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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi,I need some advise!I'm a 21 year old lad who has fallen in love with a 13 year old girl (14 in December) and not know what to do?I love her more than anything in the world and have never felt this way before, I can’t stop thinking about her from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep she is on my mind!Everything reminds me of her especially anything pink (her favorite colour).She is very very pretty! She doesn’t smoke, drink, swear, wear make-up she is very polite and kind basically the girl of my dreams!Every time I see her I smile, she is the only person that makes me laugh.My problem is I don’t think she knows I love her, I don’t think she knows that I like her more than a friend! How on earth do I tell her without sounding sad???I feel I would make a good boyfriend for her (i.e. respect her, never cheat on her, protect her and most of all be there for her when/if she needs me)My feeling are not sexually motivated (To be honest I don’t think I’ve ever looked a her/body in that way) I just love gazing into her beautiful green eyes and feel like giving her a massive hug and never letting her go!Please please can someone tell me what I should do? (i.e. should I tell her I love her and if so how or should I say nothing and hope these feeling go away???)Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Star114  +, writes (20 February 2010):
You should absolutely NOT tell her your in love with her. Imagine how you would feel if you are 13 and a 21 year comes up and says that he loves you. I"m sorry but the truth is she will never want you. In her relationship she going to want someone closer to her age. You can still hang out with her but try to distance yourself. Take some girls out. Just try to get over her because you have to face the truth. She will NEVER want you as a boyfriend.
Sorry
S
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): love is an amazing thing, but if you tell her how you fell she will just resent you, wait a few years untill she is 16 or something, then make your move, trust me nothing scares a 13 year old girl more is some one really old (no offence)liking her, she will jump to conclusions!and i would know, im 13!!good luck, i hope it works out!fingers crossed
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A
male
reader, lboy  +, writes (12 September 2006):
 no affence to the poster but i really think that you should try to move on as this girl has her whole high school life ahead of her and trust me it can be hard i should know i'm still in high school, just wait and see if your feelings fade and please don't tell her because if others find out it could lead to alot of bullying and unpleasent situations for her in the years to come maybe you should wait until its legal.
from lboy
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2006): I just have to say there is nothing wrong with your feelings considering you haven't acted on them...The people on here should not be calling you a sexual predator. It's wrong. But however I would not act on your feelings now when she is 13 give her time to grow and mature wait till she's like 16 and then tell her how you feel. If she feels the same wait it out a bit until she's of age and then you can do whatever you want and not have to worry about it. But being 13 she is a little too young to understands what she wants...I hope this helps.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006): In response to the last reply. Given your age and lack of life, professional, and educational experience you would think that his behavior is not inappropiate. You are just a child yourself. Any one who understands child development and pshycology knows that there is a great difference between a 12 year old child and even a 15 year old! A man of 21, let alone 24 years old has no buisness entertaining the idea of becoming romantically interested in a child. This is a form of pediphilia! Regardless of the child or youth's response the adultis fully aware that this is a crime. That's the whol point behind statutory rape laws. A person under the age of 18 years of age does not have the intelectual maturity to engage in a sexual relationship with an adult. In fact a recent study was just release in which they have discovered that the part of the brain that is responsible for impulstivity and decision making does not fully mature until the age of 22 years old! Please leave this little girl alone and do not rob her of her innocence. Let her maature at a normal rate. She may not even be interested in boys yet. Get some help for your self before law enforcement forces you to address your unhealthy attraction to children!Carameljac MS. (A concerned mental health therapist!)
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female
reader, uonlyliveonce +, writes (15 August 2006):
 ok so everyone thinks this is wrong. i agree but if im honest its purely because my ex decided he would leave me for a 14year old and i cant seem to understand why older lads want young girls other than the reason their nieve and you can talk them into anything.
if i was 13 and a 21 year old told me he loved me i would have probably got with him if he wasnt pushing for sex coz at 13 sex sempt like the scariest thing in the whole world.
id say that its sick to go out with a 13 year old but i know thats coz of my own experiences and standing in the middle of the street having a little girl shouting at me knowing i couldnt punch her lights out because she was 'too young' would make anyone feel the same way.
older people are always shocked by an age gap like that but im 17 and i can see what these young girls are like there not nieve little children - well at least they like to think there not to be honest id say they still are.
at 13 she doesnt understand love she wont feel it for a long time n shes barely started puberty, unless you wanna spend the next few month being called garry glitter by sane 17 year olds like me who are pissed off with little girls wanting to be all grown up dont bother.
go and get yourself a girl nearer your own age who knows what she wants and can return the love you show her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006): Hey, give him a break people. Depending upon where you live this could be legal, more than likely not though as you wouldn't be asking for advice on the situation. As a result of asking advice I think you know it would be inappropriate to tell her how you feel as you would be putting a huge amount of pressure on her. x
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female
reader, SXYBB91 +, writes (14 August 2006):
no i dont think u should tell her im sorry but if i was 13 and i 21 year old man cam eup to me and told me that he loves me i would feel really sick she is way way to young for u and she has a lot of growing up to do she should be going out with lads her own age and yeh every lass goes out with sumone at one point who is older then her but that is only like a few years and by few i mean 1-2 years i think u should just stay away from her.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 August 2006):
 Thank God there are laws protecting young girls from men like you. I hope the parents call the cops on you before you do any damage to the kid.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006): Mate, I was in the exact same situation, but this girl is almost 15 and I am a few years older than you too.I know exactly how you feel about her being the best thing in your life and she is all that makes you happy.I too made the mistake of asking for advice on here, all I got back was abuse.I found myself in a situation I never dreamed I would be in, but the love I have for this girl was so strong.People will never understand or support your feelings, but you should give the relationship time.If it is real love, then you will have a future together when all is legal. It is just very dangerous ground to be on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006): You say you love her...
Then leave her alone. It's the best thing for her if you walk away. No 13 year old girl is ready for a serious relationship like that.
If you have to, tell your self that you can see her again when she's 18. After she's had time to learn who she is and what she wants.
I know you said you aren't sexually motivated, and I'll give you the benefit of the doubt... but it's not even about the sex... When you're 13 the world is a completely different place. Just the thought of a boyfriend can be really stressful. If you tell her how you feel... she might feel like she has to return your feelings because you're nice to her. Just give her time to grow up and then think about your feelings.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006): I have to agree with the other Aunts.
I am going to have to say that after reading a book called "Pornified-How Pornography Is Transforming Our Relationships, Our Families, Our Lives" by Pamela Paul that I understand more fully why women and men have a hard time with their partners/spouses viewing pornograpy or anything liken unto it.
In this book there are accounts of porn addicts and what pornography has done to men and their views of what is "healthy, normal, and acceptable" when viewing the opposite sex. Most men degrade from watching straight sex to beastialtity to child pornography. Time and again, grown, adult men begin to view children as acceptable means for their twisted addictions.
I am going to say that you are a male who views porn on the internet time and again. You readily download it from share wares; you visit peek a boo sites or access free images and video feeds...it is available at a finger and in seconds.
Do not mistake that since you do not pay for it; that there is no problem-THERE IS.
You do not love a 13, you lust after a 13 year old. OBSTAIN from pornography and seek counselling; there are many 12 step recovery programs.
You know you have a problem when you are hiding your pornograhpy tastes, viewing; when you are thinking non stop about sex, that you start assuming and believing that the woman down the street would do anything to have sex with you, when you are hiding away or when you go out of your way to do good things to cover your addiction, eg volunteer at charities, attend church more often than usual.
Please seek some professional help ASAP.
Curb and stop your obsessions with underaged children.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006): NO, you most definitely SHOULD NOT tell her you love her!! She's thirteen, for crying out loud. You are 21. That is a very big age gap. And SHE is under age. WAY underage.
She has a lot of growing and maturing to do. She's still a child. Leave her be.
Just forget her - or if you cannot forget her, then do not have ANY contact with her in ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM!
Once more, she is too young. Let this GO!
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (14 August 2006):
 You say, "How on earth do I tell her without sounding sad???"...you cannot tell her how you feel, it is inappropriate, unnatural and down-right wrong. You don't 'love' her but have a crush on a young girl - you cannot burden this poor girl with your fantasies (nonsexual or otherwise). You are 21, an adult in the eyes of the law and if her parents discover this attraction then they can report you to social services and the police as a child predator. It doesn't matter if your intentions are non-sexual or not; the authorities would not consider this to be 'normal' and it could start a whole bundle of trouble that could affect many aspects of your life. You say this girl is pretty, 'girl of your dreams'...she is all this in your 'crush' world...she is probably flawed in real life (we all are) and she is still developing her personality etc so who knows who this girl will be in a few years time. Your confession could really unbalance this girl at a difficult time of her life - remember how confused you were at 13!?! You say 'she is the only person that makes me laugh'...perhaps you need to address the real issues rather than look to a 13 year old girl to solve whatever is lacking in your life at the moment. If you are feeling lonely then you need to find people your own age group. I am all for age difference relationships but only when both parties are legal! Leave this girl well alone - if you do love her in the way you say then you will know this is the right thing to do.
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