stay intact, our relationship has been shaken up.I strongly disagree with Circumcision.I believe that there are no worthwhile medical benefits to still do it.My mother gave me the choice and left me uncircumcised when I was younger, and I wanted to give my future sons the same luxury.I know the benefits of being intact. I would sacrifice them for my wife, her family and religion; but I will never take away them away from my son, or his freedom of choice (both Body and Religion).I cannot see why circumcision is so significant in becoming a Jew.My Girlfriend told me that there are Jews that are uncircumcised, but all Rabbis are willing to refuse any aspiring convert that they deem unfit to be Jewish.I understand that it would show me as Jewish, but would G_d really care if I left myself in "his image"?Her father warmly welcomed me to his family, but refusing circumcision is akin to slapping him and his heritage in the face.They are lovely people, and I don’t want to lie to them.But nor do I want to take from my son of any freedom he deserves.My GF is the youngest child of her Jewish family, and she has two older brothers, all who are circumcised and have circumcised sons.Her father and mother strongly would want me to be circumcised, as well as any of my future sons.My GF told me that she personally doesn’t care whether my sons or I are circumcised, but her family definitely will. There is almost no way for me to stay intact, or avoid circumcising my sons.Even if I lie to our Rabbi and say that I am circumcised, the time will come when we have our first son and the family prepares for his Bris.If I tell them that I don’t want my sons to be circumcised, or that I want to remain intact;Both me and my wife (and any children we have) will likely be outcast from the family.What can I do!? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (27 June 2007):
SO you Want to become a Jew, well you already are as Jewish as the family you are marrying into. See, All of us came from the same Genealogy,namely, Adam and Eve. Guess that make you as Jewish as that whole family,and Them as much Gentiles as your whole family. I would wonder how you can become something that you already are? THERE IS ONE BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEM AND YOU. You are a "Jew" as I have set fourth in this letter,who believes in the Son of God,hopefully,Jesus Christ. She does't,no doubt,if she is an Orthodox Jew. So congratulations my friend, you get two circumcisions. The circumcision of your foreskin, and the circumsision of Christ out of your heart. See Judaism Exposed http://www.jesus-is-savior.com
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (22 June 2007):
 It's good to be proven wrong this way :)
Glad to hear you worked things out with your future wife and her family.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2007): I'm glad to hear it worked out. Thank you for keeping us updated.
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A
male
reader, SimonZ +, writes (22 June 2007):
SimonZ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood News!I have discussed the matter with the family, and her father has understood my wishes.I will be having a Circumcision, but any of my son's will choose before their Bar Mitzvah (12th Birthday).The conversation between us was rather comical, and in the end he was glad that both he and I were settled.He was a little upset at first that I questioned circumcising my sons, but understood my concern.He told me that any son of mine would be raised as I wish, and that he is far more excited in welcoming me and any future children into the family.I promised to raise my children Jewish, and he is grateful.Here in Britain, not many boys are circumcised.The rate is around 1/10 and is decreasing.His wife told me that she has friends who were in the same situation, and didn’t circumcise.Their son is now 11, and has decided to stay uncircumcised.According to her, today there are some Jewish families that have decided not to circumcise.This certainly puts my girlfriend and I at ease.Later in the week I was invited over, and he and our Rabbi discussed my Circumcision and the wedding.I no longer have a problem with my circumcision, as I have decided to convert.My wife doesn’t mind, and it was all my decision in the end.I am booked into Hospital for a Circumcision in about 2 months time, and my conversion shortly after.The wedding is still in planning, possibly next year sometime.He and his wife like to plan ahead!We all have decided that if I were to have a son in the future, that we will still have a Circumcision ceremony, without the actual circumcision.Instead, the Mohel will take a drop of blood from his penis.This way, we can still celebrate my son’s initiation into Judaism with a ceremony, and the family can celebrate.My son won’t be circumcised.They are very friendly people, not the stereotypical in-laws that everyone fears.There is no sniping or conflict at all, and her family is very welcoming.I’m dining out with them tomorrow night, and will be meeting the extended family.Wild Thaing's comment:As I said before, we have had no problems at all in our relationship.The circumcision argument was our very first conflict, but other than that, we get along very well.We love each other very much.When the matter came up, it was a fork in our relationship’s road.But either way, both of us will go down the same path.It’s difficult to explain how close we are.Thankyou all for your support!
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reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (21 June 2007):
"We were made for each other". Arguing over circumcision certainly puts that bold statement to the test!
Compromise is in order. If neither you nor your girlfriend can master the art of compromise then there will be very stormy waters from this point on.
I am Catholic and my wife is not. Our daughter, who is not baptized, is in a Catholic school. Our marriage has not been sanctioned by the Catholic church, and it is not a problem for me. This is compromise in action.
Compromise means understanding the other's perspective and respecting it. If you can't do it, and your girlfriend can't do it, then it's clear that you two were not made for each other.
Reconciling differing views on religion will be an even greater challenge. Walk carefully because the circumcision argument is a harbinger of things to come.
I don't think your relationship will survive this test, but you might prove me wrong. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2007): You can make your circumcision a RITE OF PASSAGE in preparing for marriage, on leaving home, or whatever. By undergoing it you are sharing in a great and time honored custom which, deep down, is respected by most women as well as by many men. Following the Jewish method the most painful part is the second stage of periah when the inner skin is torn down to the corona and then stripped awau. But there should, apparently, be a little pain in experiencing one's circumcision -- so the Talmud says. Good luck.
Susan
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A
female
reader, vervada123 +, writes (4 June 2007):
 devout catholics don't do everythin their religion tells them, so why should judasim be any diffent. you do wot you believe. good luck
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A
male
reader, SimonZ +, writes (3 June 2007):
SimonZ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers.
I don’t know whether they were true, but I have heard nasty rumours that circumcision actually decreases sensitivity and ruins sex.
It makes sense; you are taking away the penis’s protection.
There can also be irreversible downsides to it as well.
I mean, for me, masturbation and foreplay would be nothing without the foreskin.
I can’t imagine how lesser I would be when having sex!
I have lived long enough to know that the cleanliness and infection risks are garbage.
It isn’t hard to clean, and I have never in my life had an infection or any problem with my intactness.
No medical reason (though most are rather shallow) will make me circumcise my sons or myself.
The thing that irritates me is that my GF doesn’t care if I remain intact, or leave future sons intact.
It is her family and Religion that want me to do it.
I will do it for Judaism & to be part of the family, but why should religion have to impose its ways on my body, or any of my future sons?
I will be visiting her family tonight, and I will talk to her father privately about it.
He is an understanding man, but I know there will be conflict.
I will tell him my situation and my feelings towards leaving my future sons intact, and as far as I know he may even respect that.
I want to find a Rabbi that respects my opinion, but I assume that it will be very difficult.
I plan to propose to him that if I have a son, he can choose to be circumcised before his Bar Mitzvah; but even then, I don’t want my son to feel that he has to be circumcised to be part of the family.
Any children I have will be raised Jewish, but I still want to give them the choice of religion. I don’t want to force anything upon them.
I probably will end up circumcised (Though I still detest it) because it was my choice to convert however, no religion or opinion will force anything upon my children until they are old enough to decide for themselves; even if it means breaking with the family.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): Respecting your in-laws is a great thing. However Any sons you may have should be raised as you and your wife wish not as they wish. If your wifes' family were part of a culture that practiced female circumcision would you allow that to be performed on your daughters? As for the Bible doesn't it state that one should be "circumcised in his heart"? Please do not make this decision out of fear of what others will do. Make this choice based on what you believe G_d wants. Also I don't want to have a big debate but from what I've read you actually receive less stimulation afterward not more. Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2007): Hi,
I just want to let you know that i was in your position 2 months ago. We just had a baby boy two months ago, and in my husband's culture boys need to be circumcised. I didn't want my son to go through it and wanted to leave him the choice even because its a bit painful seeing your newborn son suffering.
But there was nothing left for me to do, so we did it for him....he cried ....i cried to....but now everything is alright....If i have another baby boy i would do the same
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reader, DV1  +, writes (2 June 2007):
 I know that it seems like a big deal, but it's only a foreskin. From what I've heard, it takes extra time to clean around it, and can cause you to be at greater risk for bacterial infection. I would do it, especially if you're planning to convert. As far as the G_d thing is concerned, it says in the book that everyone is to be circumcised... You're also going to get more stimulation from sex after you're circumcised, because more nerve endings will be exposed. It's all up to you...
DV1
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