A
female
age
36-40,
*herry4real
writes:My girl friend's ex-guy always calls her that he wants her back.I asked her if she has told him that she's now engaged,she said she has told him but he kept calling.The annoying part is that if we're together and he calls,she ignores his calls,but when she's alone she picks his calls. Please what do i do.
View related questions:
engaged Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): It sounds as though her ex is not simply calling as a friend, just for a chat. That would be awkward and difficult for you, but I could see an argument that she should be allowed to continue a friendship with him, in some limited way.
However, he's actively pursuing her by phone, and I can see how this would be very painful for you. You'd be more than human if that behaviour didn't make you feel a little jealous and insecure. Clearly, the ex feels that there is still a chance that they might get back together - and it is possible that your girlfriend is creating that impression by not being firm enough with him.
Many girls find it flattering to be pursued by other men, and to feel that they have other options. It sounds as though she may be stringing this guy along as a 'back up' - or maybe she's just too nice and too kind to say 'no'. Whatever the reason, she needs to realize that these continual phonecalls have to stop if your relationship is to involve full, mature, adult trust. She cannot be friends and have continual contact with someone who is pursuing her inappropriately - it's simply not healthy for your bond together. It's time for her to draw some boundaries.
I would sit down and talk to her about this problem. Explain that these calls hurt your trust in her, and are damaging your relationship together. However, you also need to be prepared to listen to her side of things, which may unfortunately mean hearing some home truths that are unpalatable for you. Perhaps she likes the attention he gives her because she feels neglected in your relationship? Maybe she is quite insecure and needs to feel loved and wanted? Perhaps she has issues with commitment, finds the concept of being engaged hard to handle, and needs to feel that she has a 'way out' - even though she loves you a lot? Try not to be hurt by the reasons she gives (difficult, I know), but use them as a template to make your relationship stronger and better.
|
