A
male
age
41-50,
*inter_one
writes:This may sound like a silly issue, but I'll take the risk and ask anyway!I've been with my partner for a year now, and things have been great. I love her, and she knows this as I've told her so on several occasions. The first time I told her, she said that she wasn't ready to say it back as, since this is her first relationship, she wanted to be absolutely sure before doing so. I had no problem with this, I didn't say it to her just because I wanted to hear it back, I did so because I meant it and wanted her to know.The niggle I have though, is that while she is very affectionate, she never actually tells me how she feels about me. Whenever I tell her, she either kisses me deeply or, if we're in bed at the time, smiles and snuggles up to me. She is quite a shy person when it comes to talking about relationships, so I appreciate this may be the reason.I know she does care about me, but there are times (now for example), when I feel that I need to actually hear it from her mouth. Is this unusual for a guy? I'm also debating whether or not it would be, appropriate I suppose for lack of a better word, for me to actually ask her.Like I said, it's probably a silly issue but I thought I'd like to get an impartial view.
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male
reader, Be a good man  +, writes (2 November 2007):
 I think if you are sure that she loves you from her action,you donot need to care much about whether she will say "I love you".Just for me, my girlfriend never say it to me,and she will feel uncomfortable when I said "I love you".It made me unhappy,however,I know I should understand her feeling,different people have different way to expressing there love (just as the reader who answered first).And I know she loves me ,because she do many things for me without payment!
I know it do unnatural in that way,but to be a good boyfriends ,I think we should be kind to them.
Hope you two have a happy life
A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (1 November 2007):
I agree with most of da previous writers.People have different ways of expressing themselves.Words are not the only way of showing affection.I usually tell my gal all sorts of romantic things sometimes poetic and it really turns her on.For her she enjoys being on my chest even if we are silent.Just bein next to me is her best way of showing affection.Try 2 understand her more and learn to appreciate her just as she is.Remember,most women don't believe words are da best and are not as good expressing themselves with words as men do.So don't think too much.
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (1 November 2007):
 Not a silly question at all.
I've learnt something recently, that i'd like to share with you.
It's called - The Five Love Languages - by Gary Chapman
According to him the five languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Receiving gifts / gifting
Each person speaks a different love language. For instance you sound like a person who "speaks" words of affirmation and she sounds like a person who "speaks" physical touch.
The key, is to learn each other's languages, and to speak in that language to the one you love, and they must do the same for you.
If you are unsure about the fact that she loves you, this might help to clarify.
We all need to hear that we are loved, but the act of love is so much more important.
Hope you get some response.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): Some people say I love you all the time and to them it doesn't mean anything. Have you seen "Ghost." His reply to I love you was "ditto." In his case, it was because most people were saying it out of [commonness.] I've heard men saying love words so casually, that it was almost delinquency, stealing their importance and covering them up in "habit." I wouldn't say this is sufficient reason to break up, only to talk to her and learn of her reasons. If she's otherwise affectionate, the time may come when she is ready to display it so. Meanwhile you should find confirmation also in her actions, her gestures, her care-questions! her reliability not also in your relation but also in what doesn't include you specifically. Many people are mistaken when they jugde the partner only by how she acts when she is strictly around them, ignoring her narrations or other signs. All the best.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (1 November 2007):
Its not a silly issue at all. Nothing is to small to ask for help here.
Your situation seems pretty much like what I was in earlier this year. Like your gf, I am shy and I had my first serious relationship this year. My bf said he loved me but I wasnt ready to say it back. However my bf got really angry that I coudlnt say it back yet...thats probably where our situation differs.
Like your gf, I showed my affection through my actions- whether that be a kiss, hug or doing something nice for my bf. My bf however, was probably alot like you, as he showed his affection through the words he used- by saying he loved me fairly often, using affectionate names etc...and just saying how he felt al the time about me.
Due to my bf needing to hear me verbaly show affection, I tried my hardest to do that for him because it was important to him to feel good.
I think if you calmy and respectfuly talk to your gf about it then the sitution may approve. Be careful to not sound like your critisising her.To avoid this, tell her that you appreciate that she gives you lots of hugs and kisses to show her affection, but sometimes you need to hear it too.
I think you will have to be patient, may take a while for her to get into the habit of doing that. I know it took a while for me with my bf to be able to do that...but even in the end he still felt I dindt say it enough.
But all I can say is dont give up. She does care for you alot, its just she has a different way of showing it. You may suggest that if she finds it hard to say how she feels, to maybe write it down? And that way you can always read over it again and again.
goodluck and i hope the situation improves :)
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A
female
reader, amandasplace  +, writes (1 November 2007):
That's not a silly question. Everyone loves hearing what others feel about them and they should. It's a reinsurance that brings a healthy mind. Nothing wrong with that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): This is not a silly issue, we all like to and need to be loved. I can understand how you feel. I would have to have a talk. The next time you say you love her, ask her if she loves you. What do you have to lose? You want to know one way or the other. Listen to what she has to say. If she does then ask her why she never says it. If she doesnt love you then ask yourself if you want to be with someone who clearly doesnt feel the same way about you, but talk.
take care
xx
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