A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im in a relationship with someone. I love her. She is amazing. She is, ultimately, what I have ever desired about in a woman. Except, I fear she is a slut... Slept with about 20 people, one a couple weeks before me... A couple months before that someone else, and so on... Constantly in and out sexually with men... About 10 one night stands...What really makes it hard for me is the sex... She is such a nasty freak in the bed... Literally she would let me give her anal and then suck me after... Her vagina seems pretty lose, almost beat up looking... I can pound her in the ass as hard as I can possibly thrust and she wants me to do it harder... Im not an expert, but she is a small chick, really small... My ex gf, if I even pushed a little too hard she would be in serious pain... it makes me really wonder you know...I want to be with her, but I dont want a slut for a gf... Or a wife...
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ex girlfriend, her past, my ex, one night stand, vagina Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): you are right call a spade a spade. she doesnt respect herself how can she respect you?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008):
Why does the long list of past partners have to be "collateral damage" incurred to get the GF's naughtiness in the bedroom?
I find that a lot of people can be just as naughty with very short lists of past partners. I don't think a partner with a promiscuous past is necessarily the "price" you must pay for an adventurous parter in the present.
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A
female
reader, kittikat +, writes (24 May 2008):
 Hi, I read your response from 23 May...You should NEVER bury your questions and you absolutely have a right to feel whatever it is that you feel. I know that I came across pretty harsh, I didn't mean to. It's just that you both seem like pretty awesome people and the fact that you'd come here looking for advice truly does show that you care. I know that you said that you want to be on the same page (in your relationship), but that's hardly realistic. I mean, as many here have put it, most people don't honeslty open up about their past for this very specific reason. It creats drama and causes doubt as to who someone really is. I commend your girl for being honest and it does show something of your character- she trusted you for a reason. Just because she was promiscious in the past does not mean that she is someone of low moral character or is going to be out and about looking for sex with random guys all the time. I honestly think that you're in better position than most simply because she knows what's out there, what she wants and doesn't- and now she's with YOU. It shows that you are worth keeping in her eyes. Good luck and try to focus on what the two of you have right now. We're the people that we are TODAY because of every moment that we've had up to this point. Good luck and don't "bury" your thought and feelings...That leads to resentment and negativity. I think you're doing the right thing by seeking advice, but you should really talk to her about it. Good Luck and keep us posted :-)
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A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (24 May 2008):
 Well, now we are moving into familiar territory. Her sexual past is getting to you and it's hurting you that she made herself available so cheaply to other men. Most men do tend to value sex a lot because it's not something that's given out on platters. (Some men, however, have "the gift", and I can state with 100% assurance that they hold pussy cheap because it's so easy for them to get. But that's not the case with most of us).
I'll do here what I do on other threads. Do a search on "her past" or "her history" in Dear Cupid, and check out all the different threads dealing with your dilemma. They can be wildly different in their details, but they all come down to men's emotional hurt and obsession with what their girlfriends have done in the past. You need to realise that you're not unique in this, and that you're not wrong for feeling upset. Like many men, you can't help how you feel, and one thing's for sure, you didn't ask to feel this way. The pain rises unbidden and hooks into the heart right at the most vulnerable moments of love.
The more you realise this the better you'll be able to cope with it. Don't try to suppress it. Recognise it and deal with it. It's not rational but it's there, and you're not alone.
The way to deal with it is to change your mental outlook. Don't let it take over your feelings. Don't obsess over it. Look at it from a different angle. So she experimented a bit. She didn't "give it away for free", she tried things out and found out how to be a better lover for the man she eventually fell in love with. Her past is hers, but if you can open up and embrace it, it belongs to you, too, now, because it's part of her. Don't reject it, accept it. It's not some betrayal locked up in a place you can't get to it; it's a gift that she's brought to you. (Sound crazy? Well, it all depends how you look at it! Read some of Collaroy's posts about how he takes his wife's past and turns it into something positive for their relationship.) At any rate, the future belongs to you both.
"Once a cheat always a cheat." Maybe. Maybe not. If she felt bad about cheating on you, it seems to me that she's not just a pussy open to all comers. She knows what's right and wrong, and her heart and mind have told her quite clearly, "No, I don't want this".
As for the bit about heavy thrusting, well, don't read too much into it. It doesn't mean she's got used to other men's heavy thrusting, it just means she knows what her body wants. Sure, you could have got a virgin, and after you'd broken her in and introduced her to the delights of sex, you might find about a year down the track that she started saying, "Can't you do me a bit harder? Yes, yes, like that!" I speak from experience. I had a girl who cheated on me, and when I told her that she'd developed a taste for heavy thrusting that she never had before, she told me in no uncertain terms, "Bullshit, that's how I always liked it".
You've got to look at building your relationship with this girl in the here and now. The past is past and can't be changed. The future is not here yet and can. You need to make it clear to her that you love her and cheating will never be accepted, because it would hurt you too much if she did that again. You also have to develop trust. A sexual past is not a death blow to a relationship, but a lack of trust is. This is something that only you and her can work on.
I hope it works out fine for you. If she really is so amazing she's worth it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionq1605 thanks for your response... And really thank you all for your responses... Im at such a strange place lately. I do adore my gf as much as my messages seem to contradict that notion. Sometimes though I seem to have a hard time understanding certain things, or seeing in certain perspectives. One thing I would like out of this relationship is for it to continue. I do not really want to end it, I just need to reassured that it will last.
I suppose I can overlook some of the grueling details regarding her past though I wish they were all make believe. Just believe me when I say I want someone who is, by all means, on the same page as me. We did not have to come from the same story, but it would make a lot more sense if we did... Do you know what i mean? There is a lot of questions I have, but I will try to bury them because I know I should not even have them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Sorry poster, but I don't understand one thing. If can look at lots of pussy, and know she's got a beat up one, then why is she a slut. And if you let her kiss out your ass, why is she the sexual freak.
You look at lots of pussy and you like getting your ass sucked out, how come she's the "Sex Freak" and not you.
And if you she's "frigid", how come you get to bang her "hard" all night. Do you hate this woman, are you trying to hurt her? I'm not sure I understand.
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A
female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (23 May 2008):
 You have the meaning of 'frigid' wrong there, Anon.
To be 'frigid' means to be persistently averse to sexual intercourse, or extremely cold ~ lacking warmth of feeling.
Also you said, I quote;
"But, when I take that into account, and then think about how she will let me basically thrust her with all my might and then ask me to do it harder really, really, makes me cautious... I mean, I just feel as though the reason she can take me so hard is because so many other guys have done it before me..."
My answer to that is; Not necessarily, In the heat of the moment I too like it thrust harder and harder *now blushin'* and that's got nothing to do with other guys, not in my case anyway.
Just enjoy her and treat her like you would want a good wife to be treated ~ and not like a whore or a slut who's been about, and like you said, a good fcuk would be the bonus in your relaionship...Just be happy.
BigSis xXx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@q1605 - She did cheat... Once she said... Though she said she felt regret afterwards and did not want to do it ever again... But the old familiar term: Once a cheater, always a cheater beats in the back of my mind with a jack hammer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello,I did not run away, I have been without computer for a couple days now.Things are not as easy as you guys claim... How should I feel about this girl? How do you know? Did you also know that she was seeing other men, while seeing me? Only in the beginning though... Also, one poster wrote that she had slept with someone two weeks before her husband... Well, same here, just a lot more... How should I feel about all that? Its not very good to my heart.I am not a perfect man, in fact, I am less than perfect. I have had one night stands, 2 in fact... One when I was a kid, and one when I was out of a long term relationship. The difference though, is that I did not need to go through so many to realize "Hey, I dont like this"...I think that the biggest thing here is that people forget men and women are, in fact, different. For example, at the pub if I were to stand up and say "Hey who wants to fuck", I might get the fat chick in the corner if I am lucky... Where as if a women, of same looks as me (lets just say), were to stand up and say "Hey who wants to fuck", you would imagine there would be at the least 10 guys willing to fuck her, right there...The fact that men have to "work" towards achieving sexual relations with a woman says a lot about how a man values a woman. The quicker he can fuck her, the less he values her. I would say that for the mass of us, that is a fact. So, when a women lets herself easily become sexual with a man, it cheapens the relationship or emotions that men have towards them.I agree I should not have called her a slut, that is derogative and yea it is mean... Sometimes though, when I think about it, I get worked up and feel hurt, and shamelessly enough I feel as though I need to hurt her back... I guess through my own twisted way I was attempting to release some of these negative feelings I have towards her HERE rather than to her FACE.However, the comment I made about her pussy is, well, true... I have seen enough pussy in my life to, I think, determine how banged up it is... My gf is a rather frigid girl, meaning that if I to like bump into her she would probably be like ow watch where you are walking... Ok... But, when I take that into account, and then think about how she will let me basically thrust her with all my might and then ask me to do it harder really, really, makes me cautious... I mean, I just feel as though the reason she can take me so hard is because so many other guys have done it before me...Im at a point in my life where I dont want a party girl, I want a relationship, secure... Marriage and children... I dont want a good fuck, that is a bonus... I want a good wife, strong marriage, and good life.
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A
female
reader, kittikat +, writes (23 May 2008):
Grrrrr! Love your stuff DiovanLestat! (looksie, I got your name right finally!) Make this boy come to reality dammit!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Hey dear poster,
Sorry we scared you off. It's just as you can see people can get a bit touchy about this kind of stuff. I bet you didn't expect this type of abuse to occur. (You had one supporter though, but I think we frightened her away too.)
It's just that she sounded pretty amazing, and we think your stupid to let her go. You've been looking over your shoulder at what everybody else will say. Well we've told you what we would say. She's amazing, and she loves sharing her body with you and your gonna let her go. Your dumb, real, real dumb.........
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Wow... KittyKat turns into a lion and roars....
(Ducks and hides for cover - Turns around realizing "I'm a woman too" and roars as well)
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A
female
reader, kittikat +, writes (23 May 2008):
YES! I love Oldfool's advice! Dude, I'm soooo hoping you read this and haven't thrown away something that you'll most likely be pining for later in life!
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (23 May 2008):
Well said Oldfool...I second your statement there.
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (23 May 2008):
The original poster hasn't replied since 20 May.
I think I'd modify my earlier reply like this:
* As you said, she's an amazing woman and you love her and want to be with her.
* She's amazing because she loves sex. She's experimented a bit in the past, partly out of curiosity, and that's made her into a great lover --- but now she's with you and she wants to do it with you.
So in a sense, yes, she is a slut -- she's YOUR slut and she's hot for YOU. She's not hot for other guys, she loves having sex with YOU. Since she's an amazing woman in both senses (as a person and as a lover), keep her! Don't let these old sexual stereotypes and shibboleths prey on your mind. And don't use words like "slut" so lightly. You've got a great hot woman. Treat her as a hot woman who's hot for you, not as a "slut".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): Honey you've got to think to yourself, "She's an amazing girl. Can I forgive her and be with her for the rest of my life, or would I rather see some other guy with his arm around her, who has forgiven her and is with her for the rest of his life?" Do you love her enough to forget her past, and let her move on? People DO change, and she has changed. EVERYONE comes with a past and the fact that you have to face is, some people's pasts include a lot more past partners than others. Is it worth leaving her for? Splitting up forever? She's an amazing girl, so surely there is no competition.
Don't fight against her past, let it go or it will control you. And honey, don't let this wreck your life with her.
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A
female
reader, kittikat +, writes (22 May 2008):
You know, I read this a couple of times and really had to think hard about what I wanted to answer...At first I got kind of angry, you know? I mean you talk about "pounding her in the ass" as hard as you want and that she's so "amazing" and a freak in bed, blah blah blah. But, then you want to look down on her for the experiences she's had that put you in such a blissful position? It's kind of a twisted way of thinking...She trusted you enough to tell you about her sexual history, expecting that you wouldn't judge her. American society has such a double standard regarding male vs. female sexuality and it's been the subject of huge debates for as long as I knew what sex was. Men seem to think that it's their chromosomal right to go around and conquer as many females as possible, which is fine- it makes sense from a biological standpoint, we're here to pro-create right? But, if a woman has the same desire and drive, she's labeled a whore or slut? It's so funny, even back in Biblical times, men called promiscious women these derogatory names, but never hesitated to "pound them in the ass" as hard as they wanted. Stippers and prostitutes are treated like the scourge of the Earth, but every night they've got millions of men the world over, lining up to fulfil their desires- all the while acting like they're as worthless as dirt. Doesn't that seem weird to you? If you LOVE someone, you don't judge them. If she's everything you've ever desired in a woman, then the sex means something too. I don't know, i feel that you might be insecure about the fact that she's had such a rich sexual past and that you can't keep up. I don't mean that to be insulting, I just mean that you might be intimidated. You may be thinking that because she's had so many partners, she may not want you after awhile. I doubt that's what she's thinking. SHe's with you for a reason and it sounds like you two have a pretty good relationship aside from you being a little narrow-minded. My boyfriend and I discussed certain things about our sexual experiences and I have had a very colorful, "slutty" past. At first, he was intrigued, but I did notice that when he wasn't feeling so great about himself or when my drive was higher than his- he started feeling like maybe I wanted something else. Absolutely not, never, no way. He's the only man I ever want to touch me for the rest of my life. And part of the reason for me knowing this is because I've had so many sex partners and experiences in the past. Believe it or not, most women get more out of sex than just the physical sensation. It's a bonding thing and the fact that she's with you and not out having one night stands, still looking for her "bond", means something. You should actually be happy, if you were with someone less experienced, she may potentially get curious to see what else is out there. So, be proud. You've tamed the "WILD SLUT", we are elusive and pretty hard to keep. If her past is something that is going to cause you a lot of heartache and problems, then you need to cut her loose now. It's not fair. She doesn't deserve to be judged and you deserve to find yourself someone that you're comfortable with. It's all about harmony.
As far as her vagina looking "beat up"... Are you kidding me!? I don't know how many you've seen, or maybe you watch too much of the high-cost production porn, but none of us look the same. And most aren't pretty and pink after like the age of 12. Even if you DID find a girl with what you thought was a perfect vagina, those things don't stay the same-EVER. No matter how many guys you have sex with. Go watch some amateur porn, you'll see what I'm talkin about. Real women have all kinds of bodies. I'm sure you're penis isn't a nice fat 9 inches of perfectly veined, solid muscle that stays hard for hours of blissful banging. If it was, then you probably wouldn't be complaining about her being loose. Chew on that. Like I said in another post, "If you wanted it tight, you shoulda brought a bigger dick".
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (22 May 2008):
 Hey Duskyrowe,
you just repeated a conversation I had years ago with my now wife.
the only difference was she was able to double that number and I wanted to know all the gory details. Lets just say it helped to open up our sex life - yeahh baby!!!.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (21 May 2008):
 Lol I am just picturing a Role play scenario......
BF: Hey honey you were wonderful, you are such a great lover Hun.
GF: Thanks Hun you are the best lover I have ever had.
BF: Wow thanks baby...... Out of curiousity how many lovers have you had before me?
GF: Now let me see..... ( She is naming her lovers and counting all her lovers on her fingers and toes) Twenty !!!!!
BF: WHAT TWENTY LOVERS YOU GODDAMN SLUT???? Eww and to think I have pounded my meat in you.
GF: But honey you did ask.... anyway what makes you the judge of me?
BF: Man I did not expect you to have f***ed a whole Godamn football team.
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (21 May 2008):
"Im in a relationship with someone. I love her. She is amazing. She is, ultimately, what I have ever desired about in a woman."
..."I want to be with her..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Poster...I see slight contradiction in your message. You started off by telling us how wonderful she is, yet finished off by slating the poor girl, but what you haven't asked for is our advice. You've not asked any questions about what you realy want us to do for you here.
What is it you want from us?
Yes I too am a little bit shocked at your choice of words, but I suppose that was the only way you could express your feelings. Fair enough.
All I can say is, if you really 'want to be with her', then you must try and forget her past. Don't bring it up again. Block or erase it from your memory, and enjoy her and love her as your 'amazing' girlfriend ~ who'll remain whatever you've 'desired in a woman' and be the 'ultimate' love for you.
Best of luck.
BigSis
xXx
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (21 May 2008):
Actually I am not a know all, I think I answered your question fairly and said it was very unfair to call your gf a slut. I am fully aware what a slut is and that it means a promiscuous woman, if you do not like what is said to you then don't post your problems.
Do the decent thing and finish with this young lady, and let her find herself a man that does not judge her sexual past. I agree with Fiona, you did add to your gf number by sleeping with her, so get over yourself and your sanctimonious ways.
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A
female
reader, Twirly +, writes (21 May 2008):
 Im going to ignore the insulting references you make towards your girlfriend in you post and simply say that you need to forget about her past and concentrate on what you have now.
Your girlfriend is with you now, and you have no cause for concern unless you should suspect her of cheating on you, which doesn't sound like it is the case.
If you're happy and she is happy, then just enjoy your relationship and stop worrying. What's past is past and you have the present and future to enjoy, why spoli it worrying about things you can't change?
You say she is great in bed, well why not look at her past experiences as a bonus for you, thay have probably contributed to her being so fantastic between the sheets.
Count your blessing, and don't ruin them with worrying!
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (21 May 2008):
 Ironically you have added to your gf's "numbers" by sleeping with her. I have to say, by the sounds of it rather willingly LOL. Just ask, yourself, how did you come to have sex, or how did it happen? The same would have happened before.
Ideally I think we like to meet people with a similar history. It certainly helps to marry somebody with the same values, interests and aspirations.
Is this too big an issue, or are you just a bit shocked or surprised?
We all have different life experiences.
If you have ever had a one night stand, then you will see how your gf has slept with more people than you.
At least she is honnest.
Although not in the same situation, I slept with a guy 2 weeks before I met my husband, and that has never affected anything, I have always been faithful.
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (21 May 2008):
The word "slut" is a great putdown. From what I can see, she is a woman with a keen interest in sex and she's experimented with a few partners. If that makes her a "slut", then I guess she's a slut. The opposite of a slut is what... a prude? Someone who's not interested in sex and would definitely not be adventurous enough to try it out with a few guys.
As for your observation that "vagina seems pretty lose [sic], almost beat up looking", this is a pretty uninformed and biased statement. I know, because I've slept with prostitutes who, despite several years of sex with many different men, had pussies that were snug and tight, and looked and smelled pristine and fresh. In other words, you think her pussy's loose and beat-up looking because you've already decided she's a slut.
Anyway, I'd get rid of her because she obviously doesn't come up to your exacting standards. In fact, I don't know how you can even respect yourself for having sex with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): Oh Miss female reader.... You got me going now.... You got me very, very angry..... Get of your high horse and stop judging people from on high.
This man asked for some advice and we gave it to him. What have you read, what have we said to give you the idea that we are promiscuous in our personal lives. You don't know my history, you don't know what I've done. Your a young female that has a chastity belt wrapped up so tight, it's strangling all the good sense that the lord gave you out of you. Your so judgemental, you make the pope look like a whore. You like wrapping up with a duvet, some of us like wrapping up with a real live man, who gives us companionship, love and respect.
You don't respect yourself, because you don't respect others. You judge others, so you probably judge yourself. You better watch who sit next to in school, you better watch who you sit next to in church. You should watch out for contamination when your shopping. Cause you never know when all us "slutty" people are gonna infect you with the sexual virus we have.
Stuff and bother... people like you make me sick. I thought I could be rude and cruel, but baby you just took the prize. Go and read the bible..... "Judge not least thee be judged"..... "whosoever is without sin, cast the first stone"..... "be like the good samaritan"..... "love your enemy as a friend"......There's tons in the bible you should be reading to correct that defect in your character and personality. You come across like one of those nasty German Nazi's... I'm good and others are bad.... I do good things and they are evil....I wonder what your final solution will be.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 May 2008):
 You love her but your love is not deep enough to overlook her faults .
If you really love her deep enough , then love becomes blind.
It is like going to the store to buy a vase,
there is only one last one which is not perfect with a hairline crack on it.
If you still like it , you take it home with you
or if you are not satisfied with it and want a better one,
go search from another source.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (21 May 2008):
Female anon, dont you see the irony in your post?
Here is this guy talking about screwing his girlfriend anally and you are agreeing with him that society is going down the tubes because people are too promiscuous.
Good grief. Abstinence programs have a lot to answer for!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): As a young female I get disgusted by soceity's ideas that makes promicuity seem ok and quite fine n dandy. People seem to have little concern and regard for the disrespect they are paying more so to their own bodies...alot of these people scarily dont always use contraception even whilst sleeping around with whoever they want.
Anyway everyone who has so far replied seem to be of the above category and sadly people like us are a minority these days who just have a bit more respect for ourselves and the health of our bodies. Personally if I had a partner either man OR woman and I found out they had slept about like that then yes I would think they were slutty and perhaps wont want to be involved with people like that. If someone had little respect for themselves I can not see how they could have respect then for me or other people.
Good luck !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): You present as overage from the USA. You have had previous sexual experience, but are worried about you current girlfriend because she has had more experience than you and is adventerous in her sexual appetite. Because of this you think she is a "slut". You love her but don't know if you want to be with this "sexual freak".
Nothing wrong with that, she likes sex and has the courage to explore her sexuality. You judge her for this and find her body used up and slack. The only solution to your problem is to finish this relationship. This girl deserves much better. She deserves to be with somebody who loves her unconditionally and accepts that her past makes her who she is. This you cannot do. This is not the woman for you, you need to finish this relationship, because although you may love her, you do not like her and she can be happy with somebody else.
Now you know what you want in a woman, you would be wise to scrutinise the sexual history of your next partner. To find women with little or no sexual experience, you should approach the church and find somebody that has made a virginity pledge. I wish you luck and urge you to take my advice, because it is obvious to everybody that this relationship is already dead.
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A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot +, writes (21 May 2008):
 I am wondering how the conversation about how many partners came up in the first place? Don't ask questions you might not want to hear the answer to.
It doesn't matter what we think she is. It matters what you think and it seems you don't think that well of her because of her past.
She can't change her past and she is clearly with you because she wants to be so try to forget about the past. I am sure there are things you have done in your past you aren't proud of and wouldn't want someone you loved to hold it against you.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (20 May 2008):
Here we go, another sad poor little mummys boy who cant handle the thought of his girlfriend having sex with someone other than him. Do her a favour mate, break up. I bet she has no idea you are judging her like this, boy did she luck out with you. Oh well never mind, she will meet someone else.
I hope she meets someone who will show her some respect.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (20 May 2008):
 If you are so unhappy move on. Shes turned out to be not the women you thought she was. Not through her own fault. Hey I can tell you I only slept with one man from 15 to 32, but 33 to 35 who the hell knows, I lost count and make of that what you will but my bits aint baggy or lose or beaten up AND ive had three kids. All women are different as are all mens penises and ive seen em all mate. Grow up an move on for her sake too x
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A
male
reader, Ares +, writes (20 May 2008):
 Anon,
I never thought I would have the opportunity to finally meet the Lord High Protector of Morality. How many partners is a few to many????? I was unaware that there was a bag limit on sexual partners. Is the limit cumulative, or is it seasonal? Your girlfriend has a healthy sex drive and you are not in a position to judge her. She has been honest with you, and you should be happy to have a honest and open relationship. If this is such a problem for you, LEAVE. I am sure she will make someone else very happy. As to your gynecological analysis, all women are different last time I enquired and to call her beat up and lose? I think some one has a little penis perhaps.
You my good sir, are a judgemental and immature young man, and you have my complete pity. Good day sir.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Oh, dear, you sound just like my ex!
Do you wonder why he's my ex?
He used to judge me so hard on my past that I started to hide details of it from him. I, by no means, have such a colourful past as your girlfriend. But still, I kissed some guys I barely knew, while drunk, and he thought that meant I had no dignity.
Constant fights, I was becoming scared. I kept lying. Then guilt betrayed me and I fessed up. He dumped me and now he has lost all respect for me, even though he said I was the girl he always dreamed about.
Well, I agree with duskyrowe. You shouldn't call her a slut. It's true that promiscuous girls are often referred to as sluts, but that's a derogatory term. Use "promiscuous" instead, I'm sure your gf would feel severily hurt and offended if she knew you think girls like her are sluts.
I don't think she is a slut. She was promiscuous, alright. There are girls who have slept with many more guys. I'd be more concerned if she has had unprotected sex. You know, 20, 100 or only 2 lovers, it just takes one to give you an STD.
Having said that, she made the choices she made, she was responsible for herself because she knew what she was doing. If she took precautions (i.e. using condoms), then I don't think she disrespected herself. She's not a slut. She was single, she was entitled to do whatever she wanted. I'm pretty sure she sees the difference between sleeping around while being single and being in a committed relationship.
Because, I guess, that's why you're concerned, are you? That she might cheat on you? Or is it more of a pride thing? That you don't want to be seen with the girl who slept with a lot of guys?
Whatever the case, you have to get to the root of your emotions. you have to evaluate what's the reason that makes you uneasy with her past.
Only you can decide. Ultimately, it's your opinion that matters, not ours. If you think she's a slut, then she'll always be a slut for you, even if 1000 more people told you she isn't. Or are you seeking validation?
You have to evaluate this. What's more important, the love that you share or her number?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): If you think that she is a slut then why be with her? but maybe she has changed and maybe she really does just want to be with one person... YOU! if she is that "amazing" why would you want to let her go? because she has had more than her fair share of sexual partners? Everyone makes mistakes it doesnt make them bad girlfriends or bad wives its just about growing up and as long as she treats you well and you care for her then her past shouldnt matter, just the future should matter. you need to look past her faults and love her for her. Hey at least she was honest with you about everything! and if you are that concerned with her being loose there is this gel stuff that they sell at any "adult" store that is called like a virgin it should tighten her up!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, i think you missed my question: Do you think she is she a slut? I don't think you quite understand a slut is a chick who is promiscuous... If you can deny that about what i had written, then I am wrong... But, im not a little prick, and to be honest, I have been with a few women, but not nearly as many as her... Not nearly as many selfless, wasted moments... I did not disrespect my body and soul, she did... So when you come off acting like you know all and I have a double standard, your wrong.
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (20 May 2008):
I find your letter very sad, because you refer to your girlfriend as a slut. What makes you be the judge of her just because she has had a few lovers too many?
Why don't you find a woman who does not have a reputation if you can't handle her past? If my fella called me a slut because of my sexual past, I would kick that jerk to the kerb. How many lovers have you had? I bet you have been round the block a few times, if so stop this ridiculous double standard and get over it. You sound like an immature little jerk, who thinks just because their woman has had a past reputation you have the God given right to criticise her. Guys like you make me sick!!!!
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