A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I have a major problem. I am 3 months into school. Me and my GF broke up the first week. We were deeply in love with each other. We were always together till a new friend showed up at school. My gf wouldn't talk to me much at school but I was ok with that since she would always hang out after school. The friend turns out lives in town, so we start hanging out with her everyday. So it went like this, After school me and my gf would hang out for a hour or two then go meet our friend. Well the friend didn't like that so she started asking that my gf goes to her house first then they come to me. This wouldn't be so bad if not for the fact it continued for everyday for about 3 months and when they hang out they would completely ignore me. So that continued for a while. We were still in love with each other. I would put up with all just to see her smile. We pretty much told each other we would die without the other, lol. She eventually got in trouble from her mom and had to go to my house first, YAY! I finally got alone time with her again! I started to tell her about how I was getting annoyed about what happened yet that didn't help she just said the friend is her friend and would do what ever she wants. So much to say, during the 3 months when that was going on I would get fed up with them ignoring me and just leave. My gf got pissed at me for doing that, when I mostly did that after SHE did it first. It fell apart fast. The first week of school rolls around. Goes to my house the first day. Goes to the friends house the next then come and get me. Would you believe it they completely ignored me so I left. Apparently that was it and she just broke up with me then and there.She told me she still wanted me as a "friend." Like I was even being treated as one. I told her about all the stuff, ignoring me, walking off, etc. She just said she likes to be free and make her own decisions. She told me I was being controlling when I always went along with what ever she did and always asked her what she wanted to do while we were together. I admit I was controlling during school. I didn't let her have much fun, but I stopped after school ended. Sad thing, she didn't start calling me controlling till during the summer when I wasn't. She said I was to "clingy" which she told me she liked and I only got like that because of the whole after school thing. She said she fell out of love with me a week before school started. Said, it all just hit her at once. Three weeks later she has a "crush" on another guy. I didn't find this out till about 2 months later. She still hangs out with me alot, she actually took care of the fucking problem with the friend by going to my house for a hour then going to the friends for 2 hours and if she didn't get picked up by then she would hang with me. WTF, she finally takes care of the problem when she breaks up with me and likes another guy. She tells me she won't date again (in High School at least) and isn't chasing the guy she likes since I told her I will stop being her friend if she dates someone else because I still love her and couldn't see her with another guy and would only cause problems. So she tells me that for 3 months till a week ago I find out she kissed the guy she likes. When I confronted her she said it was nothing. She pretty much just lied to me for 3 months! I asked her why she wants me as a friend. She said she doesn't know why she still wants me around since she keeps causing me pain. I found out that my now ex-gf and her friend is going to homecoming with this guy. She got better at not ignoring me, till she kissed him. Now if she has the chance she WILL ditch me just to go fool around with him. She says she likes him. I talked to someone and said she might just be taking a break and doesn't really like him. Then I found out that that person just wants to go out with that guy. WTF IS WRONG! Now I'm being ignored by me closet friend/ex-gf and being lied to and ignored. The friend isn't helping since she's trying to get them together. Did I mention she's 16 he's 18 and we're Sophomores while he's a Senior, even more fun! Unfortunately he lives in town, happy happy fun fun. She fucking talks to me all the time and treats me wonderfully when its just us but if anyone else is around she will just ignore me. We really need help on this very annoying and frustrating matter.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 While it hurts to hear this, you obviously need to. Make sure you are sitting down.
She is not your girlfriend anymore. Yes, you were clingy and needy and insecure (turn offs for anyone, btw), whether you believe "she started it" or "inspired it" or not. Yes, her friend is ALSO clingy and needy and frankly, I would dislike her, too.
But that is a moot point now. As a single teenage girl, she is perfectly entitled to go out with, kiss and date anyone she chooses. She was dishonest about the kiss that she was entitled to have, because she didn't want to hurt your feelings.
She would have been better to be honest, but she obviously cares enough about you not to flaunt that she has already moved on in your face. She is young and still figuring things out, too. We can forgive her mishandling of this news because she did her best.
Do you not have your own friends? You need SPACE from her to move on. Restricting her movements will only cause her to resent you more; she will not WANT to be your friend. Spend more time with your other friends and start thinking about dating other girls.
This is your only way to preserve your mental and emotional health. The more contact you have with her, the more it ignites your feelings of jealousy and hurt and anger. Those feelings will PUSH her away. You may be able to be her friend in time, without restriction. But if you want any HOPE of that, you need to take some time for healing beforehand.
For the first little while it will seem hard, but it gets easier. One technique I use is to "fake it" until I actually feel it. If I tell myself and my friends and BEHAVE as though I am over someone, soon I will be.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): Wow, this is complex man. I would say just talk to her about it. That's kinda how it was before with my GF. We would hang out with other friends, and when her really good girl friends were there she would totally ignore me and it did annoy me. I confronted her about it, and it sometimes still happens, just not like before, and rarely. Just talk to her about it.
As for the rest, talk to her about it as well. Tell her you have feeling too. Make her see that by doing this she's just hurting you even more. A good friend shouldn't do hat to anyone. If she realizes what she's doing then she'll change. If not, then you either have to learn to take it all, which i don't think is a good idea, or just look for a good strong friendship somewhere else.
Hope this helps out man.
Good luck.
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